I just got whacked back into woo-woo land after months of feeling free of thinking about who is "they".
Here is what led me back to this: who is financing the Al Queda? Who are the so-called suicide bombers? Why are they never given names or histories. Why aren't journalists asking questions?
Then today I came across a young male asking why before the crash of 2008 had the Japanese turned over their finances to some central banks and he was told that it was because Japan was threatened with an earthquake near to a nuclear reactor!!
Okay this is all because I am inclined to wonder and to notice that things are weird and to not trust the words that come over the radio and TV.
I was so disgusted with the talk of Illuminati thinking that the term was used against old Jewish scholars that the bigots thought that they had all the money. Lately I have come to realize that this is a term used for the "shadow government".
I know. I know but I can't give up the urge to wander into this never never land. I have returned to reading astrologer Donald Gabrau at his site Starpath Visions.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
WDNESDAY 12/30/09
I noticed that I am drawn over and over to Buddhism and I have started saving articles or partial articles that have moved me. I must be very careful here because it is so easy for me to fall in to the conversion mode and get all hysterical and then fall flatter than a pancake-my emotional makeup loves the high of conversion but my wholeness cannot live in a cramped tomb that is what most religions are.
The only "faith" that has lasted for me is Jungian psychology and Christianity stripped of the murdering and worship of suffering. Buddhism has attracted me which is pretty obvious having spent so much of my life in Berkeley but I have been put off by the middle-classness of the folks I encountered there just as I was put off by the beougious consciousness in the monestaries-in the US the one thing that will hold one back is class. I had to sacrifice everything, almost, in order to touch down and own my lower class reality. I had to be able to say Yes!! I was negelected and we were trashy and my father could be violent although he never beat us still he was scary and Mama could be very comforting but she was lost ot us in some mysterious way. And I didn't know how to do this other than to "take it on" become that woman I feared the one that my old friend uses to torment and hurt me-the trailer trash, the one who never comlpeted high school (but don't mention the college work with honors), the one whose daughter finished high school but who ended up doing so much meth that her brain was impacted or at least her development was impacted. I had to express this physically becuase I din't know how else to do it, to own this "grounded"self this physical being who will die and who will lose everything that she cherishes.
Well this is how I cam across the "FIVE REMEMBRANCES CHANT"
12/9/09Speaking of reflecting, here is the “Five Remembrances” chant:
“I will lose my youth, my health, my loved ones, everything I hold dear and, finally, life itself by the very nature of being human.”
I WILL LOSE:
1) MY YOUTH
2) MY HEALTH
3) MY LOVED ONES
4) EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR
5)LIFE ITSELF
I WILL LOSE EVERYTHING SIMPLY BY NATURE OF BEING HUMAN
when I came across this my heart stopped and tears welled up as they say: this was exactly the source of my meloncholy-I have already lost so much of what I hold dear, so much and this chant reminds me that I will lose even more even life itself. I know this and now at almost 63 I accept this as true.
I have acquired Pema Chodin's "Start Where You Are" on being on the path of compassion. I love that she was student of Trumpka Rinpoche who wrote "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism" which I read in my 20's and which got through my crazy mind and really moved me and started me on this path. I was horriied by the stories of his alcoholism and the sexism even as I was preparing to descend into my own alcoholism and spend years with Roland and simply wasting an entire decade really-hmmm!!?? I am no longer shocked by the wise man's alchoholism although I still miss him and wonder who he will come back as (oh!! little dreamer!!)-I guess that the "baby" has already been born and that the corrupt Bhuddist leaders in tibet would have already gone out searching for her/him if out old traditional world could continue on but als here we are at the beginning of a new age and the old ways are just memories and books now.
The only "faith" that has lasted for me is Jungian psychology and Christianity stripped of the murdering and worship of suffering. Buddhism has attracted me which is pretty obvious having spent so much of my life in Berkeley but I have been put off by the middle-classness of the folks I encountered there just as I was put off by the beougious consciousness in the monestaries-in the US the one thing that will hold one back is class. I had to sacrifice everything, almost, in order to touch down and own my lower class reality. I had to be able to say Yes!! I was negelected and we were trashy and my father could be violent although he never beat us still he was scary and Mama could be very comforting but she was lost ot us in some mysterious way. And I didn't know how to do this other than to "take it on" become that woman I feared the one that my old friend uses to torment and hurt me-the trailer trash, the one who never comlpeted high school (but don't mention the college work with honors), the one whose daughter finished high school but who ended up doing so much meth that her brain was impacted or at least her development was impacted. I had to express this physically becuase I din't know how else to do it, to own this "grounded"self this physical being who will die and who will lose everything that she cherishes.
Well this is how I cam across the "FIVE REMEMBRANCES CHANT"
12/9/09Speaking of reflecting, here is the “Five Remembrances” chant:
“I will lose my youth, my health, my loved ones, everything I hold dear and, finally, life itself by the very nature of being human.”
I WILL LOSE:
1) MY YOUTH
2) MY HEALTH
3) MY LOVED ONES
4) EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR
5)LIFE ITSELF
I WILL LOSE EVERYTHING SIMPLY BY NATURE OF BEING HUMAN
when I came across this my heart stopped and tears welled up as they say: this was exactly the source of my meloncholy-I have already lost so much of what I hold dear, so much and this chant reminds me that I will lose even more even life itself. I know this and now at almost 63 I accept this as true.
I have acquired Pema Chodin's "Start Where You Are" on being on the path of compassion. I love that she was student of Trumpka Rinpoche who wrote "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism" which I read in my 20's and which got through my crazy mind and really moved me and started me on this path. I was horriied by the stories of his alcoholism and the sexism even as I was preparing to descend into my own alcoholism and spend years with Roland and simply wasting an entire decade really-hmmm!!?? I am no longer shocked by the wise man's alchoholism although I still miss him and wonder who he will come back as (oh!! little dreamer!!)-I guess that the "baby" has already been born and that the corrupt Bhuddist leaders in tibet would have already gone out searching for her/him if out old traditional world could continue on but als here we are at the beginning of a new age and the old ways are just memories and books now.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
12/24/2009
12/24/2009
So some money came through and we will have Christmas dinner and even now we are all up eating carnitas burritos from pork I cooked all evening at about 200 degrees-grand daughter Courtney finally pulled the pot out of the oven and turned off the heat. Wonderful delight and the healthcare bill has passed,
I imagine that the fight has only now begun and the money will keep people riled up and preventing any change. I think that there is reason for the retired people of means to feel attacked and frightened. I don't know so much because as a low end income person I will somehow be subsidized. I know that the management folk from where I worked may be worried-those who make more in retirement than they earned while working delegating everything. So I imagine that those with incomes of $100,000 and more may be very anxious and I don't like that but there it is. I am sure that the bill will be adjusted and changed but I hoe that it stays AND that we change the anti-??? can't get that term up again but I am referring to the change in the law that protects the insurance companies from competition,etc. if the insurance companies weren't so fat and spoiled things might work out for those of us who have to pay more for our medical insurance now. I know that if this affects the very well-off they will doom it.
I read someone who explained why there is the early shut-off on the FICA tax-$82,050 right now (I think)-because Social Security is considered a "working man's" program. I never "thought" of that the why for the arbitrary cut-off, that is why I worry about any of the taxes and programs that tax the wealthy the wealthy can bring to bear immense pressure against what they don't like-the wealthy and the government.
What am I rambling on about? Well realizing that all this Teabag/fancy traveling buses is from the wealth that many folk have access to now and they have been very effective, really frightening folk because one) they look like what these folk are accustomed to seeing and 2) they are paying attention to people who are ignored and feel ignored. I have always understood Sarah Palin's attraction : she looks and sounds like the "salt of the earth" folk and she addresses their values and questions and understands their fear. I am hoping to give an example here of how emotion is used now in 2009 just as crude as it was in 1909 and 1809.
If the wealthy are able to prevent the changes needed the entire effort may be destroyed.
So some money came through and we will have Christmas dinner and even now we are all up eating carnitas burritos from pork I cooked all evening at about 200 degrees-grand daughter Courtney finally pulled the pot out of the oven and turned off the heat. Wonderful delight and the healthcare bill has passed,
I imagine that the fight has only now begun and the money will keep people riled up and preventing any change. I think that there is reason for the retired people of means to feel attacked and frightened. I don't know so much because as a low end income person I will somehow be subsidized. I know that the management folk from where I worked may be worried-those who make more in retirement than they earned while working delegating everything. So I imagine that those with incomes of $100,000 and more may be very anxious and I don't like that but there it is. I am sure that the bill will be adjusted and changed but I hoe that it stays AND that we change the anti-??? can't get that term up again but I am referring to the change in the law that protects the insurance companies from competition,etc. if the insurance companies weren't so fat and spoiled things might work out for those of us who have to pay more for our medical insurance now. I know that if this affects the very well-off they will doom it.
I read someone who explained why there is the early shut-off on the FICA tax-$82,050 right now (I think)-because Social Security is considered a "working man's" program. I never "thought" of that the why for the arbitrary cut-off, that is why I worry about any of the taxes and programs that tax the wealthy the wealthy can bring to bear immense pressure against what they don't like-the wealthy and the government.
What am I rambling on about? Well realizing that all this Teabag/fancy traveling buses is from the wealth that many folk have access to now and they have been very effective, really frightening folk because one) they look like what these folk are accustomed to seeing and 2) they are paying attention to people who are ignored and feel ignored. I have always understood Sarah Palin's attraction : she looks and sounds like the "salt of the earth" folk and she addresses their values and questions and understands their fear. I am hoping to give an example here of how emotion is used now in 2009 just as crude as it was in 1909 and 1809.
If the wealthy are able to prevent the changes needed the entire effort may be destroyed.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
12/23/2009
12/23/09
This is perhaps the saddest Christmas yet. Absolutely no money-Steve has not received his pay and I have exhausted all of mine and there is no Christmas dinner either and no tree. My sister cries and pretends to be far away and reminds me of our father who would sacrifice anyone anytime so that he could look good. A deep selfishness there that I always mistrusted because he rejected and denied me when I was very young in the context of remaining the beautiful one.
HMMM! I sure didn't know that that was coming out but wow-time to look at that and let it go. Time to recognize that John was an only child with a mean father and disabled mother and a rebellious soul.
I began to weep and decided to look at john's chart:not sure of time or place a hinderance so I used Harrison, AR which is near Fort Smith and I know there were ties there and his favorite cousin Marie lived on a farm outside of Fort Smith and I used 10AM as an estimate time.
New moon baby,Aries with Taurus moon and Mercury conjunct the Moon-very ,very bright in a practical way. He made things with his hands and could repair absolutely anything and even singlehandedly redesigned ( and did all of the work alone) our bathroom in Kansas. He worked for years as a lineman for Northern natural Gas making piss wages but turning the time into an investigation of the Plains People whose campgrounds could still be found as if they just left for the day. He brought home all manner of things and animals and he loved animals.
Life as an undereducated young man with emotional problems and absolutely no family, no connections was harsh and lonely I think especially because he was so very bright and creative and really had many more gifts than the folks he was forced to live and work with. He was rejected because he talked of things they had never seen or heard of, things he had seen and known. His peers thought that he was a liar and a cheat and he always had money problems (Saturn/Neptune in the 2nd I think). He learned to shrug them off and go his own way as we would expect with a New Moon Aries. Not too much going on with that Aries Sun but he was very creative if lonely.
Venus/Mars opposition Venus in Pisces and Mars in Virgo. I tangled with this all of our lives together. He was so loving especially toward children and small animals BUT he demanded that they measure up and accept criticism and get to work immediately on correcting themselves.
My father and I struggled-him to correct my course and me to get him off me so that I could feel good.
Okay it is now 6 AM and I am not inclined to go further into this chart but I thank my source for this opportunity to see John as he was in his own center,to forgive him to ask his forgiveness for my youthful rebellion and rejection. ANd the opportunity to state that he was repressive and and frightening-my nephew Randy has a similar report although others in the family saw him differently.
I wasn't expecting this Christmas visit with John, my father this time but I am grateful and I feel released in a deep place.
Now Steve and I are off to the grocery store to begin shopping for the family dinner Friday 12/25/09. I will keep it as simple as possible and pray that his check for services rendered from august on will show up. Sending Schwarzeneggar and his evil ,greedy friends hopes for stomach pain and disturbing dreams. Fuck them all for using people like Steve and I as their pawns. there is absolutely no need to do this to working folks as if we are the problem. Really fuck them all.
This is perhaps the saddest Christmas yet. Absolutely no money-Steve has not received his pay and I have exhausted all of mine and there is no Christmas dinner either and no tree. My sister cries and pretends to be far away and reminds me of our father who would sacrifice anyone anytime so that he could look good. A deep selfishness there that I always mistrusted because he rejected and denied me when I was very young in the context of remaining the beautiful one.
HMMM! I sure didn't know that that was coming out but wow-time to look at that and let it go. Time to recognize that John was an only child with a mean father and disabled mother and a rebellious soul.
I began to weep and decided to look at john's chart:not sure of time or place a hinderance so I used Harrison, AR which is near Fort Smith and I know there were ties there and his favorite cousin Marie lived on a farm outside of Fort Smith and I used 10AM as an estimate time.
New moon baby,Aries with Taurus moon and Mercury conjunct the Moon-very ,very bright in a practical way. He made things with his hands and could repair absolutely anything and even singlehandedly redesigned ( and did all of the work alone) our bathroom in Kansas. He worked for years as a lineman for Northern natural Gas making piss wages but turning the time into an investigation of the Plains People whose campgrounds could still be found as if they just left for the day. He brought home all manner of things and animals and he loved animals.
Life as an undereducated young man with emotional problems and absolutely no family, no connections was harsh and lonely I think especially because he was so very bright and creative and really had many more gifts than the folks he was forced to live and work with. He was rejected because he talked of things they had never seen or heard of, things he had seen and known. His peers thought that he was a liar and a cheat and he always had money problems (Saturn/Neptune in the 2nd I think). He learned to shrug them off and go his own way as we would expect with a New Moon Aries. Not too much going on with that Aries Sun but he was very creative if lonely.
Venus/Mars opposition Venus in Pisces and Mars in Virgo. I tangled with this all of our lives together. He was so loving especially toward children and small animals BUT he demanded that they measure up and accept criticism and get to work immediately on correcting themselves.
My father and I struggled-him to correct my course and me to get him off me so that I could feel good.
Okay it is now 6 AM and I am not inclined to go further into this chart but I thank my source for this opportunity to see John as he was in his own center,to forgive him to ask his forgiveness for my youthful rebellion and rejection. ANd the opportunity to state that he was repressive and and frightening-my nephew Randy has a similar report although others in the family saw him differently.
I wasn't expecting this Christmas visit with John, my father this time but I am grateful and I feel released in a deep place.
Now Steve and I are off to the grocery store to begin shopping for the family dinner Friday 12/25/09. I will keep it as simple as possible and pray that his check for services rendered from august on will show up. Sending Schwarzeneggar and his evil ,greedy friends hopes for stomach pain and disturbing dreams. Fuck them all for using people like Steve and I as their pawns. there is absolutely no need to do this to working folks as if we are the problem. Really fuck them all.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
12/22/2009
Blessed solstice and Happy Yule to all of us!! And I mean this no matter what may come even if we are gratefully eating legumes and cornbread.
You may wonder why I am complaining in the personal mode-California has NOT paid my SO since September and even our progressive State Rep's (Nancy Skinner) office is giving us different replies and no money. This is what it means for literally thousands,who knows millions, of folk here.I am one of the fortunate ones-I have a pension and Social Security but this covers the basics here in California with literally nothing left over for the trimmings-that is why Steve has felt so blessed to get these tutoring/editing positions through the Dept of Rehab while he finishes his education.
I began this for Astroworld but realized that it was way too personal and long winded.
I am supporting the likes of Bernie Sanders and Patrick Leahy and therefore the passage of this clumsy and scary health care bill. As Bernie said this includes community health care centers to get folks out of the emergency rooms. We will work on the law as we go along. I know that the Democrats are not the source of our difficulties and we will get things resolved.
I am back to supporting Obama-wonderful words by Bernie Sanders of Vermont shifted me and convinced me that this bill must go through and WE will clean it up and get the awful stuff out of there. I do believe that we can clean up the amendment that allows the insurance companies to be protected as they practice anti-competition through law. I know there is a term, the anti-????, but it is early morning and I can't get the term up through the fog in my mind.
I am making bread and I am committed to being a light for my family-this will get worked out somehow even if it means celebrating the season next week.
I was thinking of a couple of single friends who think that I am abused by my partner because he has not been paid since September by the State of California. Oh I hear from a couple of my friends who are single about how he has been in school for years now and he should get another job. Well dear friends he now has such a high GPA that he is graduating with honors and he has tried to find other work to no avail in these days of 10+ unemployment and even higher here in the Bay Area. We will get the money eventually and our lives will get better and we will stay together in love and friendship. What the "step-sisters" don't see is how he throws everything he earns or receives into the pot just as I do - everything,EVERYTHING we do we do by discussion and we share everything and he has helped me raise my grandchildren,stayed here when my sister and my mother were here and hating us and hating California and my ragamuffin,hippie way of life. Whee!! these same "stepsisters" would drop me in a heartbeat if they have an opportunity to build a new relationship-they have done this repeatedly in the past and I would just go on with my boring,Civil Service job, apartment living, half Hippie way. Not real successful but at least I have something now.
Okay enough of that whining. Yes I feel betrayed here but these women are complex as am I and the relationships have so many layers and such patina from years simply years of relatedness so I am willing to live with the complexity,
I love the Salvation Army ads this year; the ads show wonderful young women expressing gratitude and love for all the agency has done for them and their children. I am no longer Christian but I think that much worse could happen to these young women and their children than praying to an invisible god and living with some very restrictive social rules and the thought of them being out of the streets and the pimps and the drugs is wonderful. The company doing the ads found some really wonderful young women to represent the program.
You may wonder why I am complaining in the personal mode-California has NOT paid my SO since September and even our progressive State Rep's (Nancy Skinner) office is giving us different replies and no money. This is what it means for literally thousands,who knows millions, of folk here.I am one of the fortunate ones-I have a pension and Social Security but this covers the basics here in California with literally nothing left over for the trimmings-that is why Steve has felt so blessed to get these tutoring/editing positions through the Dept of Rehab while he finishes his education.
I began this for Astroworld but realized that it was way too personal and long winded.
I am supporting the likes of Bernie Sanders and Patrick Leahy and therefore the passage of this clumsy and scary health care bill. As Bernie said this includes community health care centers to get folks out of the emergency rooms. We will work on the law as we go along. I know that the Democrats are not the source of our difficulties and we will get things resolved.
I am back to supporting Obama-wonderful words by Bernie Sanders of Vermont shifted me and convinced me that this bill must go through and WE will clean it up and get the awful stuff out of there. I do believe that we can clean up the amendment that allows the insurance companies to be protected as they practice anti-competition through law. I know there is a term, the anti-????, but it is early morning and I can't get the term up through the fog in my mind.
I am making bread and I am committed to being a light for my family-this will get worked out somehow even if it means celebrating the season next week.
I was thinking of a couple of single friends who think that I am abused by my partner because he has not been paid since September by the State of California. Oh I hear from a couple of my friends who are single about how he has been in school for years now and he should get another job. Well dear friends he now has such a high GPA that he is graduating with honors and he has tried to find other work to no avail in these days of 10+ unemployment and even higher here in the Bay Area. We will get the money eventually and our lives will get better and we will stay together in love and friendship. What the "step-sisters" don't see is how he throws everything he earns or receives into the pot just as I do - everything,EVERYTHING we do we do by discussion and we share everything and he has helped me raise my grandchildren,stayed here when my sister and my mother were here and hating us and hating California and my ragamuffin,hippie way of life. Whee!! these same "stepsisters" would drop me in a heartbeat if they have an opportunity to build a new relationship-they have done this repeatedly in the past and I would just go on with my boring,Civil Service job, apartment living, half Hippie way. Not real successful but at least I have something now.
Okay enough of that whining. Yes I feel betrayed here but these women are complex as am I and the relationships have so many layers and such patina from years simply years of relatedness so I am willing to live with the complexity,
I love the Salvation Army ads this year; the ads show wonderful young women expressing gratitude and love for all the agency has done for them and their children. I am no longer Christian but I think that much worse could happen to these young women and their children than praying to an invisible god and living with some very restrictive social rules and the thought of them being out of the streets and the pimps and the drugs is wonderful. The company doing the ads found some really wonderful young women to represent the program.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
12/19/2009
12/19/09
So yesterday I went to my very sexy MD, a beautiful,grungie,smart and kind woman of of say late 30's early 40's/ I love her and love to talk to her and we had a deep one and one conversation on my use of Vicodin, the fact that this is the only pain reliever after Tylenol available to me and the fact that there is a tendency to increase the dosage as time goes by because it is habit forming. I have been through this and so I discipline myself to back off which is relatively easy to do-I just seem to use as much as i can get but not going over the magic four uses in one day.
Baking bread and making broccoli soup and perhaps later sausage pizzas. fun for a cool day.
The kittens are really looking grown now much the way teenagers appear grownup but aren't yet mature. They are a delight especially when they tromp through the house sounding like an invading army these three little cats who don't weigh five pounds. They get drunk on the hormones that teach them to hunt and capture and then they cannot settle down to rest even when they want to/ the little girl, Mercy, has a little begging mew when this happens to her and she then wants me to pick her up and pet her very softly and kiss her and talk to her and then she curls up and sleeps. She is the sweetest little thing and I believe that she is a healer and I love our little time together and I believe that my soul is renewed in this relationship. True to her youth when she awakens she is all puffy little cat and runs off to see what her brothers are up to. I love these kittens and accept that we now have four cats.
This is the holiest time I have recognized in years. I spent the last year reading up a little on the old ways, the Celts,etc and the Romans,the Jews. Some are involved with Wicca but I can't really do that having been born Christian although I am no longer Christian either.
So yesterday I went to my very sexy MD, a beautiful,grungie,smart and kind woman of of say late 30's early 40's/ I love her and love to talk to her and we had a deep one and one conversation on my use of Vicodin, the fact that this is the only pain reliever after Tylenol available to me and the fact that there is a tendency to increase the dosage as time goes by because it is habit forming. I have been through this and so I discipline myself to back off which is relatively easy to do-I just seem to use as much as i can get but not going over the magic four uses in one day.
Baking bread and making broccoli soup and perhaps later sausage pizzas. fun for a cool day.
The kittens are really looking grown now much the way teenagers appear grownup but aren't yet mature. They are a delight especially when they tromp through the house sounding like an invading army these three little cats who don't weigh five pounds. They get drunk on the hormones that teach them to hunt and capture and then they cannot settle down to rest even when they want to/ the little girl, Mercy, has a little begging mew when this happens to her and she then wants me to pick her up and pet her very softly and kiss her and talk to her and then she curls up and sleeps. She is the sweetest little thing and I believe that she is a healer and I love our little time together and I believe that my soul is renewed in this relationship. True to her youth when she awakens she is all puffy little cat and runs off to see what her brothers are up to. I love these kittens and accept that we now have four cats.
This is the holiest time I have recognized in years. I spent the last year reading up a little on the old ways, the Celts,etc and the Romans,the Jews. Some are involved with Wicca but I can't really do that having been born Christian although I am no longer Christian either.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
12/17/09
I think what has happened from Obama on down with the Dems is that they have forgotten that if they demand the middle-class pay what the insurance companies want we the citizens don't have any one to bail us out like they do. We would have had that with the "public option" but not now.Also, this country remains "pro choice" and not all women with a pregnancy that they cannot mange to support have wealthy lovers, husbands, fathers,etc to fly them away tomorrow to a country where they can get the medical care that they need and deserve.
I wrote this for my beloved Starlight News but it is alas purely political as Mars prepares to turn retrograde for two and a half months in Leo!! I know that the bill will not pass at this point (healthcare coverage change)and I blame Obama and Rahm Emmanuel for this-they are so accustomed to being protected that they don't realize how hideous this bill is or at the very least they don't know what it is like to have no net beneath one-they are coddled and protected all the way by the "Masters of the Universe" protect them as long as they do what they are sent to do.
Went to Judy's for a cocktail party!! Little nibbles and eggnog,etc. I pushed to leave early not wanting to sit around and try to talk politics with my dear friend when she is tired and grouchy. she loves Chris Matthews who sometimes agrees with my understanding but mostly is simply an insider who takes the "party" line and this time as so often I am in rebellion.
Wonderful front page article confirming what we "liberals" have tried to explain for years: use of drugs and alcohol among the young is way down and stying down but ,horrors of horrors, the young ones no longer consider drugs the biggest evil in the world. EXACTLY you money grubbing, Puritanical lawmakers who insist that marijuana is the same as heroin, who believe that anyone involved with drugs is a felon and should die in prison. We have always understood that if people are informed and free they will in the huge majority choose not to live stoned-period. There is no need at all to lie, no need at all to spend our treasure fighting the "war on drugs". Well you know the Authorities are very upset that the young people are not upset. Imagine how much money there would be for jobs, housing .medical care if we weren't fighting that "war on drugs".
I salute Pluto as he enters Capricorn!! Hello!! These fat cats our, modern nobility, deserve to have their royal butts kicked. Truly it is time to tear the rotten things down and leave the healthy things.
I wrote this for my beloved Starlight News but it is alas purely political as Mars prepares to turn retrograde for two and a half months in Leo!! I know that the bill will not pass at this point (healthcare coverage change)and I blame Obama and Rahm Emmanuel for this-they are so accustomed to being protected that they don't realize how hideous this bill is or at the very least they don't know what it is like to have no net beneath one-they are coddled and protected all the way by the "Masters of the Universe" protect them as long as they do what they are sent to do.
Went to Judy's for a cocktail party!! Little nibbles and eggnog,etc. I pushed to leave early not wanting to sit around and try to talk politics with my dear friend when she is tired and grouchy. she loves Chris Matthews who sometimes agrees with my understanding but mostly is simply an insider who takes the "party" line and this time as so often I am in rebellion.
Wonderful front page article confirming what we "liberals" have tried to explain for years: use of drugs and alcohol among the young is way down and stying down but ,horrors of horrors, the young ones no longer consider drugs the biggest evil in the world. EXACTLY you money grubbing, Puritanical lawmakers who insist that marijuana is the same as heroin, who believe that anyone involved with drugs is a felon and should die in prison. We have always understood that if people are informed and free they will in the huge majority choose not to live stoned-period. There is no need at all to lie, no need at all to spend our treasure fighting the "war on drugs". Well you know the Authorities are very upset that the young people are not upset. Imagine how much money there would be for jobs, housing .medical care if we weren't fighting that "war on drugs".
I salute Pluto as he enters Capricorn!! Hello!! These fat cats our, modern nobility, deserve to have their royal butts kicked. Truly it is time to tear the rotten things down and leave the healthy things.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
12/16/2009-Wayne turns 66
12/16/09
So again Happy Birthday Wayne. May this be the best year yet. May you swim in warm, clear waters and may the depths reveal to you her secrets and enchant you and heal all that binds you and keeps you from the love you want.
I forgive you utterly. We were so young and both of wounded. We did the best we could but it was not enough. You could not do more for us than provide a little money and a lot of sex. I could not do more than love the child and try to provide a safe home but in the end that was certainly not enough. I have no bitterness. You did the best you could and so did I and we were both the expression of long, long family dramas that we brought to life. So it is.
Of all the seasons I love Yule and Spring the most. Yule is the one where we are free to abandon ourselves to beauty and bounty. Candles and candy, cakes and goose and Christmas Trees and Lights and warm clothes and surprises. I have always loved it and the Sabian Symbol for my Sun is 4Gemini-A fully lighted Christmas Tree. Christmas Day is The Feast Day of them all for me far surpassing Easter and Thanksgiving. I used to love Thanksgiving because it was free of the depths of Christmas and therefore freed me from my mother whose unspoken secrets scared the pants off me (literally?!?! Tehetehe.) Now my mother is dead and yes I miss her and the light part of her but I do not miss that haunted presence which was her unshared stories and memories and Christmas is all mine now to share with my family as I understand it. My mother always broke down at Christmas weeping and scaring me to death and she would always say that is was because she was always so poor at Christmas and she would tell stories of poverty of the Great Depression but I now know that the true poverty was the the birth of her only son,illegitimate and hidden and given away to childless couple and kept secret always from my father and we daughters-he was born 12/26/1943. that was part of the secrets I always felt but could not name.
My granddaughter and I had the most magical incredible morning talking and sharing plans for her future. She is not as unaware as I thought and acknowledges how expensive it is for to support her and Jamal and I am convinced that she will get things together and that together all of us here can help her heal from her childhood-I know her chart i know how strong she is and she will make it. she is also more inquisitive than I have given her credit for it is just that she is still quite immature and this will pass with time.
So again Happy Birthday Wayne. May this be the best year yet. May you swim in warm, clear waters and may the depths reveal to you her secrets and enchant you and heal all that binds you and keeps you from the love you want.
I forgive you utterly. We were so young and both of wounded. We did the best we could but it was not enough. You could not do more for us than provide a little money and a lot of sex. I could not do more than love the child and try to provide a safe home but in the end that was certainly not enough. I have no bitterness. You did the best you could and so did I and we were both the expression of long, long family dramas that we brought to life. So it is.
Of all the seasons I love Yule and Spring the most. Yule is the one where we are free to abandon ourselves to beauty and bounty. Candles and candy, cakes and goose and Christmas Trees and Lights and warm clothes and surprises. I have always loved it and the Sabian Symbol for my Sun is 4Gemini-A fully lighted Christmas Tree. Christmas Day is The Feast Day of them all for me far surpassing Easter and Thanksgiving. I used to love Thanksgiving because it was free of the depths of Christmas and therefore freed me from my mother whose unspoken secrets scared the pants off me (literally?!?! Tehetehe.) Now my mother is dead and yes I miss her and the light part of her but I do not miss that haunted presence which was her unshared stories and memories and Christmas is all mine now to share with my family as I understand it. My mother always broke down at Christmas weeping and scaring me to death and she would always say that is was because she was always so poor at Christmas and she would tell stories of poverty of the Great Depression but I now know that the true poverty was the the birth of her only son,illegitimate and hidden and given away to childless couple and kept secret always from my father and we daughters-he was born 12/26/1943. that was part of the secrets I always felt but could not name.
My granddaughter and I had the most magical incredible morning talking and sharing plans for her future. She is not as unaware as I thought and acknowledges how expensive it is for to support her and Jamal and I am convinced that she will get things together and that together all of us here can help her heal from her childhood-I know her chart i know how strong she is and she will make it. she is also more inquisitive than I have given her credit for it is just that she is still quite immature and this will pass with time.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
12/15/09
A dear old friend called me last week and said "Clymela,I am going shopping on Tuesday and I want you to come with me as my guest." I was so surprised that I started to cry, We were just out of resources waiting for Steve's money from the State and then finding that actually the State was not paying UIB/SDI, etc. because supposedly they, the State government, squandered 7 billion dollars the Feds granted in order to update the BIG State computer system.
Well we will get paid this week because we finally called Nancy Skinner's office. She has a "caseworker" who researches things and gets action if that is appropriate.
This weekend I heard that the government had all manner of clerical folk working to hand issue these delayed checks.
I hate Schwarzenegger! so crude but really I do for all the destruction he has caused in his flat footed attempt to make people see that government doesn't work. I guess he and his wort are winning the propaganda wars-government doesn't work they dry and sure enough it does not but people would not believe this if they knew the truth.
Now back to my charmed life. My friend said on our way to the store after saying to her that I didn't know what to do because "going to the store" can mean a lot of different things and I felt awkward. She said I want you to just go crazy and buy every thing that comes to mind.
Well I did buy a basket of food with my usual love of "specials" and did turn away so that I don't know the total but I do know that the basket was close to $200.
My friend has always had money as have many of my friends. This was her classy way of acknowledging my hardships right now. she also treated me to breakfast and we discussed the importance of getting the kids to pay their own way and get out on their own as soon as possible
Brought up all the Chiron conjunct Nessus conjunct Jupiter-recognition of wounds and the opportunity to find a new path/a new consciousness. I can';t relly undo all the mistakes of the past nor can I make up to Courtney what Amy didn't get but I can do my best to help now.
Saturn/Pluto square-Donna Cunningham says rage is everywhere. I don't know about rage but I sure do know that the fat cats seem to get away with everything even when the whole world can see them.
Another thing canceled the subscription to the chronicle and started a subscription to the West County Times. I had been thinking of this for a bit especially since the chronicle has not once written about the States refusal to pay UIB,etc. Fuck the Chronicle and the disgusting corrupt corporation (The Hearst Publishing Company)that owns it. Too much money for too little-no news at all. The Hearst Company wanted to destroy the chronicle and well they have.
Well we will get paid this week because we finally called Nancy Skinner's office. She has a "caseworker" who researches things and gets action if that is appropriate.
This weekend I heard that the government had all manner of clerical folk working to hand issue these delayed checks.
I hate Schwarzenegger! so crude but really I do for all the destruction he has caused in his flat footed attempt to make people see that government doesn't work. I guess he and his wort are winning the propaganda wars-government doesn't work they dry and sure enough it does not but people would not believe this if they knew the truth.
Now back to my charmed life. My friend said on our way to the store after saying to her that I didn't know what to do because "going to the store" can mean a lot of different things and I felt awkward. She said I want you to just go crazy and buy every thing that comes to mind.
Well I did buy a basket of food with my usual love of "specials" and did turn away so that I don't know the total but I do know that the basket was close to $200.
My friend has always had money as have many of my friends. This was her classy way of acknowledging my hardships right now. she also treated me to breakfast and we discussed the importance of getting the kids to pay their own way and get out on their own as soon as possible
Brought up all the Chiron conjunct Nessus conjunct Jupiter-recognition of wounds and the opportunity to find a new path/a new consciousness. I can';t relly undo all the mistakes of the past nor can I make up to Courtney what Amy didn't get but I can do my best to help now.
Saturn/Pluto square-Donna Cunningham says rage is everywhere. I don't know about rage but I sure do know that the fat cats seem to get away with everything even when the whole world can see them.
Another thing canceled the subscription to the chronicle and started a subscription to the West County Times. I had been thinking of this for a bit especially since the chronicle has not once written about the States refusal to pay UIB,etc. Fuck the Chronicle and the disgusting corrupt corporation (The Hearst Publishing Company)that owns it. Too much money for too little-no news at all. The Hearst Company wanted to destroy the chronicle and well they have.
Monday, December 14, 2009
12/14/09
So here you are old friend-all the ramblings since the end of November. I am sincerely wanting you to be around to read this.
Sick of the news about Tiger Woods and his double life. wonder what we are not talking about? Oh!! let me think -banks!!! The deficit????? What the fuck is really going on in Afghanistan????? what we have really done in Iraq!!!!
Sick of the news about Tiger Woods and his double life. wonder what we are not talking about? Oh!! let me think -banks!!! The deficit????? What the fuck is really going on in Afghanistan????? what we have really done in Iraq!!!!
12/13/09
12/13/09 So when i awakened at around 4:15 I had an upset stomach and then when i tried to return to sleep I could not. the older kids,Courtney and Jamal are still up-Jamal says that he is writing his essays for the course at laney.
Turns out that Courtney only completed ten units of high school-all the times when she said that she completed school work at school and I said but the other kids have hours of school work every day. Now she is facing this and feels so alone. Steve and I would like to help her get high school behind her so that she can go on to college. This is going to take time and energy and love and prayer.
Watching Mosaic with a Catholic interviewing a priest from San Jose who is a trained exorcist. I wonder if these practicing Catholics would consider me possessed? I know that I find the turn the church is taking these days troubling. Seems to me that we are going backwards into superstition and this will result in something very dangerous for us protestants-and I am not referring to religions here but to those of us who cannot believe that Life would be so cruel-requiring folks to imagine in only one way otherwise off to burn for eternity.
I also noted that this priest is invited only to FOX the current purveyor of the modern fascism-perhaps this is why I "left" the church-I cannot believe that the God of my experience would drive out anyone,anyone. I believe that my god(Father)/goddess(mother)/son/daughter will be there for anyone who honestly comes and says "I have been mistaken and I have failed and also I have hurt so many and failed so much please help me find the way to you and the way to express you here in my life in my time right now here on earth". I believe in that "divine spark" that the President referred to in his recent Nobel acceptance speech in Sweden and I believe that this spark can turn into a flame just in our sincere desire to change and live that change in our daily ordinary lives-the Saints are all wonderful and we could do that if confined to convents and monasteries with our lives focused on Jesus. I realized this the other day when someone quoted Dame Julian of Norwich-what I realized is that most of the folk even the lower sisters of her order had to work so hard just to eat and stay warm and have clothing that they simply had no time for reflecting on the Holy plus they could not read even if they came by something to read. I just had an awakening there. I still love Dame Julian being blessed to be born in a time and place where girls are educated freely and often out preform the boys.
At any rate the priest who is called to talk on FOX about the physical presence of Satan and the necessity of exorcism is aligned with the forces who want to destroy those who see things differently. Of course those who remain committed to the Church are going to feel attacked I think but this is not necessary-we are in a new age and I am thinking that this great conjunction of Jupiter/Neptune and Chiron in late Aquarius is something like the Star that the Magi followed in the Christ story. We are now in the Aquarian Age -perhaps not to my liking but here we are. I came across one astrologer ruminating on the loss of our environment and how perhaps in the mental sign of Aquarius we won't need the physical environment as we took for granted during the Piscean Age. I don't know that that is the last word but his words shook me up and caused me to look more deeply into my thoughts and beliefs. Fascinating shook me up oh little one with Mars/Venus rising in early Taurus.
lately I am coming to recognize the envy and jealousy and covetness in my makeup. I was devastated with envy when I heard that Devaki inherited not only her mother's house but also $400,000 cash. Recognizing this due the intimate nature of our friendship (she has recently cut me out of her life due to her resentment of my leaving her for Roland-I was too afraid to be lesbian then and now that I could stand the challenge I find that i am not lesbian simply convoluted in my response to men dating back to early childhood.
Turns out that Courtney only completed ten units of high school-all the times when she said that she completed school work at school and I said but the other kids have hours of school work every day. Now she is facing this and feels so alone. Steve and I would like to help her get high school behind her so that she can go on to college. This is going to take time and energy and love and prayer.
Watching Mosaic with a Catholic interviewing a priest from San Jose who is a trained exorcist. I wonder if these practicing Catholics would consider me possessed? I know that I find the turn the church is taking these days troubling. Seems to me that we are going backwards into superstition and this will result in something very dangerous for us protestants-and I am not referring to religions here but to those of us who cannot believe that Life would be so cruel-requiring folks to imagine in only one way otherwise off to burn for eternity.
I also noted that this priest is invited only to FOX the current purveyor of the modern fascism-perhaps this is why I "left" the church-I cannot believe that the God of my experience would drive out anyone,anyone. I believe that my god(Father)/goddess(mother)/son/daughter will be there for anyone who honestly comes and says "I have been mistaken and I have failed and also I have hurt so many and failed so much please help me find the way to you and the way to express you here in my life in my time right now here on earth". I believe in that "divine spark" that the President referred to in his recent Nobel acceptance speech in Sweden and I believe that this spark can turn into a flame just in our sincere desire to change and live that change in our daily ordinary lives-the Saints are all wonderful and we could do that if confined to convents and monasteries with our lives focused on Jesus. I realized this the other day when someone quoted Dame Julian of Norwich-what I realized is that most of the folk even the lower sisters of her order had to work so hard just to eat and stay warm and have clothing that they simply had no time for reflecting on the Holy plus they could not read even if they came by something to read. I just had an awakening there. I still love Dame Julian being blessed to be born in a time and place where girls are educated freely and often out preform the boys.
At any rate the priest who is called to talk on FOX about the physical presence of Satan and the necessity of exorcism is aligned with the forces who want to destroy those who see things differently. Of course those who remain committed to the Church are going to feel attacked I think but this is not necessary-we are in a new age and I am thinking that this great conjunction of Jupiter/Neptune and Chiron in late Aquarius is something like the Star that the Magi followed in the Christ story. We are now in the Aquarian Age -perhaps not to my liking but here we are. I came across one astrologer ruminating on the loss of our environment and how perhaps in the mental sign of Aquarius we won't need the physical environment as we took for granted during the Piscean Age. I don't know that that is the last word but his words shook me up and caused me to look more deeply into my thoughts and beliefs. Fascinating shook me up oh little one with Mars/Venus rising in early Taurus.
lately I am coming to recognize the envy and jealousy and covetness in my makeup. I was devastated with envy when I heard that Devaki inherited not only her mother's house but also $400,000 cash. Recognizing this due the intimate nature of our friendship (she has recently cut me out of her life due to her resentment of my leaving her for Roland-I was too afraid to be lesbian then and now that I could stand the challenge I find that i am not lesbian simply convoluted in my response to men dating back to early childhood.
12/12/09
12/12/09
This is the feast day of Our Lady of Guadeloupe. Our dear Mother Mary who appeared to the peasant in the midst of roses scent to tell him how to carry on even in the cruelest of orders. As one young priest termed it her appearance celebrated the birth of "Mexicans" the union of europe and the New World.
I was reading a piece in Huffington Post regarding Jung and his Red Book. I have a feeling that it should never have been published but then how would people in these impoverished times know where to start? I imagine that there are still those like I once was-young and lost and stumbling on to Jung and suddenly feeling that there is a place for them after all.
I was too young indeed for Jung but my position was in emergency need of help and the good doctor and his assistants helped in the publishing of his books and letters and the transcripts of his lectures and I was nourished and therefore saved.
I say this having read his "biography"by Deidre Bair that was published in the past few years. she stripped his life of the inner reality and covered only his daily external life as the husband of a wealthy woman and their five children and his mistress Toni Wolff. the book was completely extraverted and judged him with the convention of his society. I guess this is because Diedre Bair is completely conventional and only understands life from that perspective.
This is the feast day of Our Lady of Guadeloupe. Our dear Mother Mary who appeared to the peasant in the midst of roses scent to tell him how to carry on even in the cruelest of orders. As one young priest termed it her appearance celebrated the birth of "Mexicans" the union of europe and the New World.
I was reading a piece in Huffington Post regarding Jung and his Red Book. I have a feeling that it should never have been published but then how would people in these impoverished times know where to start? I imagine that there are still those like I once was-young and lost and stumbling on to Jung and suddenly feeling that there is a place for them after all.
I was too young indeed for Jung but my position was in emergency need of help and the good doctor and his assistants helped in the publishing of his books and letters and the transcripts of his lectures and I was nourished and therefore saved.
I say this having read his "biography"by Deidre Bair that was published in the past few years. she stripped his life of the inner reality and covered only his daily external life as the husband of a wealthy woman and their five children and his mistress Toni Wolff. the book was completely extraverted and judged him with the convention of his society. I guess this is because Diedre Bair is completely conventional and only understands life from that perspective.
12/11/09
12/11/09On the Mars retrograde-I have three palnets in early to mid Leo. I believe that I will be looking at my home situation/family situation (Saturn Moon Pluto in the 4th in Leo) to see if what I have "doing" and believing is in harmony with others and with the "Universe". I may be very surprised by what this winter brings and what I "learn"-may see some changes in resources-Sun ruler of Leo in Gemini in the second house.
I wasn't able to write for several days, well two, because the keyboard quit and we had to get a new one. Steve generously let me use his iBOOK but that is not possible. He is working on final papers for himself, the Reverend,and has two new students he is working with.
Got up to eat eggs and ended up eating the eggs and toast and a little cereal and milk-I was hungry.
The cats are lovely-four cats one elder, three born 8/15/2009. We plan to adopt one more from that litter who looks exactly like our precious girl, Mercy. We will name the new cat Grace unless the new cat lets me know that that name is not suitable.
My wrists and hands are hurting and I am getting the pains up the arm just as I did when I began all this work on my wrists and hands. My mother had this problem but said that she never had a relapse. I wonder if this was because she was forever on pain medication for her ankle and knees. this was before the gubnitt went crazy about vicodin.
I wasn't able to write for several days, well two, because the keyboard quit and we had to get a new one. Steve generously let me use his iBOOK but that is not possible. He is working on final papers for himself, the Reverend,and has two new students he is working with.
Got up to eat eggs and ended up eating the eggs and toast and a little cereal and milk-I was hungry.
The cats are lovely-four cats one elder, three born 8/15/2009. We plan to adopt one more from that litter who looks exactly like our precious girl, Mercy. We will name the new cat Grace unless the new cat lets me know that that name is not suitable.
My wrists and hands are hurting and I am getting the pains up the arm just as I did when I began all this work on my wrists and hands. My mother had this problem but said that she never had a relapse. I wonder if this was because she was forever on pain medication for her ankle and knees. this was before the gubnitt went crazy about vicodin.
12/9/09
12/9/09Dali Lama quote:
“May anyone who sees me, hears me, thinks of me, talks about me, loves me, hates me, doesn’t care about me…by my presence in their life, may they somehow benefit, having their suffering transformed and happiness enhanced. And may I one day completely perfect my compassion, love and wisdom.”
“May anyone who sees me, hears me, thinks of me, talks about me, loves me, hates me, doesn’t care about me…by my presence in their life, may they somehow benefit, having their suffering transformed and happiness enhanced. And may I one day completely perfect my compassion, love and wisdom.”
12/7/09
12/7/09
So Happy Birthday John Stewart and Tom Waits-two of those born on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor/ Big advertisement about remembering the day but John Kennedy's murder went unacknowledged this year.
And I have decided not to linger longer in the past. Got the book with Thom Hartman on the Kennedy murder and now I think I understand and as usual the ugly human reasons,trite really-hatred and resentment-so common and history is changed. I must say it was better that the coup on Cuba did not succeed or rather that is how I see things. We would have no doubt had to go to war with Russia over that and god knows where that would have ended. Kennedy was out of his mind due to the Addison's condition-the non-functioning adrenal glands and the meds used to compensate. Seems to me that he would have led us into WW111-sad to say that but so it appears to me at this point.
I still think that there were more than just the Mafia and the right wingers involved due to that big barbecue the night before out at the Hunt brother's ranch and perhaps that will never be known but the Thom Hartman book cleared up a lot of things for me sad though I am. Definitely lost a hero there. Would love to hear about Robert Kennedy's journey from that point; he changed much to the point of his campaign for the Presidency which of course ended in his murder. How different things would have been with him and not Nixon. I remember walking up to the corner of 8th and Harrison and seeing the headlines: Nixon in a landslide or something like that. I was silent and perhaps had an intuition of the life to come. I was young just old enough to vote and I remember feeling the weight of the public opinion that could be the opposite of my own.
Had an intuition to call Gerald for money. I am broke due to family issues and I saw Gerald in a dream and would like to ask him to contribute without making a big issue of it. Today in the light of day I am not so sure but we are really broke and I don't think money is coming from the State since they are not sending out UIB/DIB checks AND this is all covered up in the media. This is outrageous and really scares me for us, the common folk. the Daddy Warbucks, etc are just doing as they please and fuck us because they own everything,EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
I think of work for the County and how many years I spent there. Driving through Richmond brings up sad memories of regret and failure-the time of the first Saturn return through my 6th-what a mess I was in those years of Roland ,Devaki and alcohol. shish!!!!! glad to leave that all behind but it comes back when I travel those streets. I remember this as the lowest part of my life and my psychiatrist of the time pointing out that the problem with Roland and I and my friends was the class thing not the race thing. I just hated myself for getting wrapped up with him but he was the only protection against Devaki and coming out as a lesbian which I guess I am but I didn't jump on the chance to be with Julie who was much nicer and very wealthy and so much fun but I just couldn't respond to her physcially and find men much more erotic and stimulating. Now with my beloved Steve I find that we are very well matched in terms of similar outlooks and desires and the sex is wonderful without any of the struggles of my earlier years.
Dr Oz is on the TV and he sounds very fascist to me. Advice on how to have the most beautiful, brightest healthiest babies but of course you must be American middle-class.
So Happy Birthday John Stewart and Tom Waits-two of those born on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor/ Big advertisement about remembering the day but John Kennedy's murder went unacknowledged this year.
And I have decided not to linger longer in the past. Got the book with Thom Hartman on the Kennedy murder and now I think I understand and as usual the ugly human reasons,trite really-hatred and resentment-so common and history is changed. I must say it was better that the coup on Cuba did not succeed or rather that is how I see things. We would have no doubt had to go to war with Russia over that and god knows where that would have ended. Kennedy was out of his mind due to the Addison's condition-the non-functioning adrenal glands and the meds used to compensate. Seems to me that he would have led us into WW111-sad to say that but so it appears to me at this point.
I still think that there were more than just the Mafia and the right wingers involved due to that big barbecue the night before out at the Hunt brother's ranch and perhaps that will never be known but the Thom Hartman book cleared up a lot of things for me sad though I am. Definitely lost a hero there. Would love to hear about Robert Kennedy's journey from that point; he changed much to the point of his campaign for the Presidency which of course ended in his murder. How different things would have been with him and not Nixon. I remember walking up to the corner of 8th and Harrison and seeing the headlines: Nixon in a landslide or something like that. I was silent and perhaps had an intuition of the life to come. I was young just old enough to vote and I remember feeling the weight of the public opinion that could be the opposite of my own.
Had an intuition to call Gerald for money. I am broke due to family issues and I saw Gerald in a dream and would like to ask him to contribute without making a big issue of it. Today in the light of day I am not so sure but we are really broke and I don't think money is coming from the State since they are not sending out UIB/DIB checks AND this is all covered up in the media. This is outrageous and really scares me for us, the common folk. the Daddy Warbucks, etc are just doing as they please and fuck us because they own everything,EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
I think of work for the County and how many years I spent there. Driving through Richmond brings up sad memories of regret and failure-the time of the first Saturn return through my 6th-what a mess I was in those years of Roland ,Devaki and alcohol. shish!!!!! glad to leave that all behind but it comes back when I travel those streets. I remember this as the lowest part of my life and my psychiatrist of the time pointing out that the problem with Roland and I and my friends was the class thing not the race thing. I just hated myself for getting wrapped up with him but he was the only protection against Devaki and coming out as a lesbian which I guess I am but I didn't jump on the chance to be with Julie who was much nicer and very wealthy and so much fun but I just couldn't respond to her physcially and find men much more erotic and stimulating. Now with my beloved Steve I find that we are very well matched in terms of similar outlooks and desires and the sex is wonderful without any of the struggles of my earlier years.
Dr Oz is on the TV and he sounds very fascist to me. Advice on how to have the most beautiful, brightest healthiest babies but of course you must be American middle-class.
12/6/09 continued
12/6/09 continued
So the morning caught up in washing dishes ,folding dried clothes and tranfering wet clothes to the dryer, getting Arvin to take out trash and recycling.etc.etc.etc. now I can jot down a couple of lines if they are not all lost in the mist as the poets have said.
There is a reconfirmation of the FED Director who is a man younger than I a little prickly little shit of a man at least he looks like a little prick as the streets would word it and there is a lot of street/farmer/worker in me/
\In his closing remarks begging for his job he said that we should go after the money contained in the "entitlement" programs. He went so far as to say that the only reason we continue to pay is that the programs are mandatory and if the congress changed the law the Treasury would not have those constraints and could get our Ship of State righted. Dianne Feinstein our beloved war mongering senator.
I just wrote her a letter on her site. I was rude but my thoughts are definitely ruder. These fucks are simply unbelievable:we have been in war now in the Middle East ,out loud,in the news war since When? I am not sure but before Bush's 2003. We have destroyed Iraq and killed at least a million people there, I don't know what the stats are on Afghanistan. The "embassy" in Iraq is like a small city. I find this so ugly-I mean that we should kill all these people and then just take this huge shit in the front yard. The image creeps me out but I can not shake it-this describes the blind and unconscious Pluto in Capricorn in the second house of the Sibley chart for the US.
I also like America's Scorpionic chart and I am always drawn to it however the author of that chart died young and so the discussion lags and will eventually, in my lifetime, I do believe, be forgotten.
So the morning caught up in washing dishes ,folding dried clothes and tranfering wet clothes to the dryer, getting Arvin to take out trash and recycling.etc.etc.etc. now I can jot down a couple of lines if they are not all lost in the mist as the poets have said.
There is a reconfirmation of the FED Director who is a man younger than I a little prickly little shit of a man at least he looks like a little prick as the streets would word it and there is a lot of street/farmer/worker in me/
\In his closing remarks begging for his job he said that we should go after the money contained in the "entitlement" programs. He went so far as to say that the only reason we continue to pay is that the programs are mandatory and if the congress changed the law the Treasury would not have those constraints and could get our Ship of State righted. Dianne Feinstein our beloved war mongering senator.
I just wrote her a letter on her site. I was rude but my thoughts are definitely ruder. These fucks are simply unbelievable:we have been in war now in the Middle East ,out loud,in the news war since When? I am not sure but before Bush's 2003. We have destroyed Iraq and killed at least a million people there, I don't know what the stats are on Afghanistan. The "embassy" in Iraq is like a small city. I find this so ugly-I mean that we should kill all these people and then just take this huge shit in the front yard. The image creeps me out but I can not shake it-this describes the blind and unconscious Pluto in Capricorn in the second house of the Sibley chart for the US.
I also like America's Scorpionic chart and I am always drawn to it however the author of that chart died young and so the discussion lags and will eventually, in my lifetime, I do believe, be forgotten.
12/6/200912/06/09 Didn't write yesterday either. Went over to Laney to attend the Pow-Wow put together by the clinic for Native American Women and
12/06/09
Didn't write yesterday either. Went over to Laney to attend the Pow-Wow put together by the clinic for Native American Women and Children and Family Clinic in Oakland. Rita Betance tried to go there for her Master's degree work but left quickly. she said that racial prejudice,etc were rampant there: I saw a huge woman tall and weighing at least 300 lbs presiding over the table of info and donations,etc set way back. I thought of what Rita had reported and how her stunning beauty might inspire some to drive her out. Just a passing thought.
Arvin is watching "Slum Dog Millionaire" which is a wonderful film but I loath India. Must have died there many times or something because I hate the music, the voices,the religions,etc. although I love the food. the film is good but I just hate the way folks are treated when there are too many. Devaki went there with her beloved SwamiJi and also hated it but did say that the one thing she learned is the lack of shame there in poverty. she said everyone is poor so there is no stigma.
Broke again and no prospects of the State paying S.: Schwarzenegger's State is not even paying UIB/DIB and hiding the facts. this is ugly and then at the level of the FED Bernanke is recommending that the government change from claiming SSA and Medicare from mandatory to non mandatory and the media guys the fat pigs have hidden that as well. this is ugly and I guess the fear monsters are very close to drawing a clear picture of what is going to happen here. I just can't believe this but believe I must. The monsters of the Universe are doing all that they can to enslave the world. I do not believe that they will succeed although" it" may appear that they have.
Didn't write yesterday either. Went over to Laney to attend the Pow-Wow put together by the clinic for Native American Women and Children and Family Clinic in Oakland. Rita Betance tried to go there for her Master's degree work but left quickly. she said that racial prejudice,etc were rampant there: I saw a huge woman tall and weighing at least 300 lbs presiding over the table of info and donations,etc set way back. I thought of what Rita had reported and how her stunning beauty might inspire some to drive her out. Just a passing thought.
Arvin is watching "Slum Dog Millionaire" which is a wonderful film but I loath India. Must have died there many times or something because I hate the music, the voices,the religions,etc. although I love the food. the film is good but I just hate the way folks are treated when there are too many. Devaki went there with her beloved SwamiJi and also hated it but did say that the one thing she learned is the lack of shame there in poverty. she said everyone is poor so there is no stigma.
Broke again and no prospects of the State paying S.: Schwarzenegger's State is not even paying UIB/DIB and hiding the facts. this is ugly and then at the level of the FED Bernanke is recommending that the government change from claiming SSA and Medicare from mandatory to non mandatory and the media guys the fat pigs have hidden that as well. this is ugly and I guess the fear monsters are very close to drawing a clear picture of what is going to happen here. I just can't believe this but believe I must. The monsters of the Universe are doing all that they can to enslave the world. I do not believe that they will succeed although" it" may appear that they have.
12/02/2009
12/02/09
Perhaps this is the day I give up on the internet and the blogs for a while.
Politics have once again disgusted me. We have struggled to get Obama elected and for what? He only continues to follow the old ways and registers his contempt for those of us of the lower classes-Obama his so enamored of the money guys he couldn't care less about those of us who struggle to raise children and protect our families,etc. He is a cold,arrogant liar and I imagine that is all the US can get at this point.
I wish that I could tell him how low I see him-lowly lying monster who lied to us to get into office. I just had a fantasy that he is doing this so that the "Masters of the Universe" can get Sarah Palin in office and then control everything.
Well enough of that-I am planning on moving away from the politics until the day comes when there is war in the streets and I will sign up to help feed the hungry and comfort the young ones.
The kIds are as usual planning to stay in bed and reschedule-well no they will not. This is their last chance to start taking care or Jamal goes home to whatever he has and Courtney starts dealing with life.
I so believe in having fun but not at the expense of everything else. These kids have not finished high school and can not find employment any where mostly because they absolutely lack heart won't make any effort.
Courtney will only put herself out for her beloved raves at the cost of over a hundred dollars. She is bone lazy and nasty. Well the gig is up today-this is over. no more.
Perhaps this is the day I give up on the internet and the blogs for a while.
Politics have once again disgusted me. We have struggled to get Obama elected and for what? He only continues to follow the old ways and registers his contempt for those of us of the lower classes-Obama his so enamored of the money guys he couldn't care less about those of us who struggle to raise children and protect our families,etc. He is a cold,arrogant liar and I imagine that is all the US can get at this point.
I wish that I could tell him how low I see him-lowly lying monster who lied to us to get into office. I just had a fantasy that he is doing this so that the "Masters of the Universe" can get Sarah Palin in office and then control everything.
Well enough of that-I am planning on moving away from the politics until the day comes when there is war in the streets and I will sign up to help feed the hungry and comfort the young ones.
The kIds are as usual planning to stay in bed and reschedule-well no they will not. This is their last chance to start taking care or Jamal goes home to whatever he has and Courtney starts dealing with life.
I so believe in having fun but not at the expense of everything else. These kids have not finished high school and can not find employment any where mostly because they absolutely lack heart won't make any effort.
Courtney will only put herself out for her beloved raves at the cost of over a hundred dollars. She is bone lazy and nasty. Well the gig is up today-this is over. no more.
article from WICCA Newsletter
Times Read: 1,766
RSS Views: 2,255
Daily Goddess Awareness
Author: Lady Abigail [a WitchVox Sponsor]
Posted: November 29th. 2009
Times Viewed: 1,766
Autumn is that time of year when we all seem to feel the magickal energies of the Great Goddess. With every change of the weather, every warm or cool breeze, we feel Her a stirring within our spirits. As the seasons transform the dark green earth of summer into a kaleidoscope of colors we sense the Goddess all around us. We feel Her power, Her majesty, and Her wonder. It is this time of year that stirs the very essence of our being.
Fall is also an extremely busy time of year. First there is Samhain, then November Blessings and next we have Yule. We seem to be rushing constantly, busy within our traditions and our faith. It is a time when most become more aware of their spiritual path. This time of year seems to bring out a longing to be more connected with the Goddess and find that part of Her personal to each of us.
I remember days as a child running in the leaves, climbing trees and the magick I felt being with my family. The energy that embraced each day spent with my Great Grandmother and my Aunts as they watched over me. They taught me about the seasons and the magick hidden within each. Yet more importantly they taught me the blessings and wonders of the Goddess.
The morning sunrise was breaking across the mountaintops and I could just see the golden rays beginning to touch the treetops across the yard. The Autumn colors were glowing as if they were flames from a great bonfire in the heavens. I watched as the long shadows from the dawning light moved stealthily along the ground. The sunlight catching the frost on the newly fallen leaves made them glisten on the ground.
I knew it must have been a cold night but I didn’t notice it at the time. It was November and the Autumn weather in the Ozarks could change as quickly as a leaf falling to the ground. It was also the full moon, a time when my family gathered around the fire and danced in celebration to honor of the Goddess before Her winters sleep.
The full moons and dark moons were always a time of gatherings for my family; a time to give honor unto the Goddess and to work miraculous feats of magick, healing and encircling energy.
However, honoring the Goddess was not something done only at the full or dark moons. Each day I learned to give the Goddess honor in invocation and/or devotion. Later I would learn how to connect with Goddess within my daily meditation. My Great Grandmother taught me that it was not only the authority and power of the Goddess that we honored; but Her spirit, that part of Her we draw within our very beings. For when we call unto Goddess, She renews of our souls. I learned that the Goddess was within my heart, my spirit and the essence of my being. Each time I brought Her unto me, it gives me strength not to forget who I was within myself.
That morning I lay in my bed waiting to hear my Great Grandmother calling me to breakfast. I knew that there would be fresh hot biscuits with gravy, eggs and ham on the table. But it was cold, and if I waited for her to call, the kitchen would be nice and warm from the wood stove that my Great Grandmother cooked on. I knew even then that in my life with my Great Grandmother, there were some things I could always count on.
Today, when I look back at my childhood, I recognize that those times with my Great Grandmother were the most magickal and spiritual of my life. She taught me an understanding that surpasses all the books and studies of my entire life. She taught me to see beyond that which others saw. To see what was hidden within their words and actions. She taught me that the Goddess was a living spirit, not just a power we call on when we need something or in High Holy rites.
The Goddess is not the same for all of us. She is known by thousands of names and yet there are still names unto us that She is unknown. Some see the Goddess as a Maiden, young and filled with the innocence of youth. Others see Her as the Mother, a woman of sexuality as well as fertility, and a woman of strength, growing within Her own personal power. Still others see Her as the Crone, an elderly woman of great wisdom, wise with understanding and experience in life but unafraid of what is to come. For others, each aspect of the Goddess is encompassed within different enlightenments, different names.
However we perceive the Goddess is personal unto each one of us. It is how we seek the Goddess that gives us our individual relationship with Her. How I see the Goddess when I stand before Her in honor may not be the same vision She gives unto another. There are no rules and we need not see Her the same.
Daily Goddess Awareness; Invocation, Mediation, Devotion
Invocation: Invocation is that time you take to give honor and praise unto the Goddess. Set aside a moment to light a candle each morning. As you do, give honor and respect unto the Goddess as you see Her. It can be something different each day according to what you feel. Some people find it more comfortable for some their words to be in rhyme or chant. Whatever you decide to say let it be from your heart. Then each time during the day when you see the candle, it will remind you of that part of who you are within your spiritual path.
Meditation: Mediation is one way many have learned to draw the Goddess within. In mediation you can allow that state of consciousness the freedom to bring clarity into your spirit. As your mind clears it gives you awareness to that which is outside the physical. Once you become aware of that outer consciousness, you can seek out the Goddess within your spirit as you know Her. Each time bringing a greater understanding of that spiritual element shared.
Devotion: A moment of personal devotion a simple way to touch each day with the Goddess within your spirit. Set a time daily to take a moment to say thank you unto the Goddess, as you know Her. It is the time for you to give honor to that part of the Goddess that gives you your personal power. Make it a part of your daily routine and soon it will become your personal tradition.
I need to say that these daily awareness’s of invocation, mediation, and devotion’s work equally as well for those working with both the Goddess and the God, Lord and Lady. Again depending on your personal traditions and how your see each within your beliefs.
Getting started can be hard; keeping a commitment to anything daily is not always easy. Some days you may forget, that is normal, you are learning a new habit. But if it is right for you and with determination before long it will be in your spirit and a part of each day. Allow yourself the time to find out if a daily work fits your spiritual path. It has been said that it takes twenty-one days of repeated actions to make a new routine or habit.
I am in no way saying this is the right thing for everyone. I have found over the years that those few moments that I take to personally connect with the Goddess give me great comfort as it enlightens my spirit.
All wonder and miracles,
All creatures upon the earth,
All things wise and beautiful;
Our Mother gave them birth.
By: Lady Abigail
High Priestess Ravensgrove Coven
Greenfield, IN
RSS Views: 2,255
Daily Goddess Awareness
Author: Lady Abigail [a WitchVox Sponsor]
Posted: November 29th. 2009
Times Viewed: 1,766
Autumn is that time of year when we all seem to feel the magickal energies of the Great Goddess. With every change of the weather, every warm or cool breeze, we feel Her a stirring within our spirits. As the seasons transform the dark green earth of summer into a kaleidoscope of colors we sense the Goddess all around us. We feel Her power, Her majesty, and Her wonder. It is this time of year that stirs the very essence of our being.
Fall is also an extremely busy time of year. First there is Samhain, then November Blessings and next we have Yule. We seem to be rushing constantly, busy within our traditions and our faith. It is a time when most become more aware of their spiritual path. This time of year seems to bring out a longing to be more connected with the Goddess and find that part of Her personal to each of us.
I remember days as a child running in the leaves, climbing trees and the magick I felt being with my family. The energy that embraced each day spent with my Great Grandmother and my Aunts as they watched over me. They taught me about the seasons and the magick hidden within each. Yet more importantly they taught me the blessings and wonders of the Goddess.
The morning sunrise was breaking across the mountaintops and I could just see the golden rays beginning to touch the treetops across the yard. The Autumn colors were glowing as if they were flames from a great bonfire in the heavens. I watched as the long shadows from the dawning light moved stealthily along the ground. The sunlight catching the frost on the newly fallen leaves made them glisten on the ground.
I knew it must have been a cold night but I didn’t notice it at the time. It was November and the Autumn weather in the Ozarks could change as quickly as a leaf falling to the ground. It was also the full moon, a time when my family gathered around the fire and danced in celebration to honor of the Goddess before Her winters sleep.
The full moons and dark moons were always a time of gatherings for my family; a time to give honor unto the Goddess and to work miraculous feats of magick, healing and encircling energy.
However, honoring the Goddess was not something done only at the full or dark moons. Each day I learned to give the Goddess honor in invocation and/or devotion. Later I would learn how to connect with Goddess within my daily meditation. My Great Grandmother taught me that it was not only the authority and power of the Goddess that we honored; but Her spirit, that part of Her we draw within our very beings. For when we call unto Goddess, She renews of our souls. I learned that the Goddess was within my heart, my spirit and the essence of my being. Each time I brought Her unto me, it gives me strength not to forget who I was within myself.
That morning I lay in my bed waiting to hear my Great Grandmother calling me to breakfast. I knew that there would be fresh hot biscuits with gravy, eggs and ham on the table. But it was cold, and if I waited for her to call, the kitchen would be nice and warm from the wood stove that my Great Grandmother cooked on. I knew even then that in my life with my Great Grandmother, there were some things I could always count on.
Today, when I look back at my childhood, I recognize that those times with my Great Grandmother were the most magickal and spiritual of my life. She taught me an understanding that surpasses all the books and studies of my entire life. She taught me to see beyond that which others saw. To see what was hidden within their words and actions. She taught me that the Goddess was a living spirit, not just a power we call on when we need something or in High Holy rites.
The Goddess is not the same for all of us. She is known by thousands of names and yet there are still names unto us that She is unknown. Some see the Goddess as a Maiden, young and filled with the innocence of youth. Others see Her as the Mother, a woman of sexuality as well as fertility, and a woman of strength, growing within Her own personal power. Still others see Her as the Crone, an elderly woman of great wisdom, wise with understanding and experience in life but unafraid of what is to come. For others, each aspect of the Goddess is encompassed within different enlightenments, different names.
However we perceive the Goddess is personal unto each one of us. It is how we seek the Goddess that gives us our individual relationship with Her. How I see the Goddess when I stand before Her in honor may not be the same vision She gives unto another. There are no rules and we need not see Her the same.
Daily Goddess Awareness; Invocation, Mediation, Devotion
Invocation: Invocation is that time you take to give honor and praise unto the Goddess. Set aside a moment to light a candle each morning. As you do, give honor and respect unto the Goddess as you see Her. It can be something different each day according to what you feel. Some people find it more comfortable for some their words to be in rhyme or chant. Whatever you decide to say let it be from your heart. Then each time during the day when you see the candle, it will remind you of that part of who you are within your spiritual path.
Meditation: Mediation is one way many have learned to draw the Goddess within. In mediation you can allow that state of consciousness the freedom to bring clarity into your spirit. As your mind clears it gives you awareness to that which is outside the physical. Once you become aware of that outer consciousness, you can seek out the Goddess within your spirit as you know Her. Each time bringing a greater understanding of that spiritual element shared.
Devotion: A moment of personal devotion a simple way to touch each day with the Goddess within your spirit. Set a time daily to take a moment to say thank you unto the Goddess, as you know Her. It is the time for you to give honor to that part of the Goddess that gives you your personal power. Make it a part of your daily routine and soon it will become your personal tradition.
I need to say that these daily awareness’s of invocation, mediation, and devotion’s work equally as well for those working with both the Goddess and the God, Lord and Lady. Again depending on your personal traditions and how your see each within your beliefs.
Getting started can be hard; keeping a commitment to anything daily is not always easy. Some days you may forget, that is normal, you are learning a new habit. But if it is right for you and with determination before long it will be in your spirit and a part of each day. Allow yourself the time to find out if a daily work fits your spiritual path. It has been said that it takes twenty-one days of repeated actions to make a new routine or habit.
I am in no way saying this is the right thing for everyone. I have found over the years that those few moments that I take to personally connect with the Goddess give me great comfort as it enlightens my spirit.
All wonder and miracles,
All creatures upon the earth,
All things wise and beautiful;
Our Mother gave them birth.
By: Lady Abigail
High Priestess Ravensgrove Coven
Greenfield, IN
12/01/09
Clymela 12/0/09
H
I'm an old woman and there are only a few things that I know for sure: Grounding is important. Kindness is seldom wasted. Photosynthesis is the highest good. Keep your house clean, your papers in order, some money set aside. Don't tell the Man much about yourself. Sisters make it all much better. As above, so below; as inside, so without. The moment when monkey mind most wants to take over, when fears are most intense, when you have the most reasons to turn back -- that's the moment when magic can happen. Hecate will be there for me, at the end. And, Starhawk is right. There is no substitute for human beings putting our bodies in the way of the operations of injustice. I have been glad every time that I did that, and I regret every time that I lost an opportunity to do so. I'm old, but I know this for sure
This wonderful woman has been calling to me for several days now-since I discovered her last year I think but the past two days she has written about getting through winter and her advice is something that I can carry with me and actually put into "practice".
I am especially drawn to her her words "I am an old woman". I am working with this myself.
I only watch politics and an occasional old movie and NCIS on television-because I am absolutely not interested in what the children and grandchildren are watching and I realize this is because I grew up on totally different images.
When I go shopping the women for the most part are no longer my peers, there is the occasional "old woman" but the mostly the women are at least 20 years younger. The people serving the customers are at least twenty years younger and of course much,much younger.
Yesterday Hecate suggested determining the things we like,staying with those and letting the others go. Good advice for winter the season of the year and also for that season of our lives.
I am only at the beginning of the Crone stage but this time of winter (menopause is now 10 years past and I have forgotten the passion of that passage) and I feel the passion of the shift.
When the shift first became apparent to me I was taken aback: i said why am I thinking that I am old and then I noticed that I was "out there" as far as the daily life goes. The music doesn't sound like music,the raves that my grand daughter loves do not appeal to me, the reality shows on television bore me to tears and so I would rather read,cook,garden,walk
H
I'm an old woman and there are only a few things that I know for sure: Grounding is important. Kindness is seldom wasted. Photosynthesis is the highest good. Keep your house clean, your papers in order, some money set aside. Don't tell the Man much about yourself. Sisters make it all much better. As above, so below; as inside, so without. The moment when monkey mind most wants to take over, when fears are most intense, when you have the most reasons to turn back -- that's the moment when magic can happen. Hecate will be there for me, at the end. And, Starhawk is right. There is no substitute for human beings putting our bodies in the way of the operations of injustice. I have been glad every time that I did that, and I regret every time that I lost an opportunity to do so. I'm old, but I know this for sure
This wonderful woman has been calling to me for several days now-since I discovered her last year I think but the past two days she has written about getting through winter and her advice is something that I can carry with me and actually put into "practice".
I am especially drawn to her her words "I am an old woman". I am working with this myself.
I only watch politics and an occasional old movie and NCIS on television-because I am absolutely not interested in what the children and grandchildren are watching and I realize this is because I grew up on totally different images.
When I go shopping the women for the most part are no longer my peers, there is the occasional "old woman" but the mostly the women are at least 20 years younger. The people serving the customers are at least twenty years younger and of course much,much younger.
Yesterday Hecate suggested determining the things we like,staying with those and letting the others go. Good advice for winter the season of the year and also for that season of our lives.
I am only at the beginning of the Crone stage but this time of winter (menopause is now 10 years past and I have forgotten the passion of that passage) and I feel the passion of the shift.
When the shift first became apparent to me I was taken aback: i said why am I thinking that I am old and then I noticed that I was "out there" as far as the daily life goes. The music doesn't sound like music,the raves that my grand daughter loves do not appeal to me, the reality shows on television bore me to tears and so I would rather read,cook,garden,walk
11/28/09
Who Says?
How much of the stuff that you do this time of year gives you pleasure?
Can you stick to that and ditch the rest?
Can you insure that you get some time outside, even if it means bundling up?
Can you do your daily practice daily every day between now and December 31st?
I have a dear friend who always counsels, when faced with a decision: think about how you'll feel if you do this. Think about how you'll feel if you don't.
It's pretty good advice. The Wheel of the Year is winding down. Why can't you?
It takes 3 minutes to ground.
Posted by Hecate at 5:42 PM 0 comments Links to this post
So okay here I am having taken a moment to ground. I read this and was so moved by the words and thoughts.
I have been writing in public because of the dream I had years ago when amy was very little that "
the Voice" said to me "those are your words and thoughts and they are sacred and you should put them down"
so I wanted to find my group but I don't think that there is a group for me although I do have friends who like to come around and we like to do things together but they don't read my writing and it is witheringly personal and domestic and therefore limited to my narcississtic wailings.
It was the fear of Joyce reading what I was writing that woke me up to the need to transfer to this mode although I did like the thought of writing to the people I love-the Pagan Quakers and the astrology folk at AW and Starlight.
Over on Starlight there is much discussion of of beings from other dimensions watching over us. Today I found a discussion of orbs of light that can be captured by digital cameras in the dark. Well I wonder if that isn't a simple function of the digital camera without a light source-I don't know but flying around looking for beings from other dimensions is too ungrounded for me-I guess this is the current version of angels watching over us which I accept but do not dwell on.
I don't seem to have suffered too much from letting go of God as a great, big man a King in Heaven. I realize that that we are energy and that we come in through this and then we die. To me it seems simple that when we die "we" return to our origin but there is no way that we can "know" this in our life. I guess that is why the good fathers/mothers direct us to faith.
I was thinking of the women I have loved Hilldegard von Begin and others whose name escape me now but I was thinking that they produced so much about Jesus and God because they were literally trapped in the convents. There was no other life for them so they turned to what was available-prayer and meditation and song and healing the sick and producing medicines.
What I am touching here is that everything is within us. that is the secret.
I was dreaming about having met a wonderful teacher but knowing that I am not worthy, my sins are too deep-the sins of thievery and lying and the abandonment of my children these have left too deep a mark and my life is limited because of this and that will have to be okay although I was allowed to see how these things worked. The teacher thought that I would be okay but there was way too much that I don't understand-the people I work with thought that I was unsuited to the advancement.
Strange that I would have that dream when I feel more acceptance of myself now than I ever have although talking with Valerie and Shawn stirs up all the old pain and Lisa's death will always be pain-I will always wonder if I could have helped.
How much of the stuff that you do this time of year gives you pleasure?
Can you stick to that and ditch the rest?
Can you insure that you get some time outside, even if it means bundling up?
Can you do your daily practice daily every day between now and December 31st?
I have a dear friend who always counsels, when faced with a decision: think about how you'll feel if you do this. Think about how you'll feel if you don't.
It's pretty good advice. The Wheel of the Year is winding down. Why can't you?
It takes 3 minutes to ground.
Posted by Hecate at 5:42 PM 0 comments Links to this post
So okay here I am having taken a moment to ground. I read this and was so moved by the words and thoughts.
I have been writing in public because of the dream I had years ago when amy was very little that "
the Voice" said to me "those are your words and thoughts and they are sacred and you should put them down"
so I wanted to find my group but I don't think that there is a group for me although I do have friends who like to come around and we like to do things together but they don't read my writing and it is witheringly personal and domestic and therefore limited to my narcississtic wailings.
It was the fear of Joyce reading what I was writing that woke me up to the need to transfer to this mode although I did like the thought of writing to the people I love-the Pagan Quakers and the astrology folk at AW and Starlight.
Over on Starlight there is much discussion of of beings from other dimensions watching over us. Today I found a discussion of orbs of light that can be captured by digital cameras in the dark. Well I wonder if that isn't a simple function of the digital camera without a light source-I don't know but flying around looking for beings from other dimensions is too ungrounded for me-I guess this is the current version of angels watching over us which I accept but do not dwell on.
I don't seem to have suffered too much from letting go of God as a great, big man a King in Heaven. I realize that that we are energy and that we come in through this and then we die. To me it seems simple that when we die "we" return to our origin but there is no way that we can "know" this in our life. I guess that is why the good fathers/mothers direct us to faith.
I was thinking of the women I have loved Hilldegard von Begin and others whose name escape me now but I was thinking that they produced so much about Jesus and God because they were literally trapped in the convents. There was no other life for them so they turned to what was available-prayer and meditation and song and healing the sick and producing medicines.
What I am touching here is that everything is within us. that is the secret.
I was dreaming about having met a wonderful teacher but knowing that I am not worthy, my sins are too deep-the sins of thievery and lying and the abandonment of my children these have left too deep a mark and my life is limited because of this and that will have to be okay although I was allowed to see how these things worked. The teacher thought that I would be okay but there was way too much that I don't understand-the people I work with thought that I was unsuited to the advancement.
Strange that I would have that dream when I feel more acceptance of myself now than I ever have although talking with Valerie and Shawn stirs up all the old pain and Lisa's death will always be pain-I will always wonder if I could have helped.
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