I was walking down the stairs at harwood with laundry or trash and I see the Avacado Tree before me and recognize Her as my Queen the source of wisdom the foundation of my education and transformation (and incidentally the source of my unending admiratou for J. She lead us to this place where ultimately we lived until A was 7) the reason I could not ever get into her apt without climbing up ( and never getting there!!) she knew all of this before i did. Just as I wlaked into the sun from under Her shade I saw beautiful Gloria with a halo of golden hair calling me by name saying Clymela I am your guide. I was jumping around in thought She is to the right the Tree is to the left trying to reassure myself that I am not making a fool of my coveting, jealous little self but just earlier I had just seen how active covetousness is in my heart and prayed to be healed of the poison of covetouness that drain on life force that is how I got dark and fat and wasted the next 30 years-focusing on what THEY had rather than what I was doing-South node stuff looking at them their wealth their talents and privileges and neglecting my own dreams and giving up completely the worst being when I joined up with Roland and joined in his outlaw games that only to escape Devaki who was not Elaine,