I know that making my own soap

Woke up missing Joyce but knowing that I can not return to that old rut of trusting her and confiding in her and accepting her occasional meanness. I think that she returned to drinking and that is when her personality twists into sociopathic cruelty and her insults are so virulent that I just have to walk away.This last time I saw the faulty logic,formed in the 70's, that I just have all my family around to keep me from being alone I realized that that attack is just like the one from the 90's when she attacked me for going back to work for welfare because such jobs are a trap but now whe wishes that she had my pension another trap but so welcome in our 60's when others see us as "dead wood" that needs pruning.So.... yes I do have family around and they do keep me from being alone AND I have grandchildren who were barely raised due to their mothers drug use and ghetto living which I was absolutely powerless to affect except for having the kids at my house, providing food and clothing and providing all the love I had at my disposal-believe me I was starting to get very tired there in my 50's. Now my grandson is on drugs to control his acting out, his outrage over his family situation and my granddaughter spends her time stoned on marijuana so afraid to step out into the world that she is simply not doing it. She has a best friend who is much more positive and I am hoping that my granddaughter can benefit from this friendship as I did with my friends from the Laney days. I suggested yesterday that Courtney seek out some counseling and will return to that: there is a program in Berkeley to help kids get out into the world and I will direct her back there today.
So now the people caught in Iran on the border are being charged with espionage which of course is what they were doing. I mean why would well-to-do middle class people decide to visit the Iran-Iraq border? Harsh, inhospitable terrain? Even if they are rock climbers mountan climbers why go to that sensitive war torn ground? Weird so I have always assumed that they were spys. I am praying that some arragement can be achieved to save Iran face and get the US citizens home.
A big rig fell off the Bay Bridge early in the morning and traffic is backed up miserabley today. That bridge has had so much trouble-there should be a public safety program of TV,radio,etc explaining the changes and warning especially the veteran driver's who have the old bridge path in their muscles and this change is major and dangerous. I have only driven it once and I was surprised at HOW much the drive is changed. I am really surprised that the safety of the drive wasn't given greater consideration and if absolutely necessary to go that way then public notice and instruction would have been helpful for the community/public.
Cleaning up after the weekend and two weeks down due to flu/etc. getting wash and floors and catboxes (what?? Should I write Boxi to indicate duplicates or catboxs even though I say catbox-es?).
I wish that I could make my own castile soap but the necessity of lye frightens me. I am convinced that I need to eliminate all chemical cleaners (yes! i know that making my own castile soap is a chemical process but it is one done with ingrediants ritght from the earth-I recognize their origins-we have similar origins-i understand. the chemicals produced in labratories are not like me and I reject them physically-with allergies and other sicknesses.
Mars transiting Leo and Venus in Scorpio are lighting up my personal life and making me vulnerable to pain and judgement although I believe i will be recognized as a grandmother trying to take care of children and it is necessary for me to set limits which I don't like doing but must this time acknowledge my vulnerability to judgements of others.