12/13/09

12/13/09 So when i awakened at around 4:15 I had an upset stomach and then when i tried to return to sleep I could not. the older kids,Courtney and Jamal are still up-Jamal says that he is writing his essays for the course at laney.
Turns out that Courtney only completed ten units of high school-all the times when she said that she completed school work at school and I said but the other kids have hours of school work every day. Now she is facing this and feels so alone. Steve and I would like to help her get high school behind her so that she can go on to college. This is going to take time and energy and love and prayer.

Watching Mosaic with a Catholic interviewing a priest from San Jose who is a trained exorcist. I wonder if these practicing Catholics would consider me possessed? I know that I find the turn the church is taking these days troubling. Seems to me that we are going backwards into superstition and this will result in something very dangerous for us protestants-and I am not referring to religions here but to those of us who cannot believe that Life would be so cruel-requiring folks to imagine in only one way otherwise off to burn for eternity.
I also noted that this priest is invited only to FOX the current purveyor of the modern fascism-perhaps this is why I "left" the church-I cannot believe that the God of my experience would drive out anyone,anyone. I believe that my god(Father)/goddess(mother)/son/daughter will be there for anyone who honestly comes and says "I have been mistaken and I have failed and also I have hurt so many and failed so much please help me find the way to you and the way to express you here in my life in my time right now here on earth". I believe in that "divine spark" that the President referred to in his recent Nobel acceptance speech in Sweden and I believe that this spark can turn into a flame just in our sincere desire to change and live that change in our daily ordinary lives-the Saints are all wonderful and we could do that if confined to convents and monasteries with our lives focused on Jesus. I realized this the other day when someone quoted Dame Julian of Norwich-what I realized is that most of the folk even the lower sisters of her order had to work so hard just to eat and stay warm and have clothing that they simply had no time for reflecting on the Holy plus they could not read even if they came by something to read. I just had an awakening there. I still love Dame Julian being blessed to be born in a time and place where girls are educated freely and often out preform the boys.
At any rate the priest who is called to talk on FOX about the physical presence of Satan and the necessity of exorcism is aligned with the forces who want to destroy those who see things differently. Of course those who remain committed to the Church are going to feel attacked I think but this is not necessary-we are in a new age and I am thinking that this great conjunction of Jupiter/Neptune and Chiron in late Aquarius is something like the Star that the Magi followed in the Christ story. We are now in the Aquarian Age -perhaps not to my liking but here we are. I came across one astrologer ruminating on the loss of our environment and how perhaps in the mental sign of Aquarius we won't need the physical environment as we took for granted during the Piscean Age. I don't know that that is the last word but his words shook me up and caused me to look more deeply into my thoughts and beliefs. Fascinating shook me up oh little one with Mars/Venus rising in early Taurus.
lately I am coming to recognize the envy and jealousy and covetness in my makeup. I was devastated with envy when I heard that Devaki inherited not only her mother's house but also $400,000 cash. Recognizing this due the intimate nature of our friendship (she has recently cut me out of her life due to her resentment of my leaving her for Roland-I was too afraid to be lesbian then and now that I could stand the challenge I find that i am not lesbian simply convoluted in my response to men dating back to early childhood.