Saturday morning/full moon in Cancer

I love the feminine influence that shows in Obama's story: strong mother,grandmother,wife and now mother-in-law. whew these powerful women with pictures of the future within and these pictures leading direction, a map if you will.
what isn't highlighted enough yet is that these women all had careers but were also able to raise the children with the help of the other women in the family-this is a story that must get out. Women are mothers but we also need our mothers, sisters, cousins, mothers-in-law.
This need of mothers is so powerful-I was alienated from my own mother, traumatized by the sex that was part of my relationship with my boyfriend and then abandoned by my mother-in-law when I become pregnant with my second child and had fallen head over heels with for Joe Coniff mainly because he kissed differently than Wayne,was more generous. I went crazy-a bright curious child left to try and grow myself up and become the hard working, non-dreaming, content with domestic pleasures such as painting the rooms, getting a new bedspread, new curtains. Of course I didn't know how to hang the curtains, clean the house and I was too young to control myself which I was unable to manage until I was in my 40's. A rough early life full of failure and despair and one that only the help of mothers could heal. I found that healing in women's groups and friendships where I could tell my story and remain accepted because I was telling my story in arenas that was full of women who did not share my experience. The woemn of my natural class, the clerks, EW's, the LVN's, the cooks,the secretaries,etc were disgusted by my story because at that level there is no solution-I was rendered unstable by the pressure of early motherhood and that meant in the end that my mother-in-law raised my children and I moved on to make another life. I succeded in surviving but never more than that-to flourish would be a sin against my clan. Oh saturn in Leo in the 4th six degrees away from combust moon pluto ( more later on the exact squares to mars in Taurus and chiron in Scorpio-subjective wisdom gained and shared but always with the grimmest restrictions-working in welfare feeling at home feeling fortunate because I am one of "us" the poor, the disadvantaged but I was bright and rebellious so I managed to take advantage of the end of Johnson's War On Poverty. I loved him becuase he had honestly seen the destruction caused by poverty and the urgency of needing shelter and food that pushed out the need to fill one's intellectual, creative talents. Strange story that of Johnson because he brought such hell to the Vietmese, the laotians the Cambodians but he opened us up to education and freedom from hateful relationships. When I first left Wayne I applied for welfare but I couldn't get it becuase i had to be seperated from my husband for a year before I could be eligible for any money. When I went to work for welfare in 1975 there were huge posters in the waiting rooms advertising a court settlement that would pay for the damage of that regulation. I remember looking at the poster as I stopped breathing but I could never explain to anyone the irony and the pain-I almost fainted I think becuase I had literally burnt my old life on the alter of the new because there was absolutely no help for me when I needed it in 1966/1967. I am thinking that is part of why I am not so outraged with Blagouvich(?)in chicago-working class boy streching for the room to develop his talent but having to scratch up what his more privileged peers can take for granted. I guess he is unsuitable for his position-too much to overcome in one lifetime-but boy do I see myself in him ( in my own subjective position within my narrow, confined personal life.)
I loved recent contacts with Kimn one of the young High Priestess women who took over in the healing of my soul-she responded to my words about feeling kind of guilty that I never could keep my work long enough to manage credit/mortgage, that I have had to stay i a very confined space in order to maintain a regular life. she has some of the same feelings although as a High Priestess type honoring her commitments is not the issue it is for me still she says that she did feel concern in the past 30 years or so about her narrow life but now that people are falling down and dying and going to prison because so much of their lives were based on make believe she realizes that her way is much easier to maintain. I have always loved the small personal life that is affordable without trustfunds, expensive education and equally expensive connections AND I hve felt quilty because my natural love of luxury (mars/venus conjunct in Taurus and rising) has been forced into the background due to poverty (mars /venus intercepted in the first??).
Watching some of the TV that Arvin, the beloved grandwon, watches. I see why he loves George Lopez-that show takes on the conversations of the day-bullying at school, identification theft, the problems ordinary people encounter on their way to individuation.
Courtney has gone away and I don't know where she is. she is only 18 not old enough I think to go away without a trace. She has no money and no education and I worry about her making her way on underground sex and drugs-the only way out for lazy girls-the only street out of the poverty and insanity of her mother's home- she doesn't seem interested in regular jobs and regular school but that leaves her wide open to the lure of easy money which of course is not free just that the bill is presented later. Poverty again.