saturday 5/23/2009-dark of the moon

So here we go heading straight into my new year and the last third of my life: retiring from CC CO which I have been involved with since 1975. God I remember S Back driving me out to the interview at the County Hospital for a temporary worker position at the hospital. I wasn't hired for that position since I knew nothing about eligibility, except for being on welfare while I went to school. I was called in August that year perhaps it was July and was hired over the phone. I remember that Tom Waits was in town playing at the Greek with Judy Collins remarking on how much control she had over the audience and how he wished he had that kind of power. Oh how young we were. I didn't realize until half way home that I had just received a charming and kind brush-off. Joyce said later that he came to her house after that concert-how young we were and I was so excited to be earning $705 a month and relieved to go back to my androgenous atttitude towards Tom. I remember how I did a synestry chart for Tom and I and eveything absolutely everything was seperating by way of squares and sesquiquadrates and oppositions and even I could see that we would never see each other again although I did dream of him for years and still believe that we are connected in some way although now as a grown up I no longer dwell on him. UHMMM would like to go over that time those memories -I remember that time as the best even though I was lonely and terribly afraid of never having another mate, of failing at school, of not having established a credit life ( how could I? I didn't know that side of life at all but even then I knew I would "never end up with anything if I didn't just didn't know what was going on"
How sad really-I was so alone and so disadvantaged and I didn't even know. My parents were covering up so hard-my mother about the "unwed" pregnancy, my father his lack of education and disadvantaged youth that they just didn't have the information I needed and all I had learned from those who had what I wanted was that I didn't have what I needed to succeed.