Species warfare and I am guilty of slaughtering by the hundreds-ants trooping in to our bedroom on my side because I left a SUBWAY plastic bag with the remains laying by my bed and WOW the word went out to hungry thirsty ants and I awakened to the invasion. And so I killed them with water and Safeway orange cleaner. these little fellas do nothing but head for food and water-they don't even bite as did the larger brown ants of my childhood in Kansas and yet I slaughter them. I think this is a hangover of my early training when my elders had lived through Nagasaki,etc and who were so angry and outraged by stories from Europe and Asia. Oh I don't know but seems to me that removing the temptations will eventually result in their leaving as will the grey misty coolness here breaking the heat wave of the last couple of days.
So I didn't last long with OA-definitely in the past. I will need to find my own way which true to form is now eating like a teenage boy again-not what I need. I have gone down one size in jeans this is good but for my health I definitely need to eat better-I had an intuition that informed me that i am now in a downward spiral and I still have time "to pull out" but I am approaching a period when I will not be able to turn things around. this means getting all the corporate produced food out of my life (as it was during the period when I went to Laney and lived on Harwood,etc). I didn't know then that vegatable oil was so deadly nor did I realize how much I would need probiotics. Perhaps becuase I was so much younger and wasn't yet diabetic although i was hypoglycemic which always surprised MD's who were always convinced that i was simply a health food fanatic. At any rate I weigh 218 and i am 5'2" not good. I need fish oil which will mess with cumadin and I need to increase fiber with psyllium and I need to eat more vegetables both raw and cooked. High protien/high fiber/high vegie.
So this morning I got up and ate cold pizza for breakfast-this is not what i want. Chicken and salad for lunch and more light eating and bringing the family with me or they cook their own food. We can have dessert,we can have the OCCASIONAL junk food but the days of coking out of a box whether shelf stuff or frozen stuff is over-time to move back gentelly and graciously to a better way of life.
What I compromised on with Steve was a surrender to corner store eating necessary for those who are poor in urban settings although we lived only five blocks from one of the best grocery stores in the world Berkeley Bowl but Steve had grown up poor in LA and he had supported himself from the age of fifteen on the income he could scratch up. He didn't have the benefit of the upbringing I had and then the friends I had in my twenties and I surrendered to his world view to keep me from being alone.
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