Okay woke up this morning with my Catholic Prayers for the Hours of the Day and I have a rosary and prayers of the rosary book on the way. Back to my blessed ritual. I no longer believe much of the dogma but I know that I was raised Christian and I am culturally christian and I do best with those traditions. I plan to attend Mass again even though this Pope frightens me as does the entire Opus Dei Movement still one of the Church's teachings is that we always have our interior relationship with the god as Holy spirit and if our understanding disagrees with the Church then we need to work it out inside but we can disagree.
I am in my old age seeing how destructive is the casual sex unattached to family and community. Really we do better when we are closely tied to marriage and family and community with our sexuality.
I am seeing now how destructive my rebellious attitude has been-I wanted to live as if I were a woman of privilege putting off marriage and family until later as my friends in college did but guess what I had given birth to three children by the time I was 22. Lisa and Shawn were raised by their grandparents and Amy, Gerald's child, was raised by me and by Gerald. I was lost in narcissistic fog for decades so deep was the injury of my teenage marriage- I see the damage to my children but I am no longer hating myself-I couldn't trust anyone and Gerald did love me but he was so young captured by sex and unable to even understand my issues.
Anyway I am at the great turning now and I will meet this with tears and an acceptance of certain health issues,etc.
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