Saturday PM now. Washer and dryer sit in the kitchen. Even though now is the time of drought still I would have to wash clothes somehow. I will need to learn how to save the rinse water for the plants-lettuce, herbs, tomatoes, etc will be sky high. Thirty years ago there was a big drought. I remember Herb Caen publishing the little ditty: if it's yellow it's mellow; if it is brown flush it down. Restaurants stopped serving glasses of water and lawns went yellow and we were all afraid of fires. Now the news says that we have had three years of draught. where was the discussion of this. It is time to break up the monopolies but I imagine this will be part of the revolution /civil war. I know that these decrepid uber ambitious fucks have got to go. We don't need kings we need leaders and poets and inspirers-we are done with popes and kings,etc. I imagine our greatest enemy at this time is the weapons deveopers/makers the ones who don't care who dies, who lives just as long as there are governments to spend tax money on new weapons.
We need to get the word out that Social Security IS the savings of the working classes-from the lowest to the highest wage earners we have all 'saved' and never allow this to be called entitlements or welfare. I remember how shocked I was that Beth considered UIB welfare. That was my first glimpse into how deep the conflict runs.
I have loved Civil Service with the rules and regulations that keep everything running smoothly as long as everyone sticks to the rules. Of course people often disagree thinking that they know better but there is always a way if we just keep to the road. Now there is precious little trust left because og the pernicious effects of the Reagan mood. I am hoping that people are understanding that they have beern tricked again out of the benefits they worked for, the 'savings' they worked for and 'put aside'. It is tyime to drive the Vogue and Harper's Bizarre and Elle out of town time to get rid of PEOPLE,etc time to give up dreaming aabout celebreties and their fancy lives and focus on ours, our children, our society.
We always had free education but not any longer. NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND pure crap set up to weed out those who can afford "private education" from those who can't. Ou children need the book learning but they also need to know how to work in an office, how to change tires and fix cars, how to sew clothes and how to cook and clean house. Our children need information on basic psychology-they need to understand the value of the Golden Rule.
I spent time drifting because I was so disappointed that I ended up in a job that my higher placed friends looked down-I didn't realize how far I had come and how really well I was doing. I wanted 'a good man' not realizing that that part of my life was over,damaged really before I ever reached 21.
Steve a wonderful man for me-gentle and willing but when I was 27/28 he was just a little boy. I was already past my reproductive years, trying to bluff my way into the middle-class which I had done with Gerald but of course I didn't understand that then and there was no going past the Jupiter problems and I had to grow-up which I did thanks to having a steady job doing work I believed in- welfare- the best thing that ever happened to me. I really started to live when I had welfare and went to school and then applied for the job and had regular money and health care and child care. I just couldn't accept myself-I thought that I could become like Ann, Barbara,Elaine if I just tried harder never being able to see the beauty in my natural self.
Narcissistic wound-how deeply that hurt when Kimn said narcissits you just can't tell them anything. Well so I was narcissistic as a shield but I am not now. I think the healing became apparent when I realized how strong and powerful Teddy Kennedy has been. I remembered all the right-wing writers making fun of him fucking his brains out all over the world but he kept on going no matter what kept on going and made a difference in the world. I wept when I "saw" this and I think that was the beginning of acceptance of myself. I started to realize that no matter the level of my failures still I held in there and gave something back.
Listenng to Robert Kennedy interview a writer who has just published a book entitled "All The Shaws Men" a history of American/Persian relations.Boy are we quilty, guilty-nasty doings those Republicans and no matter what Eisenhower said later his hands were dirty,