the turning

Yesterday I reached out to a recovery group for help with the compulsive eating that I finally was able to admit. Sunday I "realized" that I am diabetic which has brought on heart problems, A-Fib,due to nerve damage and I have continued to eat compulsively maintaining a weight of around 215. then lately my knee has gotten very bad with a piece broken off, floating around which was the cause of the "blow-out a few weeks back and severe arthritis. Suddenly I realized that these serious health issues are connected to compulsive eating - aat first I was so embarrassed that I couldn't stand myself. I immediately thought of this recovery group in which I was very active in the 80's but I thought that I couldn't stand to go through the Protestant, immature spiritual thing again. then I thought well I will look them up on GOOGLE and discovered that they have meetings on line and a blog and I signed up to blog and people wwere so welcoming.
Yesterday I was abstinent-a loose abstinance but a real one. I was so surprised by the response my little entry brought. So grateful that this program just keeps chugging along. So grateful that I could once again admit that I am powerless over compulsive eating and that I could accept the community and support of other rrrecovering compulsive eaters.
Lately I became aware of how much of my life I have avoided with food,drugs and once alcohol. I have chosen to stay indoors, as it were,becaause people frighten me,I feel such deep shame over the destruction in my youth, ashamed that I could not finish school, ashamed of all the chores and obligaations that I shrugged off (this is 4th step work)-more later.