11/24/09

The day before Thanksgiving. How I would love to be grown up with Mama and Hazel Hendrickson and Aunt Hazel and Aunt Cecil and Aunt Maggie and Barbara. God how I loved those women and I still stand and cook in the manner I learned in my body from them. I imagine that I will miss them the rest of my days. I try not to spend too much time in memories-there be dragons there-I can get caught in the past and stir up depression that way.
Weird times here as I think I wrote before. Amy and Arthur are going to his family since it will be his first Thanksgiving home in years. I thought that Courtney would be here but that is up i n the air. Courtney is p.oed because I didn't like her attitude regarding the money she wants from me for a rave on 11/28/09. In total I am shoveling out around $100 (a little more). I told her that she is spending all my Christmas budget for her and she got pissy. then I really landed on J. who drinks my kitchen sherry,etc. who seems to live to get intoxicated. I am so over this with them and they will have to go or rather J. must go back home and Courtney can stay but she has to come out of her stupor. Seemingly all C. wants to do is party all day/night long. She has gained a huge amount of weight and therefore I know that she is stuck. Perhaps she will need to get REALLY PISSED in order to launch herself into the world and get moving towards education and earning a living.
Arvin has been troubling-absolutely stuffed with puberty. He is totally mercenary with S and I-says he loves us in order to get money and gifts. He is quite crude in that way and we were shocked and hurt and then I started to worry. Worry about his spiritual development and then I remembered other boys at that stage and yes they are little shits and only girls their own age can handle them. Arvin is insecure and worried about fitting in and being desirable.
Most of this short week wrapped up in watching Obama increase the size of our war on Afghanistan/ Sick over this and the details of all the hideous things we do in the world to maintain our position on top. Bullies, vicious killers I guess from the beginning I don't know but I am amazed that we don't do any collective deep work just want to remain children and go to parades and celebrate the soldiers and feel so proud that we are the best.