1/7/2010

Still love writing out the new year date-2010. 2009 was hard even though I did have the pleasure of retiring to which I am still adjusting.
I awaken early in order to write and pray and just plain have my alone time. I still love to have a rosary available even though the version imprinted is the Christian/RC version.
I want to develop another rosary for my self that is not so fatherly focused. I am the daughter of the mother and I am not comforted by thoughts of and prayers to the Father. I imagine this is because I have experienced the fathers in my life as saying no and not caring about me whereas the mothers said yes more often after listening to me. I think of the earth as mother's land. I even grew up in the mother's house on the mother's land. My grandfather built the house and developed the land but it came from my grandmother's dowry. God I would love to know the story of the building of that house but when I was there I was too young to question any of the origins. Truth be told I envied my friends who had more modern, larger houses with copper chandeliers and red bathtubs and cedar lined closets. I was incapable of of the inner connection that would lead me to ask the questions I would ask now and of course now at age 62 my elders are all gone and I know of no way to unearth this family history.

Schwarzenegger on the TV about the health care bill. I don't believe anything the man says. He has created the bulk of the mess here in order to call a constitutional convention and get rid of California's ridiculous major majority needed to get a budget through and to continue to protect businesses from paying their fair share of taxes. I also believe that he is part of the extreme right wing that wants the "people" to believe that government is incapable of acting efficiently and reasonably. I think that little plan is falling apart with the information of the "doing business"costs of the big insurance companies. Their over head is between 20-30% while government overhead runs around 3%-hmmmn
Also I think people do realize that this trouble is brought to us by the neo-liberal fucks such as Clinton,Emmanuel with their wonderful ideas of free trade,etc that totally screws those of us who work for a living. No detail here but their policies have bankrupted Mexico and sent a wave of Mexicans up here looking for work and now the "Masters of the Universe" have flooded Mexico with drugs and arranged a major depression here and around the world.
All I know for sure is that the Clinton's are now worth hundreds of millions while screwing the rest of us and Hillary is Secretary of State making sure that our wars are waged efficiently.
Listened to Alan Narn(?) yesterday with Amy Goodman and now have my readical head screwed on again but I know that there is no where to take this. I am certainly too old to believe in overthrow of the government-too old indeed when here in California people would rather build prisons than universities and even though the prison population grows it seems that voters just want vengence and want drug infractions treated as felonies.
Back to the kitchen to clean and freshen and prepare for the day. I am growing more willing to see the young ones work more and keep things clean and get on with their lives. I am tired pulled down by this wicked virus may have to go to the doctor.