So this morning I felt the sadness that my father must have felt when he realized that he not only had melanoma but that the melanoma had won. I felt such a wave of grief and defeat. started out by reading Robert Frost describing the death in life by describing the sight of a spider on an herb holding a white moth that appeared to be a piece of white satin. I was first judgmental of him for seeing evil in that vision but on second reading I think I realized that he was not judging but rather seeing Hecate as she is. I shuddered knowing, as we do I believe, that I will play every one of the roles before this journey is won.HHHMMM?! "JOURNEY IS WON" from this one who so hates competition. well I so hate the thought of death that I find it evil. Howard Zinn and J D Salinger passed this week and Robert B. Parker last week and this week the Sunday Chronicle has a column about Herb Caen of whom I have been thinking and of how different life here was when he was here to write about it and by 'here' I mean San Francisco.
One day I was on the 3 Jackson as was Herb Caen and he was quietly flirting or assessing me. I wanted to say "Hi" but I was too shy. I was young still maybe twenty seven or so on my way to see Rick-well maybe younger because I didn't have a car so maybe 26 or so. He wasn't rude or indiscreet but i knew that he was enjoying me. God that sounds yuckie but it wasn't like that just something from my youth.
OOHH!! I don't like to write about that any more-the part about being pretty and sexually attractive but with a maligned Mars that points to "bad teeth" and facial scars,body scars,early pregnancy, early tragedy, crimes committed and although not "revealed" the payment was taken out on my body. Whooo!!?? do I want this printed? think not although this is not anything that I don't actually think but still--this is for the insides to know and to release into something so outside doesn't feel right.
On review I don't see why I can't say such things in letters-it is not as if I think like this on these things everyday but this sure is getting home with me-the devastating Mars square Saturn with Saturn square Chiron which is opposing Mars and this is all taking place, the Mars oppose Chiron. right on the ascendant/descendant axis. Definitely some karma there and don't I know it. Unending sorrow over aggressiveness in hunting down that which I love or desire. The square of both to Saturn in the fourth-once the pain of never knowing what to do or what to believe or what I am capable of.etc and of "being a quitter or what the British call the"bolter"has in old age now( I am at the dawning of the Crone stage-I welcome this. I was born to be old!!)turned to wisdom with joy found in house keeping and writing and reading and walking. Still not enough money to feel comfortable "a hen scratches the ground for food with which to feed her chicks."The degree at the fery bottom of my chart. A repeating theme and it is mine.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
01/30/2010
Okay!! It is morning and we are headed for Imbolc and I have cleaning and organizing for several days now and "remembered" how to lose weight: the point is to remember what enough food feels like for soemone who weighs 115 pounds. I had forgotten over the years of obesity just what it feels like to have enough for someone one hundred fifteen pounds. I was obese because I had to stay at the desk which I hated for the mind numbing routine involved in monthly welfare calendars-counting those pennies penny for bomb as if the ones at the bottom really were close to eating the entire cake. Neptune in the sixth at 9degrees Libra trine Sun at 4 degrees Gemini and 15 degrees Gemini in the second: addiction in service to Mordor. the horrible thing about addiction is that it crowds out all other awareness. Addiction is the faith in scarcity put into action: I will NEVER have ENOUGH!!
The correct use of that aspect is TO WRITE EVERY DAY. USE DISCIPLINE EFFECTIVELY. SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE VERY OLD SOUL. WRITING KNOWING THAT I ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH.
The secret here is to use real discipline that i did develop those 30+ years at Contra Costa County Social Services. Use this discipline now for my own writing. I will make a living with beauty. Also, i have just been ignoring this little compact blessing: this is real spiritual power much like spiritual martial arts: really alive and really conscious
The correct use of that aspect is TO WRITE EVERY DAY. USE DISCIPLINE EFFECTIVELY. SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE VERY OLD SOUL. WRITING KNOWING THAT I ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH.
The secret here is to use real discipline that i did develop those 30+ years at Contra Costa County Social Services. Use this discipline now for my own writing. I will make a living with beauty. Also, i have just been ignoring this little compact blessing: this is real spiritual power much like spiritual martial arts: really alive and really conscious
Thursday, January 28, 2010
01/28/2010
So everyone is excited today full of wonderment that the young president can talk. I am simply weary recovering from the bad weather in my soul. I am excited that we have new things to think of. I am shockingly out of milk,eggs,sweets but I am enjoying coffee and I think that I am enjoying the coffee and I just remembered my mother and her typing and I enjoyed that and the thought of the new 12"skillet and the vegan cookbook. Just turning away from the world and having a break.
What to cook today?? don't know but I do want to cook the red chard,beet chard. Maybe I will walk over to the Asian shopping center and pick up some things. That somehow reminded me of the old Berkeley Bowl and a quiet corner on the south and east side of the building with high yellow bloom
What to cook today?? don't know but I do want to cook the red chard,beet chard. Maybe I will walk over to the Asian shopping center and pick up some things. That somehow reminded me of the old Berkeley Bowl and a quiet corner on the south and east side of the building with high yellow bloom
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
01/27/2010
what a pissy mood. My right leg and hip hurt as if my right leg grew an inch or so less while I was sleeping and now when I naturally try to stretch it back to where it was there is a lot of pain involved and I limp and I take another pain pill. I know that this is not a good routine but I don't know what to do.
Buffy says that only a chiropracter will help and I am listening to her.
So I listened to my heart and sat down and "grounded" with an imagination centered in my home-not where I live now but a home in my heart, perhaps
Buffy says that only a chiropracter will help and I am listening to her.
So I listened to my heart and sat down and "grounded" with an imagination centered in my home-not where I live now but a home in my heart, perhaps
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
01/26/2010
So I guess "it" all begins: Obama releasing his plans to begin cutting at the bottom. Just like Schwarzenegger here in California oh how wonderful!! cut at the bottom!! the bottom feeders are eating all the cake!!!
i used to watch MSNBC all the time but evidently the big money boys didn't like the sort of left leaning populism that is popular just won't do and they continue to try and make a man out of Luke Russert who comes across as a spoiled baby jerk without the grit of his father. Well I imagine he is about 21 or so. Why not let him go out and get his grit like his father did. I smell too much mother here. I just hate the morning line- up nothing but Republicans. I find Chuck Todd repulsive and of course all of those unseen who like him, the little whimperer.
So now I listen more to radio retreating into the world I once felt at home in. Left-wing radio. I guess I have come to hate Obama and Pelosi. I love Boxer but evidently the big guns are out for her here in California.
More later. I have to walk to the store and I am "stov up" in my joints which is startling. I mean I have arthritis but this is something of a different order as if my legs,for instance,are not as long as they were earlier. I am limping. It seems to be all on the left side. At any rate here we go.
i used to watch MSNBC all the time but evidently the big money boys didn't like the sort of left leaning populism that is popular just won't do and they continue to try and make a man out of Luke Russert who comes across as a spoiled baby jerk without the grit of his father. Well I imagine he is about 21 or so. Why not let him go out and get his grit like his father did. I smell too much mother here. I just hate the morning line- up nothing but Republicans. I find Chuck Todd repulsive and of course all of those unseen who like him, the little whimperer.
So now I listen more to radio retreating into the world I once felt at home in. Left-wing radio. I guess I have come to hate Obama and Pelosi. I love Boxer but evidently the big guns are out for her here in California.
More later. I have to walk to the store and I am "stov up" in my joints which is startling. I mean I have arthritis but this is something of a different order as if my legs,for instance,are not as long as they were earlier. I am limping. It seems to be all on the left side. At any rate here we go.
Monday, January 25, 2010
01/25/2010
Yesterday as I was lying down for a nap I had an amazing experience that still fills me with wonder and questions: it started in my belly-button which swirled with energy as if my bellybutton had fallen asleep and the energy spread out in that swirling way all over my being. I laid there feeling a swirling sense of wonder. I was so happy. I felt like I had just won the universal lottery. I laid there and just washed away sort of feeling so free and so complete and answered and I layed there with Steve in the room and just let this whatever swirl all over me. I loved this so much,so much.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
1/24/2010
So...a most interesting time indeed. In Britain there is a move to lock the results of Dr David Kelly's autopsy for seventy years. Now one must ask WHY????? because the truth would hurt the former prime minister, Bush and Cheney and reveal that invasion of Iraq was for occupying the Mid-East because Israel can no longer hold it down? because Dr Kelly was also involved in germ warfare research?
This is public at the same time that the Supreme court reveals its teeth, as it were in the decision to rip off the barn doors and let the big money groups,read corporations, go at it. The right- wingers love to say "well unions and the ACLU can give all that they want too". Please!! compare the AFL/CIO to General Electric or the organic food movement's resources to General Foods. Yes!! I see a time of horror on the horizon. I will continue to pray and cook and garden and involve myself with my grandkids aand all of my family but I know there is a storm brewing in the collective and perhaps we need this but there is a forecast of suffering that I now feel in my bones.
Money has been so tight and today I am planning to cook chicken cacciatore again but that may turn to vegi chili which is so popular. I need to write down a recipe for this and here goes:
VEGI CHILI
*COOK A POUND OF PINK BEANS OR PINTOS OR BLACK BEANS
OR USE ABOUT FOUR CANS OF BEANS OF YOUR CHOICE-RINSED
*SAUTE AN ONION AND GREEN PEPPER AND MANY CLOVES OF GARLIC
WHEN THIS IS ALL LIMP AND COOKED LOOKING ADD:
*ONE TABLESPOON ANCHO AND NEW MEXICO AND 1 1/2 TEASPOONS PASILLA
GROUND CHILLIES. ALSO ABOUT A TEASPOON OF GARLIC POWDER (USE YOUR
DISCRETION HERE BUT I THINK THAT SPICES HAVE TO STRONG HERE)ALSO
SPRINKLE IN CUMIN AND OREGANO POWDERS GENEROUSLY AND ADD ABOUT TWO
TABLESPOONS OF BROWN SUGAR AND OF COURSE SALT ALL OF THIS TO YOUR
TASTE. ALL OF THIS FLOATS FROM TIME TO TIME SO START WITH THIS
IDEA AND ADJUST TO YOUR OWN TASTE.ALSO ADD A GOOD HANDFUL OF
CHOPPED CILANTRO
*NOW ADD A PACKAGE OF YOUR FAVORITE GROUND MEAT SUBSTITUTE AND COOK THIS THIS INTO THE SAUTE
* ADD AT LEAST TWO REGULAR CANS OF WHOLE TOMATOES-CHOOSE THE BRAND
THAT GIVES THE BEST FLAVOR. I DON'T CHOP THE TOMATOES I JUST SQUEEZE
THEM GENTLY AND THEN TEAR THEM INTO PIECES. WATCH THE DEVELOPMENT
OF THE CHILI-YOU MAY WANT TO USE A THIRD CAN OF TOMATOES.ADD SOME
WATER TO GET THE AMOUNT TO THE LEVEL YOU NEED TO FEEL YOUR FOLKS
THE WATER WILL COOK OUT AND THIS HELPS TO GET THE "CHILI TASTE"
THIS RECIPE WILL FEED FOUR VERY BIG FOLK WITH LEFTOVERS OR SIX
REGULAR FOLK BUT WITH NO LEFTOVERS
Okay I can't get this to print but will get S to help when he gets up. I always write eaarly in the morning-my only true alone time something that ironically I have always had.
Everything changed in the grocery store so the menu is: Mexican stew of pork and white beans and rice on the side with tortillas and cheese and fresh red chard that I grew which we will probably have as a salad sort of side dish,steamed and dressed with balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil and garlic and salt and pepper or we may use lemon-this is a big harvest time for lemons everywhere and we have a bowl of lemons.
This is public at the same time that the Supreme court reveals its teeth, as it were in the decision to rip off the barn doors and let the big money groups,read corporations, go at it. The right- wingers love to say "well unions and the ACLU can give all that they want too". Please!! compare the AFL/CIO to General Electric or the organic food movement's resources to General Foods. Yes!! I see a time of horror on the horizon. I will continue to pray and cook and garden and involve myself with my grandkids aand all of my family but I know there is a storm brewing in the collective and perhaps we need this but there is a forecast of suffering that I now feel in my bones.
Money has been so tight and today I am planning to cook chicken cacciatore again but that may turn to vegi chili which is so popular. I need to write down a recipe for this and here goes:
VEGI CHILI
*COOK A POUND OF PINK BEANS OR PINTOS OR BLACK BEANS
OR USE ABOUT FOUR CANS OF BEANS OF YOUR CHOICE-RINSED
*SAUTE AN ONION AND GREEN PEPPER AND MANY CLOVES OF GARLIC
WHEN THIS IS ALL LIMP AND COOKED LOOKING ADD:
*ONE TABLESPOON ANCHO AND NEW MEXICO AND 1 1/2 TEASPOONS PASILLA
GROUND CHILLIES. ALSO ABOUT A TEASPOON OF GARLIC POWDER (USE YOUR
DISCRETION HERE BUT I THINK THAT SPICES HAVE TO STRONG HERE)ALSO
SPRINKLE IN CUMIN AND OREGANO POWDERS GENEROUSLY AND ADD ABOUT TWO
TABLESPOONS OF BROWN SUGAR AND OF COURSE SALT ALL OF THIS TO YOUR
TASTE. ALL OF THIS FLOATS FROM TIME TO TIME SO START WITH THIS
IDEA AND ADJUST TO YOUR OWN TASTE.ALSO ADD A GOOD HANDFUL OF
CHOPPED CILANTRO
*NOW ADD A PACKAGE OF YOUR FAVORITE GROUND MEAT SUBSTITUTE AND COOK THIS THIS INTO THE SAUTE
* ADD AT LEAST TWO REGULAR CANS OF WHOLE TOMATOES-CHOOSE THE BRAND
THAT GIVES THE BEST FLAVOR. I DON'T CHOP THE TOMATOES I JUST SQUEEZE
THEM GENTLY AND THEN TEAR THEM INTO PIECES. WATCH THE DEVELOPMENT
OF THE CHILI-YOU MAY WANT TO USE A THIRD CAN OF TOMATOES.ADD SOME
WATER TO GET THE AMOUNT TO THE LEVEL YOU NEED TO FEEL YOUR FOLKS
THE WATER WILL COOK OUT AND THIS HELPS TO GET THE "CHILI TASTE"
THIS RECIPE WILL FEED FOUR VERY BIG FOLK WITH LEFTOVERS OR SIX
REGULAR FOLK BUT WITH NO LEFTOVERS
Okay I can't get this to print but will get S to help when he gets up. I always write eaarly in the morning-my only true alone time something that ironically I have always had.
Everything changed in the grocery store so the menu is: Mexican stew of pork and white beans and rice on the side with tortillas and cheese and fresh red chard that I grew which we will probably have as a salad sort of side dish,steamed and dressed with balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil and garlic and salt and pepper or we may use lemon-this is a big harvest time for lemons everywhere and we have a bowl of lemons.
Friday, January 22, 2010
01/22/2010
Yuck!! we have seen this coming since the royal presidency of Reagan.
The talk here about the whiners and the folk who want a Daddy to protect them. Well seems to me that this mess is caused by those who want a world without anger or hunger or need or disability so they have fallen for the fairytale of cutting all benefits to citizens who have needs such as Gypsi described. I see a society that has been on a "mean" binge which they have been led into by the very forces that gave us this disgusting Supreme Court and the forces that have made health care reform impossible.
this is an entry I started to make on Starlight News but decided not to since it is so long. I am so angry with the Supreme Court and with the decision that corporations are individuals. This is the real evil here the root of the naked fascism the Supreme court is so delighted with. Roberts court is the court of mean and it will take decades to undo this. The shit will hit the fan 2012 and then go on for a couple of decades.
Air America bites the dust. I loved that broadcasting operation but all the leftie stations I have listened to, at least the commercial stations, had pulled away from Air America due to some very weird business practices. I continue to support KPFA for the best leftie outlook and reporting and it is not owned by corporations. I continue to advise peole on the astrology sites that KPFA can easily be streamed.
The talk here about the whiners and the folk who want a Daddy to protect them. Well seems to me that this mess is caused by those who want a world without anger or hunger or need or disability so they have fallen for the fairytale of cutting all benefits to citizens who have needs such as Gypsi described. I see a society that has been on a "mean" binge which they have been led into by the very forces that gave us this disgusting Supreme Court and the forces that have made health care reform impossible.
this is an entry I started to make on Starlight News but decided not to since it is so long. I am so angry with the Supreme Court and with the decision that corporations are individuals. This is the real evil here the root of the naked fascism the Supreme court is so delighted with. Roberts court is the court of mean and it will take decades to undo this. The shit will hit the fan 2012 and then go on for a couple of decades.
Air America bites the dust. I loved that broadcasting operation but all the leftie stations I have listened to, at least the commercial stations, had pulled away from Air America due to some very weird business practices. I continue to support KPFA for the best leftie outlook and reporting and it is not owned by corporations. I continue to advise peole on the astrology sites that KPFA can easily be streamed.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
01/21/2010
HMMM-I discover via a site on Greek mythology, Theoi.com that the polecat or skunk is a familiar of Hecate. I have had a connection to skunks since the night when a pregnant skunk hid under Robert's house and sprayed. I thought hell had landed. I was staying in Robert's house during his months in bed with the brain tumor. I was weeks getting over the shock had to stay at a friend's house for a couple of days.
Since that time I have been interested in skunks. I heard her come back looking for her safe place one night and she was disappointed and I wanted to let her in but I know of no way that we can live together. I still run into skunks but what happened months later is that I heard someone rustling the leaves outside and living alone i was afraid and I creeped to the window and looked out of a corner of the curtains and there were three skunks one large and two small playing in the moon light. It seemed as if they were giggling and laughing. I was so moved by the image of the skunks playing in the moon light. Reading that they are familiars of "bright coiffed Hecate"the only one who heard Persophone's cry when she was abducted and raped by Hades, I was so touched.
Since that time I have been interested in skunks. I heard her come back looking for her safe place one night and she was disappointed and I wanted to let her in but I know of no way that we can live together. I still run into skunks but what happened months later is that I heard someone rustling the leaves outside and living alone i was afraid and I creeped to the window and looked out of a corner of the curtains and there were three skunks one large and two small playing in the moon light. It seemed as if they were giggling and laughing. I was so moved by the image of the skunks playing in the moon light. Reading that they are familiars of "bright coiffed Hecate"the only one who heard Persophone's cry when she was abducted and raped by Hades, I was so touched.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
1/20/2010
The republicans won in Massachusetts last night and Teddy Kennedy is dead and in the grave and we are here on our own and the Dems need a better game.
Here is my observations: the popular media are all right wing according to the lean of their owners. The "health care"fight is given over to the obstructionist dealings and this includes some very disgusting Dems who are financed by the medical insurance industry the Dems refuse to get the word out. Yesterday Randi Rhoades was insulting her listeners in her lovely (not)way by saying that we didn't understand that the insurance companies would pay the tax on "the Caddilac plan" well I didn't know not because I am lazy and stupid as Randi would believe. I simply had never heard that anywhere. Obama's team are all lovers of Wall St and the bankers,the Fed. the Dems seem to be unable to get their points across they are so afraid of the polls that they are paralyzed. Obaama appears weak because he is surrounded by DLC types and they have caused the Dems to lose over and over-Dems represent working people and Obama is representing the executives.
Now even more frightening to me is what the military is doing in Haiti. the airport is filled with US military flying cities but they are not helping the people nor are they allowing other flights with needed equipment and medicine to land so that people can be helped. I believe that Haiti was HAARPED that the US military are experimenting on "weather control" to be used to win the struggle as the monsters see things. Not that there are not some very wicked people wanting to hurt Americans but we must learn to ask"Why the hatred?" Still back to the unfolding horror of Haiti-the US is obstructing the relief that the rest of the world is sending to these people. I have been jumping up and down listening to Amy Goodman who is there and reporting honestly and it is clear that there is serious murderous obstruction going on and the obstruction is brought to us by the US military. This is no doubt connected to why the Navy must have their sonar working even when it kills thousands of whales and dolphins and who knows what other marine life.
What isnt being discussed anywhere I think is the silence from the White House as this travesty unfolds-nothing no word no "the President is furious at the obstructions and demands that changes be put in place." nope!! none of that instead we talk about Scott Brown winning Teddy Kennedy's seat (well not for long). How many people Haitians and visitors have died due to the US military?
Nancy predicting that Obama will face the kind of trouble he faces now for several more months until Saturn moves out of square to the US n Venus. Well Saturn and PLUTO! How did I manage to ignore Pluto? any way the doldrums will continue through august this year and then they will weaken. boy the pressure is really on and the pansy ass fancy footing trying to date the Republicans has got to end. No more Mr Niceguy let us see the wiley coyote that got him where he is and let us see Axelrod,etc getting down and getting dirty. Nothing less than our future is on the table we don't have time to deal with the likes of Mitch McConnell(?). we have to focus now on what we want to see and forget anything that isn't involved in that vision.
Perhaps all of this is futile since the military seems to act on its own. Obama needs to fire some generals and get the lowdown from generals he can trust if that is possible-I mean I heard someone say during or right after the election that the President is the 26th or 27th in line to get information. who are those ahead of him? He's working for whom?? Bush no doubt didn't give a flying f--k since he is a Skull and Bones dude like his father and he was invited to Bilderburg,etc.
More later.
Here is my observations: the popular media are all right wing according to the lean of their owners. The "health care"fight is given over to the obstructionist dealings and this includes some very disgusting Dems who are financed by the medical insurance industry the Dems refuse to get the word out. Yesterday Randi Rhoades was insulting her listeners in her lovely (not)way by saying that we didn't understand that the insurance companies would pay the tax on "the Caddilac plan" well I didn't know not because I am lazy and stupid as Randi would believe. I simply had never heard that anywhere. Obama's team are all lovers of Wall St and the bankers,the Fed. the Dems seem to be unable to get their points across they are so afraid of the polls that they are paralyzed. Obaama appears weak because he is surrounded by DLC types and they have caused the Dems to lose over and over-Dems represent working people and Obama is representing the executives.
Now even more frightening to me is what the military is doing in Haiti. the airport is filled with US military flying cities but they are not helping the people nor are they allowing other flights with needed equipment and medicine to land so that people can be helped. I believe that Haiti was HAARPED that the US military are experimenting on "weather control" to be used to win the struggle as the monsters see things. Not that there are not some very wicked people wanting to hurt Americans but we must learn to ask"Why the hatred?" Still back to the unfolding horror of Haiti-the US is obstructing the relief that the rest of the world is sending to these people. I have been jumping up and down listening to Amy Goodman who is there and reporting honestly and it is clear that there is serious murderous obstruction going on and the obstruction is brought to us by the US military. This is no doubt connected to why the Navy must have their sonar working even when it kills thousands of whales and dolphins and who knows what other marine life.
What isnt being discussed anywhere I think is the silence from the White House as this travesty unfolds-nothing no word no "the President is furious at the obstructions and demands that changes be put in place." nope!! none of that instead we talk about Scott Brown winning Teddy Kennedy's seat (well not for long). How many people Haitians and visitors have died due to the US military?
Nancy predicting that Obama will face the kind of trouble he faces now for several more months until Saturn moves out of square to the US n Venus. Well Saturn and PLUTO! How did I manage to ignore Pluto? any way the doldrums will continue through august this year and then they will weaken. boy the pressure is really on and the pansy ass fancy footing trying to date the Republicans has got to end. No more Mr Niceguy let us see the wiley coyote that got him where he is and let us see Axelrod,etc getting down and getting dirty. Nothing less than our future is on the table we don't have time to deal with the likes of Mitch McConnell(?). we have to focus now on what we want to see and forget anything that isn't involved in that vision.
Perhaps all of this is futile since the military seems to act on its own. Obama needs to fire some generals and get the lowdown from generals he can trust if that is possible-I mean I heard someone say during or right after the election that the President is the 26th or 27th in line to get information. who are those ahead of him? He's working for whom?? Bush no doubt didn't give a flying f--k since he is a Skull and Bones dude like his father and he was invited to Bilderburg,etc.
More later.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Tuesday 01/19/2010
Well depression at bay. Intense storm with thunder and sheets of rain of course it doesn't last as long as I wish-what am I wanting a flood to come ,a flood of Biblical proportions? Don't know but I do love the sound of the storm and the thunder shaking the house. I love the rain always have loved the rain.
So Chevron and Shell take over in Iraq which is what this all was about. The US entered and slaughtered the country the better to get the oil. and Afghanistan? I don't know am not informed enough to to know but I do plan to do some reading and research.
Sadly I do believe the the US intention for Haiti is to take over and turn the entire country into a factory for US interests. I watch the huge airliners land and unload and what are they bringing? Land moving equipment and soldiers. Why no sense of urgency to get water and food and medicine to those who are alive and dying for lack of water and medical attention? Could it be Naomi Klein's disaster capitalism unfolding before our eyes? I think so and I am angered and frustrated and afraid. Where will this end?
read a beautiful piece by astrologers on the age to come, the Age of Air when the entire idea of scarcity will be gone and energy and education, etc will be available to all. He said not in our lifetimes and Well here it is to be reviewed later Here is Richard Nolle’s 2010 forecast, if you haven’t read it yet:
http://www.astropro.com/forecast/predict/2010-all.html
This quote is part of his 2010 prediction:
>>But these are really sideline issues: the air sign Chronocrator series, once it gets established starting in 2020, will change the historic definition of wealth. It won’t happen in my lifetime, but new means of production ushered in during this epoch will effectively do away with scarcity as the prime denominator of wealth.
I was quite curious about this… in the “Star Wars” universe and on “Pandora” (Avatar), there is no money… which would not necessarily be a bad way to live, so I wrote Richard about this here, and got back the reply that follows:
Richard, I am probably older than you at 62, so I probably will not see this either, but I am really curious about it.
It has always seemed that with robotics and fusion/fission energy and population control, we could have quality of life, vastly reduce damage to the environment, and a real end to unemployment being an issue… people would work if they like, and not work if they like, work would be a fulling thing, but not necessarily a way to earn a living.
Is this what you are seeing?
This could certainly do away with all the right left polarization of politics… among other good things…
Please elaborate.
B.A.
Reply:
I do believe it’s something like this, Bob. And you and I are of an age – I’ll be 60 in a couple months – so when I write that it “won’t happen in my lifetime”, it’s because I see this as a multi-generational development. We’re early days into the transition, just close enough to see the faint glimmerings of a dawn. If I read this right, we are in this new air sign Chronocrator series technological revolution about at the 1804 stage of the old earth sign Chronocrator series Industrial Revolution.
____________
To me, well, I see this as very hopeful, and although I may not see it in this life, perhaps I will reincarnate into it… and you younger folks might see the beginnings of it…
Be well!Here is Richard Nolle’s 2010 forecast, if you haven’t read it yet:
http://www.astropro.com/forecast/predict/2010-all.html
This quote is part of his 2010 prediction:
>>But these are really sideline issues: the air sign Chronocrator series, once it gets established starting in 2020, will change the historic definition of wealth. It won’t happen in my lifetime, but new means of production ushered in during this epoch will effectively do away with scarcity as the prime denominator of wealth.
I was quite curious about this… in the “Star Wars” universe and on “Pandora” (Avatar), there is no money… which would not necessarily be a bad way to live, so I wrote Richard about this here, and got back the reply that follows:
Richard, I am probably older than you at 62, so I probably will not see this either, but I am really curious about it.
It has always seemed that with robotics and fusion/fission energy and population control, we could have quality of life, vastly reduce damage to the environment, and a real end to unemployment being an issue… people would work if they like, and not work if they like, work would be a fulling thing, but not necessarily a way to earn a living.
Is this what you are seeing?
This could certainly do away with all the right left polarization of politics… among other good things…
Please elaborate.
B.A.
Reply:
I do believe it’s something like this, Bob. And you and I are of an age – I’ll be 60 in a couple months – so when I write that it “won’t happen in my lifetime”, it’s because I see this as a multi-generational development. We’re early days into the transition, just close enough to see the faint glimmerings of a dawn. If I read this right, we are in this new air sign Chronocrator series technological revolution about at the 1804 stage of the old earth sign Chronocrator series Industrial Revolution.
Be well!
God I so love that piece and pray that this is what we are working toward. The other thing is that I pray we are all the anthropologists "copper colored',Margaret Mead said that at some point. In other words that all of us are considered human beings in that coming age and that animals are cherished as our journey companions-the Age of Aquarius.
Listening to Amy Goodman-the only truth on the airwaves: US government and the US media simply lie and make-up reality. Even friends believe the stories on the news channel and they do have access to better information-their dear friend Clymela constantly reminds folk of KPFA access to left leaning news.
LIGHTED A CANDLE FOR MY BELOVED LADY OF TEARS. It has been 35 years since my first consciousness of Her. In fact so long that I assumed that she was part of my youthful imagination-I was in my twenties but I felt her so clear this morning as I struggle to organize things and make room for even one more cat-one of the original sextuplets. I stopped and lit a candle and said a prayer inviting into my home. I know what I have in mind and I know that this is grounded in reality:progressed Sun in Leo in the fourth house. Pr Sun right with n.Saturn and moving to natal Moon and Pluto. I trust my vision and my delight in home at this time. Finally I ground out my response to those who judge me for being retired and home/family bound. In many ways this is the time of my life that I have been waiting for or rather working for and I am not lazy nor tacky or trashy as some who read these words say. Pooh!! on them. I say Yeah for myself and my beautiful progressed Sun. I may be plain and earthy and have all the complications of low income families but I am saying yes!! to those I love who share my blood and name and Yes!! to my understanding of what I need to do.
So Chevron and Shell take over in Iraq which is what this all was about. The US entered and slaughtered the country the better to get the oil. and Afghanistan? I don't know am not informed enough to to know but I do plan to do some reading and research.
Sadly I do believe the the US intention for Haiti is to take over and turn the entire country into a factory for US interests. I watch the huge airliners land and unload and what are they bringing? Land moving equipment and soldiers. Why no sense of urgency to get water and food and medicine to those who are alive and dying for lack of water and medical attention? Could it be Naomi Klein's disaster capitalism unfolding before our eyes? I think so and I am angered and frustrated and afraid. Where will this end?
read a beautiful piece by astrologers on the age to come, the Age of Air when the entire idea of scarcity will be gone and energy and education, etc will be available to all. He said not in our lifetimes and Well here it is to be reviewed later Here is Richard Nolle’s 2010 forecast, if you haven’t read it yet:
http://www.astropro.com/forecast/predict/2010-all.html
This quote is part of his 2010 prediction:
>>But these are really sideline issues: the air sign Chronocrator series, once it gets established starting in 2020, will change the historic definition of wealth. It won’t happen in my lifetime, but new means of production ushered in during this epoch will effectively do away with scarcity as the prime denominator of wealth.
I was quite curious about this… in the “Star Wars” universe and on “Pandora” (Avatar), there is no money… which would not necessarily be a bad way to live, so I wrote Richard about this here, and got back the reply that follows:
Richard, I am probably older than you at 62, so I probably will not see this either, but I am really curious about it.
It has always seemed that with robotics and fusion/fission energy and population control, we could have quality of life, vastly reduce damage to the environment, and a real end to unemployment being an issue… people would work if they like, and not work if they like, work would be a fulling thing, but not necessarily a way to earn a living.
Is this what you are seeing?
This could certainly do away with all the right left polarization of politics… among other good things…
Please elaborate.
B.A.
Reply:
I do believe it’s something like this, Bob. And you and I are of an age – I’ll be 60 in a couple months – so when I write that it “won’t happen in my lifetime”, it’s because I see this as a multi-generational development. We’re early days into the transition, just close enough to see the faint glimmerings of a dawn. If I read this right, we are in this new air sign Chronocrator series technological revolution about at the 1804 stage of the old earth sign Chronocrator series Industrial Revolution.
____________
To me, well, I see this as very hopeful, and although I may not see it in this life, perhaps I will reincarnate into it… and you younger folks might see the beginnings of it…
Be well!Here is Richard Nolle’s 2010 forecast, if you haven’t read it yet:
http://www.astropro.com/forecast/predict/2010-all.html
This quote is part of his 2010 prediction:
>>But these are really sideline issues: the air sign Chronocrator series, once it gets established starting in 2020, will change the historic definition of wealth. It won’t happen in my lifetime, but new means of production ushered in during this epoch will effectively do away with scarcity as the prime denominator of wealth.
I was quite curious about this… in the “Star Wars” universe and on “Pandora” (Avatar), there is no money… which would not necessarily be a bad way to live, so I wrote Richard about this here, and got back the reply that follows:
Richard, I am probably older than you at 62, so I probably will not see this either, but I am really curious about it.
It has always seemed that with robotics and fusion/fission energy and population control, we could have quality of life, vastly reduce damage to the environment, and a real end to unemployment being an issue… people would work if they like, and not work if they like, work would be a fulling thing, but not necessarily a way to earn a living.
Is this what you are seeing?
This could certainly do away with all the right left polarization of politics… among other good things…
Please elaborate.
B.A.
Reply:
I do believe it’s something like this, Bob. And you and I are of an age – I’ll be 60 in a couple months – so when I write that it “won’t happen in my lifetime”, it’s because I see this as a multi-generational development. We’re early days into the transition, just close enough to see the faint glimmerings of a dawn. If I read this right, we are in this new air sign Chronocrator series technological revolution about at the 1804 stage of the old earth sign Chronocrator series Industrial Revolution.
Be well!
God I so love that piece and pray that this is what we are working toward. The other thing is that I pray we are all the anthropologists "copper colored',Margaret Mead said that at some point. In other words that all of us are considered human beings in that coming age and that animals are cherished as our journey companions-the Age of Aquarius.
Listening to Amy Goodman-the only truth on the airwaves: US government and the US media simply lie and make-up reality. Even friends believe the stories on the news channel and they do have access to better information-their dear friend Clymela constantly reminds folk of KPFA access to left leaning news.
LIGHTED A CANDLE FOR MY BELOVED LADY OF TEARS. It has been 35 years since my first consciousness of Her. In fact so long that I assumed that she was part of my youthful imagination-I was in my twenties but I felt her so clear this morning as I struggle to organize things and make room for even one more cat-one of the original sextuplets. I stopped and lit a candle and said a prayer inviting into my home. I know what I have in mind and I know that this is grounded in reality:progressed Sun in Leo in the fourth house. Pr Sun right with n.Saturn and moving to natal Moon and Pluto. I trust my vision and my delight in home at this time. Finally I ground out my response to those who judge me for being retired and home/family bound. In many ways this is the time of my life that I have been waiting for or rather working for and I am not lazy nor tacky or trashy as some who read these words say. Pooh!! on them. I say Yeah for myself and my beautiful progressed Sun. I may be plain and earthy and have all the complications of low income families but I am saying yes!! to those I love who share my blood and name and Yes!! to my understanding of what I need to do.
Monday, January 18, 2010
01/18/2010
Offering from Natural News NaturalNews Tip of the day (from Mike):
Feel flu symptoms coming on? This can help: Take high-dose vitamin C (4,000 mg), zinc, vitamin D and a healthy serving of medicinal herbal tinctures such as black elderberry or astragalus. Go right to bed and allow yourself as much sleep as you need (even 10 - 12 hours). This can often stop the flu right in its tracks.
Got up from my depression and started cleaning and begging for help and got the help got things organized and now I don't feel so depressed. In fact I am remembering how much I love rainy days in an El Nino winter. There is a flood right now I mean the water is coming down furiously. I am praying that the solitary men i know from our walks the men who just want to be left alone well I am praying that they all have dry places today-this is no day for humans or cats in fact all gods children need a dry place today.
Guess MSNBC is doing something regarding Rev. King but not on those first hours of the day. Had to laugh, the kid from CSPAN who is now an executive at MSNBC, Chuck Todd is such a dweeb, he had his logs all out so that we could see how it is that he knows that Brown will win over Coakly still I stay with Nancy saying she wins. Hopefully Obama's help and the Democratic machine will pull her through. The importance of this to Democrats is that magical sixty votes which would be unnecessary if the Dems got rid of the filibuster. Well the bigger problem is the IMF and World Bank and whoever is really running this country not the smiling Obama who is the sweet,smiling face of the US government that murdered King rather than allow him to stay working.
Well I am just an angry woman with retrograde Mars traversing my home life.
Feel flu symptoms coming on? This can help: Take high-dose vitamin C (4,000 mg), zinc, vitamin D and a healthy serving of medicinal herbal tinctures such as black elderberry or astragalus. Go right to bed and allow yourself as much sleep as you need (even 10 - 12 hours). This can often stop the flu right in its tracks.
Got up from my depression and started cleaning and begging for help and got the help got things organized and now I don't feel so depressed. In fact I am remembering how much I love rainy days in an El Nino winter. There is a flood right now I mean the water is coming down furiously. I am praying that the solitary men i know from our walks the men who just want to be left alone well I am praying that they all have dry places today-this is no day for humans or cats in fact all gods children need a dry place today.
Guess MSNBC is doing something regarding Rev. King but not on those first hours of the day. Had to laugh, the kid from CSPAN who is now an executive at MSNBC, Chuck Todd is such a dweeb, he had his logs all out so that we could see how it is that he knows that Brown will win over Coakly still I stay with Nancy saying she wins. Hopefully Obama's help and the Democratic machine will pull her through. The importance of this to Democrats is that magical sixty votes which would be unnecessary if the Dems got rid of the filibuster. Well the bigger problem is the IMF and World Bank and whoever is really running this country not the smiling Obama who is the sweet,smiling face of the US government that murdered King rather than allow him to stay working.
Well I am just an angry woman with retrograde Mars traversing my home life.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
1/17/10
Sunday morning. Found the three young cats sleeping together on a grocery bag as they did when they were still kittens. They are five months old now. They are healthy and beautiful and more expensive than realized, the keeping them in food and litter. Next month they go to the doctor for shots but the neutering will not happen until they are nine months old. I wish there was some way I could explain to them what is going to happen. They are so trusting and secure and the neutering will be a huge shock. Perhaps we should be rougher and then they would expect the worst. JUST KIDDING!! would never hurt these little fellows.
The white one which I named Mercy was the only girl in the batch. When they were little I thought that they were all girls but the maleness was confirmed in Hunter and Bootz (who has no boots). Thursday I was sitting here at the keyboard watching Mercy have her bath and witnessed the telltale pink wiggle soooo now we have three young male kittens in high good health and looking like cats not kittens.
The chicken was excellent. I used sherry since I had no wine for drinking and the sherry worked very well.
Our mission to FoodMax (not Food 4 Less) was successful on many levels but there were no huge bottles of Crystal hot sauce not large bottles of PicoPica. The store caters to the Spanish speaking community so it is very easy to get the items needed to keep up the Mexican side of our cooking. Piles and piles of the vegetables such as chilies and tomatillos and cilantro and plantains and bananas of all sizes and for different purposes. Tortillas, the really good ones by Guerrero are half the cost of Safeway. And a huge selection of the Mexican style cheeses the ones that make all the difference in Mexican recipes.
the little cat Hunter is up here with me as I type. He loves the cursor and tries to figure out what it is. No way to explain to him that it is not real that it is just an image. I stopped for a minute and he is just sitting waiting for this thing to start moving again.
The white one which I named Mercy was the only girl in the batch. When they were little I thought that they were all girls but the maleness was confirmed in Hunter and Bootz (who has no boots). Thursday I was sitting here at the keyboard watching Mercy have her bath and witnessed the telltale pink wiggle soooo now we have three young male kittens in high good health and looking like cats not kittens.
The chicken was excellent. I used sherry since I had no wine for drinking and the sherry worked very well.
Our mission to FoodMax (not Food 4 Less) was successful on many levels but there were no huge bottles of Crystal hot sauce not large bottles of PicoPica. The store caters to the Spanish speaking community so it is very easy to get the items needed to keep up the Mexican side of our cooking. Piles and piles of the vegetables such as chilies and tomatillos and cilantro and plantains and bananas of all sizes and for different purposes. Tortillas, the really good ones by Guerrero are half the cost of Safeway. And a huge selection of the Mexican style cheeses the ones that make all the difference in Mexican recipes.
the little cat Hunter is up here with me as I type. He loves the cursor and tries to figure out what it is. No way to explain to him that it is not real that it is just an image. I stopped for a minute and he is just sitting waiting for this thing to start moving again.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
1/16/2010
Still love writing out 2010 even though this year is having trouble getting started at least here in our household.
Mars retrograde traveling through Leo roughly opposing everything. the picture i have in mind is all the planets up in Capricorn/Aquarius/Pisces and Mars down in Leo. Definitely stirring up the kids in my life and then stirring up the foundation the home itself.
C's school starts in a week-a wonderful program to get the ones who didn't get through high school back into school and into college. I am so excited for her and worried since the boyfriend will be there and he is VERY disturbed over the break-up. He is gorgeous and very bright-A student until his mid-junior year and then blap everything turns to crap. I asked him what happened and he didn't ever really answer that. I mean this is an A/B student in math and sciences and language and he just quit. I don't know what the problem is/was.
C has found many openings advertised in shop windows. Told her to offer part-time help,steady but no more than 5/6 hours a day. she is a good worker-I have seen her work. I know that the program she is enrolled in offers bus passes and some other forms of financial assistance.
S begins his last semester at State. The cut-backs have really hurt his department-his mentor doesn't even have any classes scheduled although he is teaching at Hayward and another school. He has asked S. to run the resource center which S will gladly. This will look good on the books for graduate school,etc.
Looks like S's mentor is returning to school to get the doctorate needed now to be competitive. S needs the masters or teaching cert.
I am so amazed with S. right now one of his client's is a PhD candidate for medical anthropology who is all pretentious and and rigid in that UC graduate student way and S just smoothly glides along showing her that not only can he edit her work he understands and is not intimidated. I sure remember why I love him so-smart really smart and modest.
This is the week of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. I know devastating is a cliche this week,used over and over but what can one say about a leveling of entire cities killing tens of thousands on one island. Obama has responded accurately, I think but I pray that this is not simply corporations acting with rapidity to get in there and turn Haiti in to one huge factory.
One thing that has crossed my mind as the images are floated through to us than these people starved by the horrible governments who take all the wealth and leave nothing, nothing for those who generate the wealth. At any rate everyone there is so thin, bone thin and this is what the fasionistas want for all of us that we be so thin we appear to be refugees.
Hopefully the world will awaken now to the plight of the Haitians and there will be a change of heart toward them. Well probably not-look at what the money boys continue to pull in Venezuela,Bolivia,Honduras. My last supervisor was born in El Salvador and came here through her church to escape the wars in El Salvador and Hondurus and she told me stories and even gave us a bottle of wine celebrating the 10th anniversary of the success of their refusal to accept fascist rule. She said that one of her brothers was imprisoned in a concentration camp for two years and many family members were killed. They have prospered here-highly educated folk.
This past two years have been hard on her family. Her brilliant daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkins and her husband was laid off by UC-he did some technical work at the weapons lab (yes I get the irony here) and they had just contracted to remodel their kitchen which ended up costing a small fortune due to some destructive elements discovered when walls came down.
S. finally received some pay from the state. Whoopee!! so nice to have canisters full of rice and beans and baskets of onions and citrus and garlic and a bottle of extra virgin olive oil and packages of pasta. today i am making chicken caccitore-smple and very affordable-chicken has been on sale for the first time in months.
Thursday I was in Safeway and encountered the manager and workers in an absolute flurry to get the posted costs increased- some hugely such as moving one item from $2 something to over $3. It seemed to me that everything was just going so high and the tiny manager was so ruffled and so trying to get everything done before all the customers showed up I guess. I was disturbed and I wonder how bad the inflation is going to get. And how long the government can continue saying that there is no inflation.
Mostly I cook vegetarian now with some meat usually ground beef/turkey for S. and B. to eat in tacos or burritos. And I bake bread and treats for everyone but this will stop now since the holiday season is over and none too soon for me. I had a very frightening experience of binge eating again and I don't want to go back down that road. I am so grateful to be grounded in my own physical being so that overeating feels ugly and for me, dangerous. I have gotten here through ,I believe ,gardening, walking, slow cooking, meditation and prayer. This is a return to self after a long dark period. Yesterday I received another screeching diatribe from a woman who was once my best friend. I was so startled and once again so hurt: this cruel woman uses her deep intimate knowledge of me to attack me in her drunken isolation. She has a daughter and a son. The daughter is very successful the son not so much. This woman is convinced that her daughter is successful due only to my ex-friends mothering. She fails to mention how deeply injured her son was in gestation by his mother's alcohol intake nor does she mention how injured he may have been by the years of her drinking and running from the landlords,etc.. I loved her even knowing her shadow as I did because I thought that we shared a Pluto connection-we both have Leo moons with a close Pluto connection and we are both bad news in our own ways. I loved and learned through that relationship to love myself even though in so many ways I am exactly what this world hates in women. She now hates me and uses her knowledge of me drawn from years of intimacy to hurt and wound me. Well that is how she winds up alone,very alone even though she is afraid to admit this. I am not alone and not because my grand daughter is here but because I have friends who seek out my company and love the food I cook and love the conversations in this house.
Well the diatribe was my experience of the eclipse. Well that and S.'s pay from the State finally. weird. Well the "old friend" I was just discussing had the eclipse oppose her Saturn and the retrograde Mars on her Sun then Pluto then Moon in the 7th-ass kicking time if she doesn't watch out( no that is not a threat of physical violence from me just a little heads up that now is the time to be awake and responsible). No time for her to be drinking to the point of blackouts and definitely no time to clean other people's windows.
Well we are off to find the largest bottle of Crystal hot sauce offered. Hoping to find it at Food 4 Less. also looking for a large bottle of PicoPica sauce good ,hot Mexican hot sauce in a bottle-not salsa which I make myself.
Mars retrograde traveling through Leo roughly opposing everything. the picture i have in mind is all the planets up in Capricorn/Aquarius/Pisces and Mars down in Leo. Definitely stirring up the kids in my life and then stirring up the foundation the home itself.
C's school starts in a week-a wonderful program to get the ones who didn't get through high school back into school and into college. I am so excited for her and worried since the boyfriend will be there and he is VERY disturbed over the break-up. He is gorgeous and very bright-A student until his mid-junior year and then blap everything turns to crap. I asked him what happened and he didn't ever really answer that. I mean this is an A/B student in math and sciences and language and he just quit. I don't know what the problem is/was.
C has found many openings advertised in shop windows. Told her to offer part-time help,steady but no more than 5/6 hours a day. she is a good worker-I have seen her work. I know that the program she is enrolled in offers bus passes and some other forms of financial assistance.
S begins his last semester at State. The cut-backs have really hurt his department-his mentor doesn't even have any classes scheduled although he is teaching at Hayward and another school. He has asked S. to run the resource center which S will gladly. This will look good on the books for graduate school,etc.
Looks like S's mentor is returning to school to get the doctorate needed now to be competitive. S needs the masters or teaching cert.
I am so amazed with S. right now one of his client's is a PhD candidate for medical anthropology who is all pretentious and and rigid in that UC graduate student way and S just smoothly glides along showing her that not only can he edit her work he understands and is not intimidated. I sure remember why I love him so-smart really smart and modest.
This is the week of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. I know devastating is a cliche this week,used over and over but what can one say about a leveling of entire cities killing tens of thousands on one island. Obama has responded accurately, I think but I pray that this is not simply corporations acting with rapidity to get in there and turn Haiti in to one huge factory.
One thing that has crossed my mind as the images are floated through to us than these people starved by the horrible governments who take all the wealth and leave nothing, nothing for those who generate the wealth. At any rate everyone there is so thin, bone thin and this is what the fasionistas want for all of us that we be so thin we appear to be refugees.
Hopefully the world will awaken now to the plight of the Haitians and there will be a change of heart toward them. Well probably not-look at what the money boys continue to pull in Venezuela,Bolivia,Honduras. My last supervisor was born in El Salvador and came here through her church to escape the wars in El Salvador and Hondurus and she told me stories and even gave us a bottle of wine celebrating the 10th anniversary of the success of their refusal to accept fascist rule. She said that one of her brothers was imprisoned in a concentration camp for two years and many family members were killed. They have prospered here-highly educated folk.
This past two years have been hard on her family. Her brilliant daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkins and her husband was laid off by UC-he did some technical work at the weapons lab (yes I get the irony here) and they had just contracted to remodel their kitchen which ended up costing a small fortune due to some destructive elements discovered when walls came down.
S. finally received some pay from the state. Whoopee!! so nice to have canisters full of rice and beans and baskets of onions and citrus and garlic and a bottle of extra virgin olive oil and packages of pasta. today i am making chicken caccitore-smple and very affordable-chicken has been on sale for the first time in months.
Thursday I was in Safeway and encountered the manager and workers in an absolute flurry to get the posted costs increased- some hugely such as moving one item from $2 something to over $3. It seemed to me that everything was just going so high and the tiny manager was so ruffled and so trying to get everything done before all the customers showed up I guess. I was disturbed and I wonder how bad the inflation is going to get. And how long the government can continue saying that there is no inflation.
Mostly I cook vegetarian now with some meat usually ground beef/turkey for S. and B. to eat in tacos or burritos. And I bake bread and treats for everyone but this will stop now since the holiday season is over and none too soon for me. I had a very frightening experience of binge eating again and I don't want to go back down that road. I am so grateful to be grounded in my own physical being so that overeating feels ugly and for me, dangerous. I have gotten here through ,I believe ,gardening, walking, slow cooking, meditation and prayer. This is a return to self after a long dark period. Yesterday I received another screeching diatribe from a woman who was once my best friend. I was so startled and once again so hurt: this cruel woman uses her deep intimate knowledge of me to attack me in her drunken isolation. She has a daughter and a son. The daughter is very successful the son not so much. This woman is convinced that her daughter is successful due only to my ex-friends mothering. She fails to mention how deeply injured her son was in gestation by his mother's alcohol intake nor does she mention how injured he may have been by the years of her drinking and running from the landlords,etc.. I loved her even knowing her shadow as I did because I thought that we shared a Pluto connection-we both have Leo moons with a close Pluto connection and we are both bad news in our own ways. I loved and learned through that relationship to love myself even though in so many ways I am exactly what this world hates in women. She now hates me and uses her knowledge of me drawn from years of intimacy to hurt and wound me. Well that is how she winds up alone,very alone even though she is afraid to admit this. I am not alone and not because my grand daughter is here but because I have friends who seek out my company and love the food I cook and love the conversations in this house.
Well the diatribe was my experience of the eclipse. Well that and S.'s pay from the State finally. weird. Well the "old friend" I was just discussing had the eclipse oppose her Saturn and the retrograde Mars on her Sun then Pluto then Moon in the 7th-ass kicking time if she doesn't watch out( no that is not a threat of physical violence from me just a little heads up that now is the time to be awake and responsible). No time for her to be drinking to the point of blackouts and definitely no time to clean other people's windows.
Well we are off to find the largest bottle of Crystal hot sauce offered. Hoping to find it at Food 4 Less. also looking for a large bottle of PicoPica sauce good ,hot Mexican hot sauce in a bottle-not salsa which I make myself.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
01/14/2010
this is something i posted on Starlight News in response to adults bemoaning the fact that our children have gone to the dogs dragging us and our civilization with them:
When I was young the thoughts of the adults expressed as they are here were that we were lazy and spoiled and stupid. As my sweetheart says our parents were always talking about how they walked 30 miles uphill in snow to get to school and then walked 30 miles uphill in deeper snow to get home to eat their unsweetened cornbread and turnips.
I know that my grandchildren certainly fill their time in ways I do not like but I also know that these children are light years beyond me, or, rather where I was when young, in understanding human nature and relationships. In our family there is not an emphasis on science,etc and frankly I am grateful that we are more on the creative side of things.
I have a friend whose brilliant granddaughter was one of the scientists that we sent to kill the rats on an Aleutian island-brilliant young scientists. Well read reports of the follow-up on that little experiment. Turns out that killing the rats created more problems than existed with the rat over- population.
This is by way of saying that these young people belong to their age and they will step up in the ways that their times demand of them. Worshiping the Pluto in Cancer group is all well and good but I salute the sun every morning and the young are about that sun rising every day. I love them and I give thanks for them because I am getting too old to create the future. These young ones are not frittering their lives away no matter how it might appear from the distance.
Well I was happy to stand up for these young ones who are so sophisticated about relationships and interactions and especially about the diversity of the planet. I do remember my elders being in a state of despair over the hippies and the anti-war types of which I was both.
When I was young the thoughts of the adults expressed as they are here were that we were lazy and spoiled and stupid. As my sweetheart says our parents were always talking about how they walked 30 miles uphill in snow to get to school and then walked 30 miles uphill in deeper snow to get home to eat their unsweetened cornbread and turnips.
I know that my grandchildren certainly fill their time in ways I do not like but I also know that these children are light years beyond me, or, rather where I was when young, in understanding human nature and relationships. In our family there is not an emphasis on science,etc and frankly I am grateful that we are more on the creative side of things.
I have a friend whose brilliant granddaughter was one of the scientists that we sent to kill the rats on an Aleutian island-brilliant young scientists. Well read reports of the follow-up on that little experiment. Turns out that killing the rats created more problems than existed with the rat over- population.
This is by way of saying that these young people belong to their age and they will step up in the ways that their times demand of them. Worshiping the Pluto in Cancer group is all well and good but I salute the sun every morning and the young are about that sun rising every day. I love them and I give thanks for them because I am getting too old to create the future. These young ones are not frittering their lives away no matter how it might appear from the distance.
Well I was happy to stand up for these young ones who are so sophisticated about relationships and interactions and especially about the diversity of the planet. I do remember my elders being in a state of despair over the hippies and the anti-war types of which I was both.
Monday, January 11, 2010
01/11/2010
01//11/2010
Up early again. Yesterday was one of sleeping in until the sun was already up and peace between Steve and I even with our grim financial situation.
I Ifelt so anxious wanting to express myself this morning because I woke up to Joe Scarborough with all his right-wing screed throwing an absolute fit that Harry Reid is now finished in politics because he was quoted as saying that America could now accept an African American in Obama because he is light skinned and doesn't have a southern accent though he did say something like he doesn't speak with a Negro dialect. Well every white person understands what he was pointing out even if trash like Scarborough pretend that this was racist and shocking, I tell you, shocking.
Well anyway I just got so anxious and then I realized that I just want to write and not in the narrow way of responding to the thoughts of others as expressed in the blogs I like- Astroworld and Starlight Express. So I pulled out my trusty blank piece of paper from TEXT Edit and started writing for my space in Blogger.
I am listening to MSNBC's new right-wing morning show-stupid and pointless. That little worm from C-SPAN, Chuck Todd, is the leader because he is now an Executive with NBC. I am disgusted by the use of MSNBC to get more Republicans elected. The entire approach is to denigrate Democrats with any gossip that can be stirred up. there is a disgusting little book out by editors for TIME and a paper which quotes seemingly devastating things Democrats said whithout even really trying to quote Republicans.
Hilariously the name of the new program is the Daily Rundown implying that it is a review of the political situation in DC but I also hear this as "The Daily Rundown of Democrats.
The fact is that Democrats are exceedingly corrupt and even turn my stomach but good god in heaven they have had to work in the Republican world that started with Reagan and none of this is ever acknowledged on these early morning programs. I guess the intent is to show that only right-wingers rise early and go to work.
Well here is another bitch I have been eating, bingeing since I awakened at around 5AM . bingeing on my own delicious bread and cookies. I was on fire yesterday and made the most wonderful sandwich rolls and cranberry cookies and short ribs. Delicious I tell you delicious but good god this morning I have had one roll dipped in the gravy of the short ribs and about five cookies this is dangerous for a diabetic. I have been eating as if I were a 12 year old boy just home form riding my bike and playing ball with my friends.
Okay so I just went in and took my morning meds which should help get the blood sugar down and started reminding myself that I have eaten, eaten a lot and I am full. I wonder what creates the condition for this type of binging. Was it the food I ate yesterday, the anxiety of having no cash and having to beg or perhaps all of these factors? What ever the causes I find this so very frightening but I will consider this a short relapse into old behaviors that led to me weighing over 200 pounds. I have started losing and intend to continue. The biggest factor I think was the indiscriminate eating over the holidays and especially yesterday. this is a reminder that I have a serious eating problem and I cannot play around as If I am a thin active woman who forgets to eat.
I wanted to go back to OA but in examining OA through the internet I find that I cannot take that route anymore. I cannot focus on my eating or consider it like alcoholism and perhaps it is but I just can not take that midwest Protestant attitude anymore. I have left that station and I will not be returning.
Okay someone on MSNBC is presenting the words of Trent Lott in support of a racist senator who ran on a segregationist platform in 1948. Lott said that we wouldn't have all these problems if we had elected Strom Thurmond then. To my mind what Reid said was racial but not racist while Lott's statement was plain old racism of the barest, most naked sort.
NBC and the other media outlets are disgusting in their support of only right-wing solutions
Up early again. Yesterday was one of sleeping in until the sun was already up and peace between Steve and I even with our grim financial situation.
I Ifelt so anxious wanting to express myself this morning because I woke up to Joe Scarborough with all his right-wing screed throwing an absolute fit that Harry Reid is now finished in politics because he was quoted as saying that America could now accept an African American in Obama because he is light skinned and doesn't have a southern accent though he did say something like he doesn't speak with a Negro dialect. Well every white person understands what he was pointing out even if trash like Scarborough pretend that this was racist and shocking, I tell you, shocking.
Well anyway I just got so anxious and then I realized that I just want to write and not in the narrow way of responding to the thoughts of others as expressed in the blogs I like- Astroworld and Starlight Express. So I pulled out my trusty blank piece of paper from TEXT Edit and started writing for my space in Blogger.
I am listening to MSNBC's new right-wing morning show-stupid and pointless. That little worm from C-SPAN, Chuck Todd, is the leader because he is now an Executive with NBC. I am disgusted by the use of MSNBC to get more Republicans elected. The entire approach is to denigrate Democrats with any gossip that can be stirred up. there is a disgusting little book out by editors for TIME and a paper which quotes seemingly devastating things Democrats said whithout even really trying to quote Republicans.
Hilariously the name of the new program is the Daily Rundown implying that it is a review of the political situation in DC but I also hear this as "The Daily Rundown of Democrats.
The fact is that Democrats are exceedingly corrupt and even turn my stomach but good god in heaven they have had to work in the Republican world that started with Reagan and none of this is ever acknowledged on these early morning programs. I guess the intent is to show that only right-wingers rise early and go to work.
Well here is another bitch I have been eating, bingeing since I awakened at around 5AM . bingeing on my own delicious bread and cookies. I was on fire yesterday and made the most wonderful sandwich rolls and cranberry cookies and short ribs. Delicious I tell you delicious but good god this morning I have had one roll dipped in the gravy of the short ribs and about five cookies this is dangerous for a diabetic. I have been eating as if I were a 12 year old boy just home form riding my bike and playing ball with my friends.
Okay so I just went in and took my morning meds which should help get the blood sugar down and started reminding myself that I have eaten, eaten a lot and I am full. I wonder what creates the condition for this type of binging. Was it the food I ate yesterday, the anxiety of having no cash and having to beg or perhaps all of these factors? What ever the causes I find this so very frightening but I will consider this a short relapse into old behaviors that led to me weighing over 200 pounds. I have started losing and intend to continue. The biggest factor I think was the indiscriminate eating over the holidays and especially yesterday. this is a reminder that I have a serious eating problem and I cannot play around as If I am a thin active woman who forgets to eat.
I wanted to go back to OA but in examining OA through the internet I find that I cannot take that route anymore. I cannot focus on my eating or consider it like alcoholism and perhaps it is but I just can not take that midwest Protestant attitude anymore. I have left that station and I will not be returning.
Okay someone on MSNBC is presenting the words of Trent Lott in support of a racist senator who ran on a segregationist platform in 1948. Lott said that we wouldn't have all these problems if we had elected Strom Thurmond then. To my mind what Reid said was racial but not racist while Lott's statement was plain old racism of the barest, most naked sort.
NBC and the other media outlets are disgusting in their support of only right-wing solutions
Sunday, January 10, 2010
01/10/10
Well something within me has shifted and I find myself supporting Obama rather than criticizing him for this ridiculous health care debacle. The Republicans are out with the long knives and I personally find it insane that the Lefties are criticizing and threatening to leave the game and publishing all the info about his awful compromises. I know he talked to us and promises so much in that slogan"change we can believe in"and the promises to stop torture and close Guantanamo. I personally am sick about the expansion of the wars in Yemen and Afghanistan and Pakistan about the killing of civilians and the attacks by the robot planes. What we are doing and have done in Iraq and on throughout the region will never be forgiven and frankly I don't think we will ever win by driving folk back into the tribal world.
I had a wonderful dream of becoming involved with a beggar child much like a beggar of Charles Dickens world
I had a wonderful dream of becoming involved with a beggar child much like a beggar of Charles Dickens world
Friday, January 8, 2010
1/8/10
A court day to stand with B.as she stands with her son who has been jailed for serious offenses although as his first attorney said in the end it all boils down to a domestic violence case but this poor mother's son has been in jail for over six years and is obviously mentally unstable. This is something that bothers me so that now we no longer have mental hospitals we treat mental illness as a crime if there is any violence involved.
I just am amazed at how the poor and the "colored" make up the bulk of people going through the legal system. I can hear the hard hearted shrugging saying of course they are the lazy, the unproductive the ones who cause all the trouble with their violence,their drugs,etc.
Oh jesus another fighter jet scene accompanying a flight home. total over reaction to an unruly passenger. As if someone planning on bombing the plane will act out and lock himself in the bathroom as if nothing will happen. this is such a comedy of dark,dark humor.
So Schwarzenegger is pulling into the station of his last months as governor by slashing as much as possible from the benefits to those on the absolute bottom. I search my heart but I cannot find an compassion for this man. How hateful,how disgusting as he stands before the cameras saying "I refuse to raise any taxes" and so of course he heads for children's programs and the IHSS program. He is truly monstrous and of course I never, ever liked him not as an actor maybe a little bit in that early work "Pumping Iron"(at least I think that was the name) but as soon as I caught wind of his pirate instincts I was turned off and his movies were of course never anything I would have considered.
I wonder how Maria Shriver can stomach him. I have compassion for her, that child of privilege so protected and even ghettoized in her way, that he was the most exciting man she had ever encountered. Oh god she chose Arnold Schwarzenegger to avoid the preppy types of her class. That is pitiful but then perhaps she is profoundly cold having always been part of the ruling classes and the good sex was enough perhaps she just didn't expect anything else. And Ms Judgmental maybe you don't know her or her husband and this is really your fantasy-soooo- drop it, dear heart
We are broke again-Schwarzenegger again furloughing employees so that those of us ,"the little guys"are forced to eat shit when the oppressed workers are unable to keep up. Consequently UIB, SDI, "independent contractors"like Steve are not getting paid. My SSA and pension can halfway support everyone and Buffy's SSi/SSP helps (she contributes $500) but she "loses" her money left over and so is never any help when we are pinched and we have to dig around to find the bucks to buy her smokes-no hope of leaving to her own devices she makes life hell on earth once the withdrawal really sets in.
Off to start dinner. A called to say she is sending arvin over because their foodstamps are not yet approved through no fault of hers this time.
I just am amazed at how the poor and the "colored" make up the bulk of people going through the legal system. I can hear the hard hearted shrugging saying of course they are the lazy, the unproductive the ones who cause all the trouble with their violence,their drugs,etc.
Oh jesus another fighter jet scene accompanying a flight home. total over reaction to an unruly passenger. As if someone planning on bombing the plane will act out and lock himself in the bathroom as if nothing will happen. this is such a comedy of dark,dark humor.
So Schwarzenegger is pulling into the station of his last months as governor by slashing as much as possible from the benefits to those on the absolute bottom. I search my heart but I cannot find an compassion for this man. How hateful,how disgusting as he stands before the cameras saying "I refuse to raise any taxes" and so of course he heads for children's programs and the IHSS program. He is truly monstrous and of course I never, ever liked him not as an actor maybe a little bit in that early work "Pumping Iron"(at least I think that was the name) but as soon as I caught wind of his pirate instincts I was turned off and his movies were of course never anything I would have considered.
I wonder how Maria Shriver can stomach him. I have compassion for her, that child of privilege so protected and even ghettoized in her way, that he was the most exciting man she had ever encountered. Oh god she chose Arnold Schwarzenegger to avoid the preppy types of her class. That is pitiful but then perhaps she is profoundly cold having always been part of the ruling classes and the good sex was enough perhaps she just didn't expect anything else. And Ms Judgmental maybe you don't know her or her husband and this is really your fantasy-soooo- drop it, dear heart
We are broke again-Schwarzenegger again furloughing employees so that those of us ,"the little guys"are forced to eat shit when the oppressed workers are unable to keep up. Consequently UIB, SDI, "independent contractors"like Steve are not getting paid. My SSA and pension can halfway support everyone and Buffy's SSi/SSP helps (she contributes $500) but she "loses" her money left over and so is never any help when we are pinched and we have to dig around to find the bucks to buy her smokes-no hope of leaving to her own devices she makes life hell on earth once the withdrawal really sets in.
Off to start dinner. A called to say she is sending arvin over because their foodstamps are not yet approved through no fault of hers this time.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
1/7/2010
Still love writing out the new year date-2010. 2009 was hard even though I did have the pleasure of retiring to which I am still adjusting.
I awaken early in order to write and pray and just plain have my alone time. I still love to have a rosary available even though the version imprinted is the Christian/RC version.
I want to develop another rosary for my self that is not so fatherly focused. I am the daughter of the mother and I am not comforted by thoughts of and prayers to the Father. I imagine this is because I have experienced the fathers in my life as saying no and not caring about me whereas the mothers said yes more often after listening to me. I think of the earth as mother's land. I even grew up in the mother's house on the mother's land. My grandfather built the house and developed the land but it came from my grandmother's dowry. God I would love to know the story of the building of that house but when I was there I was too young to question any of the origins. Truth be told I envied my friends who had more modern, larger houses with copper chandeliers and red bathtubs and cedar lined closets. I was incapable of of the inner connection that would lead me to ask the questions I would ask now and of course now at age 62 my elders are all gone and I know of no way to unearth this family history.
Schwarzenegger on the TV about the health care bill. I don't believe anything the man says. He has created the bulk of the mess here in order to call a constitutional convention and get rid of California's ridiculous major majority needed to get a budget through and to continue to protect businesses from paying their fair share of taxes. I also believe that he is part of the extreme right wing that wants the "people" to believe that government is incapable of acting efficiently and reasonably. I think that little plan is falling apart with the information of the "doing business"costs of the big insurance companies. Their over head is between 20-30% while government overhead runs around 3%-hmmmn
Also I think people do realize that this trouble is brought to us by the neo-liberal fucks such as Clinton,Emmanuel with their wonderful ideas of free trade,etc that totally screws those of us who work for a living. No detail here but their policies have bankrupted Mexico and sent a wave of Mexicans up here looking for work and now the "Masters of the Universe" have flooded Mexico with drugs and arranged a major depression here and around the world.
All I know for sure is that the Clinton's are now worth hundreds of millions while screwing the rest of us and Hillary is Secretary of State making sure that our wars are waged efficiently.
Listened to Alan Narn(?) yesterday with Amy Goodman and now have my readical head screwed on again but I know that there is no where to take this. I am certainly too old to believe in overthrow of the government-too old indeed when here in California people would rather build prisons than universities and even though the prison population grows it seems that voters just want vengence and want drug infractions treated as felonies.
Back to the kitchen to clean and freshen and prepare for the day. I am growing more willing to see the young ones work more and keep things clean and get on with their lives. I am tired pulled down by this wicked virus may have to go to the doctor.
I awaken early in order to write and pray and just plain have my alone time. I still love to have a rosary available even though the version imprinted is the Christian/RC version.
I want to develop another rosary for my self that is not so fatherly focused. I am the daughter of the mother and I am not comforted by thoughts of and prayers to the Father. I imagine this is because I have experienced the fathers in my life as saying no and not caring about me whereas the mothers said yes more often after listening to me. I think of the earth as mother's land. I even grew up in the mother's house on the mother's land. My grandfather built the house and developed the land but it came from my grandmother's dowry. God I would love to know the story of the building of that house but when I was there I was too young to question any of the origins. Truth be told I envied my friends who had more modern, larger houses with copper chandeliers and red bathtubs and cedar lined closets. I was incapable of of the inner connection that would lead me to ask the questions I would ask now and of course now at age 62 my elders are all gone and I know of no way to unearth this family history.
Schwarzenegger on the TV about the health care bill. I don't believe anything the man says. He has created the bulk of the mess here in order to call a constitutional convention and get rid of California's ridiculous major majority needed to get a budget through and to continue to protect businesses from paying their fair share of taxes. I also believe that he is part of the extreme right wing that wants the "people" to believe that government is incapable of acting efficiently and reasonably. I think that little plan is falling apart with the information of the "doing business"costs of the big insurance companies. Their over head is between 20-30% while government overhead runs around 3%-hmmmn
Also I think people do realize that this trouble is brought to us by the neo-liberal fucks such as Clinton,Emmanuel with their wonderful ideas of free trade,etc that totally screws those of us who work for a living. No detail here but their policies have bankrupted Mexico and sent a wave of Mexicans up here looking for work and now the "Masters of the Universe" have flooded Mexico with drugs and arranged a major depression here and around the world.
All I know for sure is that the Clinton's are now worth hundreds of millions while screwing the rest of us and Hillary is Secretary of State making sure that our wars are waged efficiently.
Listened to Alan Narn(?) yesterday with Amy Goodman and now have my readical head screwed on again but I know that there is no where to take this. I am certainly too old to believe in overthrow of the government-too old indeed when here in California people would rather build prisons than universities and even though the prison population grows it seems that voters just want vengence and want drug infractions treated as felonies.
Back to the kitchen to clean and freshen and prepare for the day. I am growing more willing to see the young ones work more and keep things clean and get on with their lives. I am tired pulled down by this wicked virus may have to go to the doctor.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
01/06/2010-more
12/31/2009
So my brother whom I never really knew has died> I just had done an experimental chart for him last week. I felt no urge to talk to him, or to be in contact in any way.
I had felt drawn to him in the beginning when I found out about him and his life but I can not bare the type of person that he was-a born-again Christian Protestant who preached and whose pain and anger caused me to pull away.
Well I guess I didn't even keep the estimated chart because I could not remember if he was born 12/23/1943 or 12/26/1943. I knew that he was born in Liberal,KS and that his childhood was miserable and he was never to receive the affection that he craved.
I just was so put off by his01/01/2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR YEAR.
Wonderful to write out the new year.
Retrograde Mars caught up with all my saturn Moon Pluto-not in aspect now but will be again during Mars retrograde season.
Mars retrograde at 18 degrees Leo.
Bill Green passed away on the day of the Eclipse with Pluto conjuncting his Sun and Saturn Squaring his sun-Aries Point baby.
I should write out his story what I know of it. I am haunted by the thought of that poor little boy born two weeks after Wayne-abandoned8889999999999999999 because no one loved mothers or babies in Southwestern kansas in 1943 as we fought the Good War in Europe and Asia and Africa/ this little boy was given to people who were nuts and unhappy and they locked him in closets and no doubt hurt him physically until the woman died and then he was given to a Christian farming family where he was given the basics of citizenship but was not hugged or comforted physically. He was a big man with the a big head and he was cast aside because of his legal position as having been born when his mother had no husband-brutal.
Now days mothers can often keep their babies and adoption can be wonderful but things have only changed marginally. Single mothers are usually in poverty and their children are under educated and under stimulated and under supervised ( I should know having been both the abandoning mother and the single mother).
I still believe in Johnson's great society. If we would give enough for women to feel safe I believe that they the mothers will use their resources to raise their children, to educate themselves and in the end we would have a Great society with each generation becoming brighter and stronger and more loving.
I agree with Johnson on the debilitating effect of poverty on individuals and community and society.
12/9/09Speaking of reflecting, here is the “Five Remembrances” chant:
“I will lose my youth, my health, my loved ones, everything I hold dear and, finally, life itself by the very nature of being human.”
I may have more pieces but I don't have the time right now.,
So my brother whom I never really knew has died> I just had done an experimental chart for him last week. I felt no urge to talk to him, or to be in contact in any way.
I had felt drawn to him in the beginning when I found out about him and his life but I can not bare the type of person that he was-a born-again Christian Protestant who preached and whose pain and anger caused me to pull away.
Well I guess I didn't even keep the estimated chart because I could not remember if he was born 12/23/1943 or 12/26/1943. I knew that he was born in Liberal,KS and that his childhood was miserable and he was never to receive the affection that he craved.
I just was so put off by his01/01/2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR YEAR.
Wonderful to write out the new year.
Retrograde Mars caught up with all my saturn Moon Pluto-not in aspect now but will be again during Mars retrograde season.
Mars retrograde at 18 degrees Leo.
Bill Green passed away on the day of the Eclipse with Pluto conjuncting his Sun and Saturn Squaring his sun-Aries Point baby.
I should write out his story what I know of it. I am haunted by the thought of that poor little boy born two weeks after Wayne-abandoned8889999999999999999 because no one loved mothers or babies in Southwestern kansas in 1943 as we fought the Good War in Europe and Asia and Africa/ this little boy was given to people who were nuts and unhappy and they locked him in closets and no doubt hurt him physically until the woman died and then he was given to a Christian farming family where he was given the basics of citizenship but was not hugged or comforted physically. He was a big man with the a big head and he was cast aside because of his legal position as having been born when his mother had no husband-brutal.
Now days mothers can often keep their babies and adoption can be wonderful but things have only changed marginally. Single mothers are usually in poverty and their children are under educated and under stimulated and under supervised ( I should know having been both the abandoning mother and the single mother).
I still believe in Johnson's great society. If we would give enough for women to feel safe I believe that they the mothers will use their resources to raise their children, to educate themselves and in the end we would have a Great society with each generation becoming brighter and stronger and more loving.
I agree with Johnson on the debilitating effect of poverty on individuals and community and society.
12/9/09Speaking of reflecting, here is the “Five Remembrances” chant:
“I will lose my youth, my health, my loved ones, everything I hold dear and, finally, life itself by the very nature of being human.”
I may have more pieces but I don't have the time right now.,
01/06/2010
01/04/10
This is where I am re: Christianity the religion of my people and of my beginnings. Christianity that has shaped and colored everything. What I have avoided saying is that I don't believe any of this any more-I don't believe in Jesus,I don't believe in the Nicene Creed, I don't believe the things that are said in Jesus name.
I continue to love Mary I know that Mary saved my life and would have helped sooner but I had a lot further to go on my path before I could accept the truth of my own heart.
I know that for me all that was necessary to discipline me was the expression of disappointment from my peers and elders. No need to fill me with ideas of eternal damnation,etc and there was none of this in my home. I encountered this in church and extended family and school but not at home and there was no need to scare me that much.
My brother or half-brother as people say is to be buried today. He had just turned 66 no doubt unwilling to go on for another year or with this life. I didn't know him and never would have been able to know him. Christian conservative with a high note of rage just under the skin. Moon and Venus in Scorpio for this powerful Capricorn with Pluto less than a degree from the NNode having just experienced the full conjunction very recently. Whooa!! poor little boy. Perhaps some would look at that and say he must have been a murderer in a previous life. I don't know about that but I do know that he suffered miserably in his life wanting love and not getting it living through abandonment and wondering why.
I relived this for my mother-I abandoned my childern and their pain and reality were lived out on stage for all to see and feel. I DID this and everyone knew what I had done -this is who I am to this day. I never could understand this what it meant Moon less than a degree from Pluto and now this is coming clear,arriving in my conscious life as part of what I am. Moon /Pluto-the trashy part of me. Dana Gephardt once said something to the effect that no one wants those trash Pluto types as neighbors and it was one of those trash Pluto types who was reading her Of course I would never consult her as an astrologer. that reminds me of that horrible friend of Kimn's who I consulted who simply entered into war with me so outraged was she by my chart. Well I learned to say FUCK!! long ago and she and women like her cannot guide me nor direct me because they have no idea of who I am. I had to go deeper. look longer for guidance. I had to accept my own load of sin, I had no hope of placing the blame on anyone else. I had gone too far for the "big girls" to help. Kims's friend had so much fun pointing out that there is nothing good going on in my chart and true to her traditional astrology there is not but once you add in Uranus and Neptune and Pluto the picture changes.
Wheew! Still pissed at that woman. WOW talk about bitterness and seething. Well I just wouldn't ever go back to her and will always suspect her of hiding her own dirt.
The past few days I have been accepting J's designation of me as trailer trash. I have owned that-trashy, shallow folk. None of the fussing, bothering mothering going on here. I remember how shocked I was by Darlene Brollier scolding Cheri because Cheri's friend had sneaked a second peach. At my house my mother would have asked if the child wanted another peach but Darlene ran a much tighter ship and she was preparing to do some canning for her large family. I was shocked and angered-hmmmm-perhaps the square between Mars and Moon/Pluto and oppose Chiron. Anger and sorrow and curiosity to know why she took such a different position than my mother would have. She frightened me somewhat or rather a lot. always when I encountered the nosey,obsessive bourgeois mother I reacted with anger and contempt but also secretly with longing because it is the obsessive,detail oriented, nosiness of mother's that I lacked and needed but when my father attempted to apply this I would fly into ungovernable rages/tantrums and he would in the end give-up and then of course my life took the well known path. HooHooh1 Yep! ungovernable and headed straight for trouble. angry, resentful,etc.
OH! HOLY MOTHER OF TEARS
I found a sister on the internet. she writes a blog entitled "Our Lady of the Red Thread" the Shiloh Sophia Journal. After all this time I come across a woman who appears to be a sister.
I am hopeful that I can pull myself out of the pit by touching her hem as she passes. Hmmm straight out of the stories of the New Testament. I am not I pray expected to believe in the christian myth as it is understood and practiced among the faithful here in the US.
I am going away now to read her in more depth. More about her later I am sure.
This is where I am re: Christianity the religion of my people and of my beginnings. Christianity that has shaped and colored everything. What I have avoided saying is that I don't believe any of this any more-I don't believe in Jesus,I don't believe in the Nicene Creed, I don't believe the things that are said in Jesus name.
I continue to love Mary I know that Mary saved my life and would have helped sooner but I had a lot further to go on my path before I could accept the truth of my own heart.
I know that for me all that was necessary to discipline me was the expression of disappointment from my peers and elders. No need to fill me with ideas of eternal damnation,etc and there was none of this in my home. I encountered this in church and extended family and school but not at home and there was no need to scare me that much.
My brother or half-brother as people say is to be buried today. He had just turned 66 no doubt unwilling to go on for another year or with this life. I didn't know him and never would have been able to know him. Christian conservative with a high note of rage just under the skin. Moon and Venus in Scorpio for this powerful Capricorn with Pluto less than a degree from the NNode having just experienced the full conjunction very recently. Whooa!! poor little boy. Perhaps some would look at that and say he must have been a murderer in a previous life. I don't know about that but I do know that he suffered miserably in his life wanting love and not getting it living through abandonment and wondering why.
I relived this for my mother-I abandoned my childern and their pain and reality were lived out on stage for all to see and feel. I DID this and everyone knew what I had done -this is who I am to this day. I never could understand this what it meant Moon less than a degree from Pluto and now this is coming clear,arriving in my conscious life as part of what I am. Moon /Pluto-the trashy part of me. Dana Gephardt once said something to the effect that no one wants those trash Pluto types as neighbors and it was one of those trash Pluto types who was reading her Of course I would never consult her as an astrologer. that reminds me of that horrible friend of Kimn's who I consulted who simply entered into war with me so outraged was she by my chart. Well I learned to say FUCK!! long ago and she and women like her cannot guide me nor direct me because they have no idea of who I am. I had to go deeper. look longer for guidance. I had to accept my own load of sin, I had no hope of placing the blame on anyone else. I had gone too far for the "big girls" to help. Kims's friend had so much fun pointing out that there is nothing good going on in my chart and true to her traditional astrology there is not but once you add in Uranus and Neptune and Pluto the picture changes.
Wheew! Still pissed at that woman. WOW talk about bitterness and seething. Well I just wouldn't ever go back to her and will always suspect her of hiding her own dirt.
The past few days I have been accepting J's designation of me as trailer trash. I have owned that-trashy, shallow folk. None of the fussing, bothering mothering going on here. I remember how shocked I was by Darlene Brollier scolding Cheri because Cheri's friend had sneaked a second peach. At my house my mother would have asked if the child wanted another peach but Darlene ran a much tighter ship and she was preparing to do some canning for her large family. I was shocked and angered-hmmmm-perhaps the square between Mars and Moon/Pluto and oppose Chiron. Anger and sorrow and curiosity to know why she took such a different position than my mother would have. She frightened me somewhat or rather a lot. always when I encountered the nosey,obsessive bourgeois mother I reacted with anger and contempt but also secretly with longing because it is the obsessive,detail oriented, nosiness of mother's that I lacked and needed but when my father attempted to apply this I would fly into ungovernable rages/tantrums and he would in the end give-up and then of course my life took the well known path. HooHooh1 Yep! ungovernable and headed straight for trouble. angry, resentful,etc.
OH! HOLY MOTHER OF TEARS
I found a sister on the internet. she writes a blog entitled "Our Lady of the Red Thread" the Shiloh Sophia Journal. After all this time I come across a woman who appears to be a sister.
I am hopeful that I can pull myself out of the pit by touching her hem as she passes. Hmmm straight out of the stories of the New Testament. I am not I pray expected to believe in the christian myth as it is understood and practiced among the faithful here in the US.
I am going away now to read her in more depth. More about her later I am sure.
Friday, January 1, 2010
01/01/2010
01/01/2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR YEAR.
Wonderful to write out the new year.
Retrograde Mars caught up with all my saturn Moon Pluto-not in aspect now but will be again during Mars retrograde season.
Mars retrograde at 18 degrees Leo.
Bill Green passed away on the day of the Eclipse with Pluto conjuncting his Sun and Saturn Squaring his sun-Aries Point baby.
I should write out his story what I know of it. I am haunted by the thought of that poor little boy born two weeks after Wayne-abandoned8889999999999999999 because no one loved mothers or babies in Southwestern kansas in 1943 as we fought the Good War in Europe and Asia and Africa/ this little boy was given to people who were nuts and unhappy and they locked him in closets and no doubt hurt him physically until the woman died and then he was given to a Christian farming family where he was given the basics of citizenship but was not hugged or comforted physically. He was a big man with the a big head and he was cast aside because of his legal position as having been born when his mother had no husband-brutal.
Now days mothers can often keep their babies and adoption can be wonderful but things have only changed marginally. Single mothers are usually in poverty and their children are under educated and under stimulated and under supervised ( I should know having been both the abandoning mother and the single mother).
I still believe in Johnson's great society. If we would give enough for women to feel safe I believe that they the mothers will use their resources to raise their children, to educate themselves and in the end we would have a Great society with each generation becoming brighter and stronger and more loving.
I agree with Johnson on the debilitating effect of poverty on individuals and community and society.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR YEAR.
Wonderful to write out the new year.
Retrograde Mars caught up with all my saturn Moon Pluto-not in aspect now but will be again during Mars retrograde season.
Mars retrograde at 18 degrees Leo.
Bill Green passed away on the day of the Eclipse with Pluto conjuncting his Sun and Saturn Squaring his sun-Aries Point baby.
I should write out his story what I know of it. I am haunted by the thought of that poor little boy born two weeks after Wayne-abandoned8889999999999999999 because no one loved mothers or babies in Southwestern kansas in 1943 as we fought the Good War in Europe and Asia and Africa/ this little boy was given to people who were nuts and unhappy and they locked him in closets and no doubt hurt him physically until the woman died and then he was given to a Christian farming family where he was given the basics of citizenship but was not hugged or comforted physically. He was a big man with the a big head and he was cast aside because of his legal position as having been born when his mother had no husband-brutal.
Now days mothers can often keep their babies and adoption can be wonderful but things have only changed marginally. Single mothers are usually in poverty and their children are under educated and under stimulated and under supervised ( I should know having been both the abandoning mother and the single mother).
I still believe in Johnson's great society. If we would give enough for women to feel safe I believe that they the mothers will use their resources to raise their children, to educate themselves and in the end we would have a Great society with each generation becoming brighter and stronger and more loving.
I agree with Johnson on the debilitating effect of poverty on individuals and community and society.
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