I first heard of the "One World Government" in Anais Nin's diary of the 40's or perhaps the 50's. She had a couple of friends who were into the idea spiritually and had some money so they wandered around the world prostletizing. I remember that the woman was mid-age past the menopause and couldn't accept that the men around Nin weren't interested in mature women only those who could play muse.

And so this Christmas-strangest Christmas ever. I told Steve that I think all is so weird because I disinvited Jesus through my profound rejection of the Christian story. I shook it off much like a dog will shake off water. I honestly believe that god/goddess/higher power led me to this point. I always prayed,I studied, I sought out people I could talk to, I took instruction and was accepted in the RC community, I went to Mass and still I ended up here. I remember one morning reciting the Nicene Creed aloud in church and just understanding that whoever had written down the thoughts didn't believe them and that the thoughts were used to keep us, the uneducated,unenlightened, poor workers down on the farm so to speak.No money and my granddaughter took the car, a rented car, out for a few hours and someone also took my bill fold and returned it minus the $40-$50 but at least I have my driver's license, and debit crd. The bank has put a hold on my money, my sister is showing stronger signs of dementia, my work is increasingly diffacult to get to

Winter Solstice 2008

Woke up this morning just before the Solstice. The first morning in weeks and months that i have not awakened in some manner of dread. Rolled over and my eyes fell on Starbirds book on Mary Magdaline and my heart skipped a beat. It was her book that announced the beginning of my crone years although at the time I purchased the book while still in the menopause years, the 50's, I didn't realize what was forming nside.
During my 50's I studied the Roman Catholic faith and was accepted into the Church by the beloved Father George, a man of deep faith and deep love and Father Bill a man of firey faith,active in the anti-war, anti-nuclear,Civil Rights movement and Sister Evelyn a steadfast teacher with wonderful stories of faith especially her story of observing a nuclear test in the Nevada desert and then not brushing her teelth for three weeks. She explained to us that the reason behind not brushing her teeth was that it seemed to her that these ordinary, daily human hygiene acts were worthless in light of the exploding,blinding death awaiting us at the hands of our own government. Ifelt my own body quake as she shared her story of observing death.
Once when Father Bill was teaching and telling us that we each need to decide for ourselves what the Holy Spirit in us teaches us on the issues of women's place,birth control,abortion I saw Sister Evelyn shaking her head at him to tell him not to talk so plainly but I was so grateful to hear his words and then later I was completely confused when in responding to one students questions he said "well, if there was no rsurrection three days later, I don't think life is worth living!" I was so startled and even startled by the depth of my surprise. I had long since given up any belief in the Jesus story and had chosen to study with the Catholics because I believed that i could find a container for my deep religious awe with educated,enlightened scholars. (HMMM living in Berkeley and the famous GTU and Holy Hill I could engage that sort of dream) Well I felt that I was a cheater because I no longer believed in the resurrection, the Nicene Creed, The Virgin Birth even thugh the good father and the good sister spent much time explaining how these things are understood now. The most important thing I did during that period was to attend class and Mass reguarly and to sit in the early AM reciting the Rosary-the discipline and the routine were so helpful.
That period came to an end when my sister and my mother moved in to our tenement apartment in Berkeley's small slum=the rent had been free for Steve and I and then so very low that we could never leave. Over one weekend the room I used for a study was given over to my sister and mother and I have never had any time to myself (except the period between 5AM-6M weekdays) certainly no space to myself and I do miss that so much.
At any rate to return to my Solstice meditation I saw Starbird's book and picked it up and started to read it again. I feel such a charge just thinking of Jesus and Mary Magdalene married that upsidedown story that helped free me from Christianity, helped me to listen to myself.
Lately, in the past few days the inner voice has urged me to believe in love and light. Once again I am simply floating in family with six large people living in a one bedroom apartment with one bathroom and not a lot of money. We have physical issues, drug issues, psychological issues and financial issues things can get rather tangled and there have been days when the yelling in anger has been very loud. Still I don't see what else I can do but offer shelter and hope and the inner voice said this past week "remember that the love outweighs the negative" and so that is what I am doing.
At any rate back to coming free of Christianity and welcoming the solstice this morning I welcome the sun't new year. I wonder what is coming now that Bush and Rove and Cheney are leaving.

I feel like stomping my feet right now. I was checking out various sites and kept coming up against people's descriptions of their US middle-class lives with skiing, vacations, artisitc achievements, community support. One fellow bragging about how he has only one life and he doesn't mind if it is all reveled. I just want to say that I have not succeeded in that way and I am bored with the level of inclusion some folks take for granted, no matter where they go they express their attitude of being welcomed and belonging,of having lived so perfectly that any part can safely be up for public consumption.
Well I will just have to work on expressing some Bukowski attitude in this welfare case worker life of mine. I often feel excluded having, over the years, been friends with maybe ten people at work. I have never been able to stay in any group very long-not church, not 12 Steps, not union or political action groups. I keep friends for a long time and I admit I am so grateful for the friends I do have with their wonderful sympathy ( in the old definition perhaps closer to harmony) and their intelligence and wonderful sense of story.
I feel better now. I think I am touchy because someone added to our bathroom library of magazines one titled SELF. No wonder my granddaughter is so confused. what crap warning about the dangers of compulsive eating/purging while the rest of the rag is full of clothes normal kids could never afford, face make-up that costs more than a pair of jeans and on and on. This is crazy, insane and we need a hippie rebellion now!!!!!!!

Dec 3

This morning on very early TV from New York I heard a snip of the Nixon tapes when he is talking about fire bombing the Brookings Institution (I think). I thought well the importance in hearing these tapes is to help people grow up and realize that these fools runnng things are just like us. Nixon was sounding like the peole I heard in my parents living room except of course that they had a much smaller sandbox or canvas to work on. Truly what the wise men say is so-we have found the enemy and it is us.
I am depressed about the Obama administration. I know -he has not even been inaugurated -but boy the names and faces seem like the same ol/same ol. No champions of civil liberties here.
Persoanl life taking over for me-the dread grand squares of this month touch off everything in my chart. I can't tell you how many pots are on my stove bubbling over, running dry, burning-well worked that poor simile to death. found out two weeks ago that my oldest daughter whom I did not raise died 8/2008. although we had tried to reach out to each other we were estranged and so I didn't know that her oldest daughter died a year and a day before her and of course I didn't know

Monday 12/1/2008

Pluto into Capricorn with the moon, venus, jupiter. So Obama announces his team for national security amd, of course, Hillary for State. This is no coincidence to the astrologers. I would warn those uninitiated that the NWO is casting its shadow over everything doing its best to wipe out our hope and willingness to change regardless of the personal expence. Trouble ahead for the "little guy" that includes me and my family and everyone that I know.
Raw Story has a story about the plans to station 20 thousand soldiers here on our land to protect us. HMMM!!! So this is what a country with a deleted Posse Comitatus and no Habeas Corpus ( ohhh! and what do the lawmakewrz mean when they report that they haven't been able to restore Habeas Corpus fully. What does that mean? Why can't bad law be deleted and the correct law instated?) looks like?
I was writing at Astroworld and kept getting erased by typepad, I think becuase I was wondering why the entire WORLD wants to make the marijuana a felony. I used the little well actually the very tall, bushy plant at least its little buds and leaves for years to heal from serious emotional and spiritual and psychological wounds. The plant was always my friend and if I missed a few appointments over the years that was a better trade than missing my life. At any rate a friend told me that one of her young cousins is in PRISON, FEDERAL PRISON for having a few ounces of the buds and leaves of the blessed plant on himself ( true his Asian young male self). I find this horriffying.
I used the plant regularly until the past couple of years when I entered my Crone stage. I no longer need to use the plant and leave it to the younger ones-I believe that the plant is very helpful. Obviously I am not a charter member of the staight and sober group. I was helped like I already said and was confused to read in Raw Story that Switzerland removed the issue from their ballot. Just don't understand the politics of this.

9/25/08

Jude can't get enough gas to leave the state and go to her son's wedding!! Here in California I just noticed that gas is down to $3.73 from somewhere so high over $4 that I was sure it qwould go to $5 by Labor Day.
So is Georgia out of gas due to the hurricane season? Why hasn't the wonderful Republican Administration let loose of some of the stored gas to cover their favorite people??
I cannot believe that "we" the people are going to buy up the sub-prime mortgages without any word about how this happened although I know how it happened because i have a couple of friends who bit on that hook and accepted loans that require all of their take home pay and then they get letters increasing their taxes by $800 a MONTH,etc. No mystery here but people should be in jail.
Pluto in Capricorn will probably lead to a lot more government intervention and all types of rules and all manner of cops and inspectors but eventually we will see the truth about our leaders/bosses.
Thom Hartman talking about the shortages of gas in the south,New York,etc. Explaining that this is created by the Bush admin and the oil company's.