No april fool's here today. No writing just reading looking, I guess, for someone else's wisdom. fighting seperating. Aimee sleeping ll day saying there is nothing she needs to do while Arvin just melts down.
Last night while massaging him I felt his sadness and thought that the sadness is connected to his being left in the hospital at birth even after his mama left. I was back at work but felt that I was responsible to love him which I failed at again.
Arvin is now going to a school for kids who cannot make it anywhere else. He was so upset and acting out and Aimee just kept sleeping,ignoring him. I went crazy and I am still crazy. I am getting blamed for this and this is not my play. Aimee is still hating on me and won't admit it.
Going on 9:30 and she hasn't yet called him to go shopping for new pants,etc and he has been up since 7:00 waiting. The closer she comes the more he feels alienated from me and I do want her to take over but she won't-when the money is gone she will go back to sleep. they have no home and I don't think she will get one this time. Our satruns are in square-exact and her saturn sits exactly on my mars and then of course on venus so I receive her judgement on the area of life where I want to be free although I have mars sq saturn myself. Yesterday she exploded when i mentioned how she is sarcastic and hurtful to Arvin much as her father was to her. she doesn't see what i am pointing to and she screamed that the years with her father were the best much better than anything I offered but she wouldn't touch the fact that Gerald just abandoned her for his young family when she was 16. I won't even bring up how impoverished we were living in the Bay Area on my welfare worker salary. I do want her to go away and all her interpretations of everything. Courtney doesn't want to be around me and that is okay with me. I am stuck with trying to figure out how to help Arvin. I wonder if his schooling will be interupted because they are homeless and someone could say that they no longer Berkeley residents.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment