Yesterday I totally blew my cool at work. Around 12:45 I looked up and noticed that my entire unit was missing. I was shocked because lunch is over at 12:30. When the clok said 1:00 I started to think " they have gone out together and said absolutely nothing to me and just left me alone to cover the unit,etc. Monei our clerical person came in and I asked her mean self if she knew where the unit was but i guess she was thinking that I was asking about her late return although I wasn't I just thought that perhaps Miriam had advised her that they would be out. Alas no was the snarky answer. Finally the unit returned at about 1:45 laughing and Miriam said "they forced me to go" and then I realized that this was meant to hurt me planned I suspect by Charlene and believe me I was hurt on so many levels. Oh Chiron in Scorpio in the 7th-reminders of Cheri Brollier and the snubbing by those who when Cheri was not around liked me-Guylene,Sheila, Carolyn Sue but when she was arond were very mean to me. Well this morning i see that clearly and do forgive myself for falling into the Deceiver's trap-a reminder that I am still trapped there still vuneralbe to rejection by the group. Also, this morning I remember that Charlene has been shunning me for several days. I was slow to pick up on this but finally I noticed when I noticed that Aracelli has not talked to me for days. At work I was angry and then when I got away I was grieving, weeping feeling so abandoned and not knowing why. This morning I realized that Charlene has gotten very pissy before when she had to work on my cases and she has had to work on my cases lately due to the restricted duty. Yesterday she even made a point of showing everyone her crickett farm and walked right by me although I was interested in her turtles and the story of their lives together. Well this is so petty but these people really hurt me and they dug their knives in deeply and this is why I don't trust people-they don't like me they even hate me and I must ber such a creep but I don't feel like a creep and I genuinely like them-funny this theme that has been repeating since I was seven years.
Soooo- I have been watching Susan Boyle from Scotland-when she waled onto the stage everyone snickered because she was so ordinary, working-class appearing and she said that she was going to sing "I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Miserables. Oh the snickers and then she sang and everyone was blown away and she sang for all of us who are rejected and laughed at.