The photo of me is of me in the tie-dye given to me by my fellow workers on my retirement. They wrote on the shirt but that does not show up in photos.
Courtney is staying at her mother's and I am so happy. I know that this cannot continue but for the moment I know that she is safe.
I am bringing forward some thoughts I wrote of Starlight News but the thoughts are purely political not so astrological so I am posting them here instead:
I cannot stand the phrase "nothing can be done until August". We don't know that this will happen in August nor for that matter that we can't come to a solution earlier or for that matter the August point may not work out.
In this time the attempts by the GOP to hang Obama is so pitiful and disgusting.
I am praying that this is a time of turning in regards to Gaza. That the world will now see what the Israeli government has done there. What shame the Israeli government carries.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
05/31/2010
Posting something I wrote for Astroworld but then realized that it is too long for that.
I wish I could participate in one of the Memorial Days of my childhood. We would all go respectfully and excitedly to the "graveyard" with our flowers and place them on the graves of our family members and the strangers from somewhere else would salute and shoot their big Army rifles and the preacher would pray and we, the kids would learn about brothers, sisters,uncles,aunts who died before we knew them. And the richest man laid under his marble blanket and mother would chuckle saying that he would have a hard time getting out of that to meet Jesus. And then we would go home for picnics and company and card playing and the sweet scent of the peonies mama bought for our family graves still in the house because she saved a few out just for us and what a huge treat they were.
I wish I could participate in one of the Memorial Days of my childhood. We would all go respectfully and excitedly to the "graveyard" with our flowers and place them on the graves of our family members and the strangers from somewhere else would salute and shoot their big Army rifles and the preacher would pray and we, the kids would learn about brothers, sisters,uncles,aunts who died before we knew them. And the richest man laid under his marble blanket and mother would chuckle saying that he would have a hard time getting out of that to meet Jesus. And then we would go home for picnics and company and card playing and the sweet scent of the peonies mama bought for our family graves still in the house because she saved a few out just for us and what a huge treat they were.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
05/27/2010
Soooo- listening to the President explain himself. He is a natural cool dude and the worse things get the cooler he appears. Jeez!! folk really want to blame him for all of this where as I see that we are all to blame at least those of us who live at such a high level of wealth and ease. I cannot imagine that the Obama administration is not hustling and doing what they can to get this "under control".
Helen Thomas on his ass (as she should be) about Afghanistan. I hate all the death and destruction on Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't feel as though they are the enemy just fucking unfortunate that their country is where the Big Boys want to go. I imagine we now have enemies there that didn't grow up hating us but do now due to the killing and maiming and destruction caused by our bombs.
Helen Thomas on his ass (as she should be) about Afghanistan. I hate all the death and destruction on Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't feel as though they are the enemy just fucking unfortunate that their country is where the Big Boys want to go. I imagine we now have enemies there that didn't grow up hating us but do now due to the killing and maiming and destruction caused by our bombs.
05/27/2010
Uranus into Aries today. Perhaps a "plug" is in place. Everyone hates Obama over this because the right wingers have been VERY busy making sure that people think of this as "Obama's Katrina". I am posting a rant from Starlight News that was really inappropriate to post there.
I personally am sick of hearing the Obama haters screaming about how the "government" especially Obama is not doing the right stuff in the Gulf of Mexico. What do people want? Some assholish strutting around with a cod piece saying "I am in charge!!!"
I was grieving on day one and talking about this before anyone else was taking this seriously and I know that the people who are in positions of power and responsibility are doing EVERYTHING they can and Obama has never been a strutter.
I believe that this is an attempt to hang this on Obama as "his Katrina" and the folk who hate him and never voted for him and consider him a traitor/Muslim/socialist/turncoat now want him and his government to fix what cannot be fixed.
I am thankful for the news this morning but this is not addressing the damage. I believe that this administration will make advances and changes but not now there is SO much trouble everywhere right now.
This is probably such an inappropriate rant but I am weary of the destruction of Obama. I have some real misgivings about Obama's decisions but then I do always have these misgivings toward the rich and powerful as they push nature and humans around and steal the cake and then blame the workers or immigrants or whoever has to wear the dunce hat in any season.
I personally am sick of hearing the Obama haters screaming about how the "government" especially Obama is not doing the right stuff in the Gulf of Mexico. What do people want? Some assholish strutting around with a cod piece saying "I am in charge!!!"
I was grieving on day one and talking about this before anyone else was taking this seriously and I know that the people who are in positions of power and responsibility are doing EVERYTHING they can and Obama has never been a strutter.
I believe that this is an attempt to hang this on Obama as "his Katrina" and the folk who hate him and never voted for him and consider him a traitor/Muslim/socialist/turncoat now want him and his government to fix what cannot be fixed.
I am thankful for the news this morning but this is not addressing the damage. I believe that this administration will make advances and changes but not now there is SO much trouble everywhere right now.
This is probably such an inappropriate rant but I am weary of the destruction of Obama. I have some real misgivings about Obama's decisions but then I do always have these misgivings toward the rich and powerful as they push nature and humans around and steal the cake and then blame the workers or immigrants or whoever has to wear the dunce hat in any season.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
05/24/2010
Happy birthday to me-these years the Solar Return happens on 5/24 and will happen I think sometime during the night this year. Waiting for Treme by watching a Beowulf movie. thinking that if there had been some visuals when I was struggling through it in 9th grade English perhaps things would have gone better for me. Doubt it but a thought.
On to the personal again. I have been knowing some forgiveness of myself for the tragedy of my teen years. Could never forgive myself,took on all the responsibility and blame and could never therefore forgive myself. These days I am seeing that YES!! I was already a mother and I loved my children and I did what I could but I was overwhelmed by the collective weight. I rejected my parents becoming aware socially and resenting them for my consignment to the lower classes. I envied Wayne his small,beautiful,refined mother and wanted her for my mother. I envied his clean and smooth home. I feared him with his demand for sex for which I was not yet ready but I was so afraid of going on my own in a social milieu for which I was not prepared and which my parents kept saying I could handle but I could not and I was haunted by the sexual trauma of my early childhood.
These days I am seeing my own reality. Accepting what is mine and accepting what isn't mine and now having a peace inside that I have not had since I was around four years old.
On to the personal again. I have been knowing some forgiveness of myself for the tragedy of my teen years. Could never forgive myself,took on all the responsibility and blame and could never therefore forgive myself. These days I am seeing that YES!! I was already a mother and I loved my children and I did what I could but I was overwhelmed by the collective weight. I rejected my parents becoming aware socially and resenting them for my consignment to the lower classes. I envied Wayne his small,beautiful,refined mother and wanted her for my mother. I envied his clean and smooth home. I feared him with his demand for sex for which I was not yet ready but I was so afraid of going on my own in a social milieu for which I was not prepared and which my parents kept saying I could handle but I could not and I was haunted by the sexual trauma of my early childhood.
These days I am seeing my own reality. Accepting what is mine and accepting what isn't mine and now having a peace inside that I have not had since I was around four years old.
Friday, May 21, 2010
05/21/2010
Posting something I wrote for Astroworld but it really is commentary and not astrological so too long for that site.QOP- thank you for the reminder of how it has been for the people of Iran. I for one have never forgotten. Also fellow dear citizens I have not forgotten WHY certain folk have turned to the militant hating Islam. I wonder what we would do with our Christianity if our towns were blown up and every way out of town and into the country was blown up and bombs meant for warriors hit family homes and the enemy soldiers were raping our beautiful daughters and the killing them? AND the world media were reporting us as animals while giving the others complete passes because they report that we are animals who kill our daughters when they try to learn to read or figure numbers even god forbid math laws-created by our ancestors and ALWAYS true ,eternally and everywhere?
Well this Christian woman remembers what happened and remembers who created the hell we are living today: we believed that OIL belonged to us and we took it in any way we could and as Christians we ignored our teachings and joined the Devil to get what we believed we needed while alive on the earth.
Of course things have only grown worse now and as our president doesn't think that we can afford to stop planting landmines, we are witnessing the possible death of our hemisphere due to our acceptance of dangerous gathering of our mother's pulsing fluids. One Native American I read was talking about that-we should never have taken "our Mother's"petroleum that we don't know what we have caused by doing so. That so resonated with me.
My collards are growing beautifully now that I have replanted them in deep soil. They are in containers but there are four plants and perhaps five gallons of soil and they are happy right now. I am looking forward to collards later in the season.
Senator Dingle was on the TV looking as old as a rock but bright and involved. the body is aging as bodies do but his mind is so there so responsive. I was so touched and so moved by his efforts to regain control of the banks,Wall Street after the years of deregulation and the outrageous looting of our collective treasure.
Myself I would bring the robbers up on charges of theft and treason for grand theft by looting our treasure. I am referring to the scoundrel Republicans ( 0h!1 the ones not yet dead. Can't get to Reagan for example) and the ones like Ron Paul and his young son Rand, the so-called Libertarians. Libertarians whom Thom Hartman say are conservatives who want to smoke weed and get laid. I always hoot when I hear that of course I believe Libertarians are folk who still believe that they did it all by themselves and feel a deep need to protect their treasure from others.
Yesterday I gave out this address to a friend. I think she will be the only reader here beyond the astrologer and my beloved who do check in from time to time.
.
Well this Christian woman remembers what happened and remembers who created the hell we are living today: we believed that OIL belonged to us and we took it in any way we could and as Christians we ignored our teachings and joined the Devil to get what we believed we needed while alive on the earth.
Of course things have only grown worse now and as our president doesn't think that we can afford to stop planting landmines, we are witnessing the possible death of our hemisphere due to our acceptance of dangerous gathering of our mother's pulsing fluids. One Native American I read was talking about that-we should never have taken "our Mother's"petroleum that we don't know what we have caused by doing so. That so resonated with me.
My collards are growing beautifully now that I have replanted them in deep soil. They are in containers but there are four plants and perhaps five gallons of soil and they are happy right now. I am looking forward to collards later in the season.
Senator Dingle was on the TV looking as old as a rock but bright and involved. the body is aging as bodies do but his mind is so there so responsive. I was so touched and so moved by his efforts to regain control of the banks,Wall Street after the years of deregulation and the outrageous looting of our collective treasure.
Myself I would bring the robbers up on charges of theft and treason for grand theft by looting our treasure. I am referring to the scoundrel Republicans ( 0h!1 the ones not yet dead. Can't get to Reagan for example) and the ones like Ron Paul and his young son Rand, the so-called Libertarians. Libertarians whom Thom Hartman say are conservatives who want to smoke weed and get laid. I always hoot when I hear that of course I believe Libertarians are folk who still believe that they did it all by themselves and feel a deep need to protect their treasure from others.
Yesterday I gave out this address to a friend. I think she will be the only reader here beyond the astrologer and my beloved who do check in from time to time.
.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
05/20/2010-2nd
Posting another blog from Starlight News:
Fe-that thought of how much of our lives come in plastic bottles,eased with petroleum gels,etc is a shuddering realization. And I know what you mean about the blunting by the divinity of the damage-this is so far beyond cutting benefits for education or other social outrages-this is on the level of trying to blow smoke in god’s face.
I have for years now been using simple olive oil, not extra virgin,for my skin and I am slowly increasing glass and pottery items for frig storage and canisters-here in my region Safeway store bottled salsas come in wide mouth jars that are excellent for all types of storage needs for instance. I eschew the expensive storage containers advertised in glossy magazines/catalogues because I don’t have extra money AND I don’t need it if i pay attention. This is by way of pointing out how we can change in order to honor our grief and outrage and change now. Small ways add up and also can lead us to bigger ways.
This is in honor of Saturn transiting my natal 6th house soon to be trineing all my 2nd house Gemini planets and heavenly bodies such as Vestia,etc and sixtiling my natal fourth house Saturn,Moon, Pluto. Natally I have Neptune in the 6th-no doubt referring to lifetimes in ashrams and convents and monastaries,etc and judging from this lifetime no doubt have many commitments and vows to poverty. Well in defiance to the piece just posted by Sky Writer: there is a place for poverty especially in cultures with an excess of riches.
Having an 8th house S Node I cringed at the piece SkyWriter republished about how to get rid of moochers in your life. I recall Beth saying"you are a moocher,Clymela after I had stayed with them for 3or4 weeks following the break-up with Roland. This is by way of saying that I have often relied on the kindness of friends and lovers for getting by although I was never one for "forgetting" my wallet and then being unable to pay for my dinner. NO!! with me it has been ever extended poverty so that I could never afford to eat out so I would say when the subject came up "I can't afford to eat out today and then my more affluent or better organized friends would say "oh come on I'll pay". To this day I often have to borrow money to get by due to my over eagerness to "take care" of others. Anyway Beth's judgement still hurts although I can say she even left her spouse Pat for a more wealthy woman because "she just didn't want to scratch anymore"to which Pat said "scratch" as they were property owning middle-class women in their own beautiful home with two generous incomes.but as they say...I digress.
Now to prove my superficial Gemini bonafides: I picked up "1876" by Gore Vidal which we had in a bookcase. I needed something to read that is not about god or politics or astrology,etc. WOW o WOW!! what a writer!! Really ignored I am sure due to his "communist" tendencies. I am loving this book and knowing absolutely zilch about history I am enjoying the book just for the elegant beauty of Vidal's writing. Of course I also share his slant politically although I could never be a mean as my dear Mr Vidal.
Yesterday I made the most delicious white bean soup in celebration of our grinding poverty following the expenses of inoculations and "procedures" for three 9 month old kittens (male). Their sister had her surgery three months ago when the kittens were six months old. Oh! yes and I had a $300 bill for Kaiser for bad checks (that pesky 8th house SNode again-gambling-SNode in Sagittarius in the eighth) one was for $5 from 2005 and there were a couple for $10 and one for $25. Yikes folks are making a fortune on suckers like me-although my fault my grievous fault. Steve and I have resolved to no more check writing regardless of the crisis. We will find other ways.
I can just imagine readers turning away in disgust over the fargility of my honor and character and I can only say Yep!! that is sure true of me not the whole truth but definitely true in part.
Back to the soup: white beans at least a pound. I preboiled them in the 6 quart pot but for cooking I had to transfer them to the 12 quart pot. I drained them ( I know throwing away all the nutrients but better that than the gas) and then cooked them with water and a quart or so of homemade chicken stock. when the beans were soft I cooked minced green pepper and onion and lots of garlic in bacon drippings-someone took my six pieces of bacon saved just for this soup-and then stirred this into the beans and cooked for sometime more. I also squashed the beans with a potato masher just so that they would thicken the soup-not all the beans were mashed. I salted and peppered the soup and served it up. Everyone who had some loved it and it cost about a dollar twenty-five to make and there are leftovers today. Nothing fancy but this is a classic.
Fe-that thought of how much of our lives come in plastic bottles,eased with petroleum gels,etc is a shuddering realization. And I know what you mean about the blunting by the divinity of the damage-this is so far beyond cutting benefits for education or other social outrages-this is on the level of trying to blow smoke in god’s face.
I have for years now been using simple olive oil, not extra virgin,for my skin and I am slowly increasing glass and pottery items for frig storage and canisters-here in my region Safeway store bottled salsas come in wide mouth jars that are excellent for all types of storage needs for instance. I eschew the expensive storage containers advertised in glossy magazines/catalogues because I don’t have extra money AND I don’t need it if i pay attention. This is by way of pointing out how we can change in order to honor our grief and outrage and change now. Small ways add up and also can lead us to bigger ways.
This is in honor of Saturn transiting my natal 6th house soon to be trineing all my 2nd house Gemini planets and heavenly bodies such as Vestia,etc and sixtiling my natal fourth house Saturn,Moon, Pluto. Natally I have Neptune in the 6th-no doubt referring to lifetimes in ashrams and convents and monastaries,etc and judging from this lifetime no doubt have many commitments and vows to poverty. Well in defiance to the piece just posted by Sky Writer: there is a place for poverty especially in cultures with an excess of riches.
Having an 8th house S Node I cringed at the piece SkyWriter republished about how to get rid of moochers in your life. I recall Beth saying"you are a moocher,Clymela after I had stayed with them for 3or4 weeks following the break-up with Roland. This is by way of saying that I have often relied on the kindness of friends and lovers for getting by although I was never one for "forgetting" my wallet and then being unable to pay for my dinner. NO!! with me it has been ever extended poverty so that I could never afford to eat out so I would say when the subject came up "I can't afford to eat out today and then my more affluent or better organized friends would say "oh come on I'll pay". To this day I often have to borrow money to get by due to my over eagerness to "take care" of others. Anyway Beth's judgement still hurts although I can say she even left her spouse Pat for a more wealthy woman because "she just didn't want to scratch anymore"to which Pat said "scratch" as they were property owning middle-class women in their own beautiful home with two generous incomes.but as they say...I digress.
Now to prove my superficial Gemini bonafides: I picked up "1876" by Gore Vidal which we had in a bookcase. I needed something to read that is not about god or politics or astrology,etc. WOW o WOW!! what a writer!! Really ignored I am sure due to his "communist" tendencies. I am loving this book and knowing absolutely zilch about history I am enjoying the book just for the elegant beauty of Vidal's writing. Of course I also share his slant politically although I could never be a mean as my dear Mr Vidal.
Yesterday I made the most delicious white bean soup in celebration of our grinding poverty following the expenses of inoculations and "procedures" for three 9 month old kittens (male). Their sister had her surgery three months ago when the kittens were six months old. Oh! yes and I had a $300 bill for Kaiser for bad checks (that pesky 8th house SNode again-gambling-SNode in Sagittarius in the eighth) one was for $5 from 2005 and there were a couple for $10 and one for $25. Yikes folks are making a fortune on suckers like me-although my fault my grievous fault. Steve and I have resolved to no more check writing regardless of the crisis. We will find other ways.
I can just imagine readers turning away in disgust over the fargility of my honor and character and I can only say Yep!! that is sure true of me not the whole truth but definitely true in part.
Back to the soup: white beans at least a pound. I preboiled them in the 6 quart pot but for cooking I had to transfer them to the 12 quart pot. I drained them ( I know throwing away all the nutrients but better that than the gas) and then cooked them with water and a quart or so of homemade chicken stock. when the beans were soft I cooked minced green pepper and onion and lots of garlic in bacon drippings-someone took my six pieces of bacon saved just for this soup-and then stirred this into the beans and cooked for sometime more. I also squashed the beans with a potato masher just so that they would thicken the soup-not all the beans were mashed. I salted and peppered the soup and served it up. Everyone who had some loved it and it cost about a dollar twenty-five to make and there are leftovers today. Nothing fancy but this is a classic.
05/20/2010
Well the stream of consciousness of 5/18/2010 is certainly hard to follow. Sorry dear readers.
transferring another stream of consciousness from Staqrlight News: too long for a short blog response and yet I want to capture it:
Fe-one thing I know is that this, the Gulf of Mexico rig explosion, is so catastrophic that in time the facts are going to wash away (sorry for that) all patience,etc. as we realize the breadth and depth of the destruction and I personally am more concerned about the families of fish and other sea life that will not hatch this year or next year than I am about rising fuel prices.
I do see this as a collective karma and I am as involved as anyone as I store leftovers in plastic containers or ride in personal vehicles still I know that the companies have been criminal in their refusal to safeguard the cradle of life.
I HATE Rand Paul-really. I have a beautiful,gifted nephew who lives in his state and I just know that he is a supporter although he would never say so to his "hippie-dippie" auntie. I imagine that Rand Paul is expressing real feelings and I don't have an answer. There are racial ill feelings-white people are offended and disturbed by those of other ethnic backgrounds especially they are frightened and offended by Black people and they will do everything possible to make sure they never have to interact with Black people-I know this because I grew up white and rebelled against this fact. Myself I encountered racial disdain when I first went to China Town and was so obviously hated ina collective way and my friend Jennie Ja told me how when she goes to China town with her Caucasian boyfriend the employees of the bakeries would refuse to speak Mandarin with her. And I have encountered racial hatred from the Black Muslims.
More later.
transferring another stream of consciousness from Staqrlight News: too long for a short blog response and yet I want to capture it:
Fe-one thing I know is that this, the Gulf of Mexico rig explosion, is so catastrophic that in time the facts are going to wash away (sorry for that) all patience,etc. as we realize the breadth and depth of the destruction and I personally am more concerned about the families of fish and other sea life that will not hatch this year or next year than I am about rising fuel prices.
I do see this as a collective karma and I am as involved as anyone as I store leftovers in plastic containers or ride in personal vehicles still I know that the companies have been criminal in their refusal to safeguard the cradle of life.
I HATE Rand Paul-really. I have a beautiful,gifted nephew who lives in his state and I just know that he is a supporter although he would never say so to his "hippie-dippie" auntie. I imagine that Rand Paul is expressing real feelings and I don't have an answer. There are racial ill feelings-white people are offended and disturbed by those of other ethnic backgrounds especially they are frightened and offended by Black people and they will do everything possible to make sure they never have to interact with Black people-I know this because I grew up white and rebelled against this fact. Myself I encountered racial disdain when I first went to China Town and was so obviously hated ina collective way and my friend Jennie Ja told me how when she goes to China town with her Caucasian boyfriend the employees of the bakeries would refuse to speak Mandarin with her. And I have encountered racial hatred from the Black Muslims.
More later.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
5/18/2010
So much of previews for the upcoming Grand Crosses 2010-2012 that will include Saturn,Uranus,Pluto. took little Bootz for his surgery, heard that A. the grandson is in trouble again-took a plastic,toy gun to school. Had inked out the flouescent part and so scared his teachers to death and they called the cops. child has a grand cross of his own and in the cardinal signs just as this big one now. He needs a father but his father is unavailable and Steve my partner is so regularly talked down by A that I don't think he really respects Steve.
Another subject: I just caught the disrespect and treachery from Amy in regards myself. I had been shocked to hear her talking about her wonderful Mother's Day after I had invited her to come here and she invited Courtney away from here and so they had a wonderful day and I got shit. Today she must have forgotten who she was speaking to and made a remark about how Arvin comes over here and talks about things his grandma wants to hear. I am in a mood to cut her off, to sort of drop her because she only expresses any affection for me when I have money for her. Well A is now 40 and I guess she can make it on her own. I know that at 63 I no longer need to carry her around like some baby bird from hell.
Another subject: I just caught the disrespect and treachery from Amy in regards myself. I had been shocked to hear her talking about her wonderful Mother's Day after I had invited her to come here and she invited Courtney away from here and so they had a wonderful day and I got shit. Today she must have forgotten who she was speaking to and made a remark about how Arvin comes over here and talks about things his grandma wants to hear. I am in a mood to cut her off, to sort of drop her because she only expresses any affection for me when I have money for her. Well A is now 40 and I guess she can make it on her own. I know that at 63 I no longer need to carry her around like some baby bird from hell.
Friday, May 14, 2010
05/14/2010
Couldn't write yesterday. Went to court with B for the last time. The judge withdrew the plea deal that was formally offered to A. and has decided to give him five years hard time on top of the six almost seven years in Alameda County jail. My beloved friend has hit the wall. She did everything including spending her entire life savings of $10,000 to hire an attorney who did nothing until the money was all gone and A. had to accept a court-appointed attorney who had a career in the Public Defender's office until she opened a private practice. She ended up hating A. who maybe a sociopath-I don't know but something is VERY wrong there.
I am so concerned for my friend-she moved back from her beloved Colorado when friends called her to tell her that A. was in the news both TV and papers. She is of the Ute tribe and belongs naturally on the Western Slope of Colorado. She has done everything she could and what was needed was money and retired civil service social workers traditionally have little money.
Well more of this later-we are presently a computer family and S. has urgent work to complete.
I am so concerned for my friend-she moved back from her beloved Colorado when friends called her to tell her that A. was in the news both TV and papers. She is of the Ute tribe and belongs naturally on the Western Slope of Colorado. She has done everything she could and what was needed was money and retired civil service social workers traditionally have little money.
Well more of this later-we are presently a computer family and S. has urgent work to complete.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
05/12/2010
I am slowly recovering although I continue to experience weakness and low energy.
Yesterday took Hunter and Pookie to have their vasectomy and they are now home sleeping with swollen scrotums. I so regret having to hurt them this way. They are so sweet and don't seem to blame me the way their sister does since her hysterectomy. Please forgive the spelling of the medical terms if I am wrong.
The destruction of the Gulf of Mexico proves, for me at least, the presence of evil in our lives: this could have been prevented but BP and others are too greedy to spend the money on the preventative technology and we are too mindless and unconscious to require that the oil company and developers use all available technology to insurance against this destruction.
No one seems to want to discuss that, at least to me, all the jet travel, the shipping food from one continent to another,the shipping cheap clothing from one ontinent to another is at the heart of this destructive crisis. We cannot support this any longer at least as I understand things. We must grow our own food and sew our own clothes. This craziness of flying to the Moon,etc must be discussed with the true expense made conscious. For me it is necessary that we ground all our dreams and aspirations-we need to know the actual costs of flight, of car travel, of high rise living as home or as business location. We are no longer under the thrall of those who would be King of the World. This is the age of "people" the common people- we are not interested in cheap clothes from India or China. We don't need lots of extra clothes but we do need to know how to grow potatoes and strawberries and parsly and mint and chickens and how to "put up" the harvest of summer so that we eat in winter.
Sebastian Junger discussing his new book "War" on the Morning Joe show. Listening to him I understand the draw of war in a way that Hillman did not explain to me. I have been always anti-war hating the consequences of war on the civilians and these days war is mostly fought on the the bodies and lives of the "non-combatants". I weep to see these young boys completely baptized into the the hell of war and this is the deepest most meaningful experience of their lives. I will definitly read this book. Junger is the writer from Vanity Fair who wrote the devastating story of the fishing expedition gone wrong and ending up destroyed. As I recall there was one survivor. Oh!! how could I have not remembered: the book is titled "The Perfect Storm"a story that just resonated in my body. I even went to see the movie and cried all the way through knowing how "it ended".
Have to go right now- more Court House activity today with B for her son A.
Yesterday took Hunter and Pookie to have their vasectomy and they are now home sleeping with swollen scrotums. I so regret having to hurt them this way. They are so sweet and don't seem to blame me the way their sister does since her hysterectomy. Please forgive the spelling of the medical terms if I am wrong.
The destruction of the Gulf of Mexico proves, for me at least, the presence of evil in our lives: this could have been prevented but BP and others are too greedy to spend the money on the preventative technology and we are too mindless and unconscious to require that the oil company and developers use all available technology to insurance against this destruction.
No one seems to want to discuss that, at least to me, all the jet travel, the shipping food from one continent to another,the shipping cheap clothing from one ontinent to another is at the heart of this destructive crisis. We cannot support this any longer at least as I understand things. We must grow our own food and sew our own clothes. This craziness of flying to the Moon,etc must be discussed with the true expense made conscious. For me it is necessary that we ground all our dreams and aspirations-we need to know the actual costs of flight, of car travel, of high rise living as home or as business location. We are no longer under the thrall of those who would be King of the World. This is the age of "people" the common people- we are not interested in cheap clothes from India or China. We don't need lots of extra clothes but we do need to know how to grow potatoes and strawberries and parsly and mint and chickens and how to "put up" the harvest of summer so that we eat in winter.
Sebastian Junger discussing his new book "War" on the Morning Joe show. Listening to him I understand the draw of war in a way that Hillman did not explain to me. I have been always anti-war hating the consequences of war on the civilians and these days war is mostly fought on the the bodies and lives of the "non-combatants". I weep to see these young boys completely baptized into the the hell of war and this is the deepest most meaningful experience of their lives. I will definitly read this book. Junger is the writer from Vanity Fair who wrote the devastating story of the fishing expedition gone wrong and ending up destroyed. As I recall there was one survivor. Oh!! how could I have not remembered: the book is titled "The Perfect Storm"a story that just resonated in my body. I even went to see the movie and cried all the way through knowing how "it ended".
Have to go right now- more Court House activity today with B for her son A.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
05/09/2010
So Mother's Day. My daughter cannot come over because she doesn't have a ride and my grand daughter is in an evil mood pretending not to remember that I asked her to help with the expense of getting the three boy cats neutered. Oh well as my old friend said of me;"you are the worst bad mother ever!!" and so it is today.
Friday, May 7, 2010
05/07/2010
I am copying something that I wrote for Starlight but am unwilling to post there:
Yesterday I was joking over on AW about how I no longer wait for the Second coming because I believe that already happened and that Armageddon happened 8/6/1945 with the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima and of course the next one on Nagasaki. I believe only half jokingly that we are living through the 100 years of war after which the earth will be redeemed and god's law and justice will prevail.
Today I read the article form Planet Waves and the news regarding the strange fungal disease in the NW that so far has been fatal 25% of the time. Maybe I am not joking now. God help us: dumping bombs in the sea and making powders to kill without warning?? I don't think we will go free.
I have been naive considering the sins of people I know including myself. Yes we have all failed,we have all reason for regret but this madness is insane and no wonder those who have some consciousness of what is going on are reduced to talking of reptilian races,lizard people. This reality is beyond unacceptable, we must be insane.
What is really crazy, really crazy is the bombs,etc. in the Gulf are not recent they are old and we are developing more weapons much worse even. This is such madness that I don't have words but I am tempted to sign out. Imagine trying to lead a normal life in the midst of this.
Let me say here that any attempt to appear normal is hopeless absolutely hopeless.
Yesterday I was joking over on AW about how I no longer wait for the Second coming because I believe that already happened and that Armageddon happened 8/6/1945 with the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima and of course the next one on Nagasaki. I believe only half jokingly that we are living through the 100 years of war after which the earth will be redeemed and god's law and justice will prevail.
Today I read the article form Planet Waves and the news regarding the strange fungal disease in the NW that so far has been fatal 25% of the time. Maybe I am not joking now. God help us: dumping bombs in the sea and making powders to kill without warning?? I don't think we will go free.
I have been naive considering the sins of people I know including myself. Yes we have all failed,we have all reason for regret but this madness is insane and no wonder those who have some consciousness of what is going on are reduced to talking of reptilian races,lizard people. This reality is beyond unacceptable, we must be insane.
What is really crazy, really crazy is the bombs,etc. in the Gulf are not recent they are old and we are developing more weapons much worse even. This is such madness that I don't have words but I am tempted to sign out. Imagine trying to lead a normal life in the midst of this.
Let me say here that any attempt to appear normal is hopeless absolutely hopeless.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Monday 5/3/2010
Shingles rising up again after a weekend of trying to figure out how to get our "ends" together. AND the oil gusher 30 miles off the Gulf of Mexico coast. Turtles,birds other sea life washing up dead and so far we have no hope of stopping this.
I wrote about my entanglement with Norco/narcotics. I wish I had edited the piece but I was too caught up in other issues and activities.
Bill Clinton, the rogue,has been defending Goldman Sachs-bought and sold he is indeed. I am sickened by the politicians. The two I listen to:Bernie Sanders,Vermont and Barbara Boxer,California. I hear from astrologers that Boxer looks to be in trouble from the big money Republicans here.
I imagine that this nation is heading hard right-people are mean and dangerous and rather than accept that they have been fools living on credit, wanting a big life all smooth and shiny never getting active and forcing change just going along with the nasty Republicans who promised Nirvana if only money was easy enough for the chosen few.
Really this is so fucked and we are going to suffer now. Hope none of the biological weapons get set loose in the sea, hope none of the nuclear power stations melt down. Full of doom today but....... I am going to start a pile of sauerkraut/kimchee version today and I am going to start the salad garden today and plant my little greens seedlings that I started a couple of weeks ago. I plan to tend to my urban garden and my crazy family and observe until I come to a group I want to work with-the Grey Panthers attract me.
Jeez-I "lost" this because I was working on a second window and forgot and could not find what I knew I had written. Of course this is simple Monday morning meandering but still I like to post/record and I LIKE to have everything right in front of me.
Posting now and maybe i will lay down by Steve and try to sleep. I have been up since 2 AM due to the shingles.
I wrote about my entanglement with Norco/narcotics. I wish I had edited the piece but I was too caught up in other issues and activities.
Bill Clinton, the rogue,has been defending Goldman Sachs-bought and sold he is indeed. I am sickened by the politicians. The two I listen to:Bernie Sanders,Vermont and Barbara Boxer,California. I hear from astrologers that Boxer looks to be in trouble from the big money Republicans here.
I imagine that this nation is heading hard right-people are mean and dangerous and rather than accept that they have been fools living on credit, wanting a big life all smooth and shiny never getting active and forcing change just going along with the nasty Republicans who promised Nirvana if only money was easy enough for the chosen few.
Really this is so fucked and we are going to suffer now. Hope none of the biological weapons get set loose in the sea, hope none of the nuclear power stations melt down. Full of doom today but....... I am going to start a pile of sauerkraut/kimchee version today and I am going to start the salad garden today and plant my little greens seedlings that I started a couple of weeks ago. I plan to tend to my urban garden and my crazy family and observe until I come to a group I want to work with-the Grey Panthers attract me.
Jeez-I "lost" this because I was working on a second window and forgot and could not find what I knew I had written. Of course this is simple Monday morning meandering but still I like to post/record and I LIKE to have everything right in front of me.
Posting now and maybe i will lay down by Steve and try to sleep. I have been up since 2 AM due to the shingles.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Suanday 5/2/2010
I have been so sick that I have had no need to write to share (tehe-no one interested) but I am a little better now and I am so addicted to this way of journaling that here goes.....I was dreaming that I was looking for a place to live. I am taking care of a baby who I would love to keep but she isn't mine although I am responsible for her. She is a big plumb baby and no one can manage her but I am able to by paying close attention to her and really communicating with her. I would love to stay where I am but the house belongs to someone else. I am wandering through many neighborhoods looking at many places but nothing feels like home.
Now I am in the country and still looking for my new home. I find a vacancy at my childhood home. It is a very sunny day. Steve or at least my mate/companion-trusted but not very wordy. He is carrying a box full of belongings the box is huge covering his vision causing him to stagger I am very concerned but he does not want my help. I decide to walk along side him and to make sure that the box, the overladen box (Box???)does not go sideways become imbalanced therefore tripping my companion and causing the huge, filled to overflowing bos to topple him. We are wlaking under the huge elm trees that my grandfather planted and I love the shade and the majesty of these trees. I breathe so deeply relaxing at last. I am explaining to someone that my grandfather made all of this built the house, planted the trees, AND laid the sidewalks. I am standing on the sidewalks that my grandfather made!! Made long long before anyone thought of my entrance into the world. The baby is cranky and I am trying to direct her care while I continue to protect my companion from overload and loss of the the load of the huge box. As I walk looking down the sun shines through the tree leaves I "realize" that my grandfather laid these sidewalks and they are as good now as they were then back in the 30's and these sidewalks are now mine in that there is the blood. I "remember that my grandfather was considered a failure because he gambled with the marital money and lost it but I am standing on proof that he was not a failure rather a quiet unassuming man who cared more about his family, his private life. He didn't care about the world really, minding to world movements when necessary but really not caring, caring only to build a strong and wonderful home. He only cared about building a foundation and a retreat to keep him and the family safe in all weather.
Wow-the sweetest dream and a gift to this worn out body/soul/light that I am. I have been afraid that I am dying because I have been ill over a month and I continue to be ill-breaking out in welts again yesterday after a short trip see Aimee and Arvin for lunch and a money exchange. I was exhausted and in so much pain and sure that I must have cancer and my sister asked me to show her where the shingles were and there were spots all flared up and she convinced me to take a pain pill and go to bed. Much better-will make a medical appt with my doctor to discuss this and the urgency I feel to never again use the pain pills for anything but this type of serious pain.
I have been using Norco daily for at least three years-cumadin precludes use of aspirin
or ibuprofin,etc. I have developed a habit that must be broken and changed something that has come so clear during this physical ordeal. One day I was so sick and took a Norco for relief that I knew would come and I thought "why on earth am I using this strong medicine daily for stiff muscles, mild arthritic pain, etc? I changed that quickly and I no longer am willing to think about aches and pains of the aging battered physical self as necessarily requiring drug interruption. The trick is going to need the pain meds occasionally-using them and then moving away rather than saying to myself,"my hips are killing me I better have a medicine." Prayer and thought required here and I have dealt with this character drama. I have learned through the alcohol crisis that I am not an alcoholic rather I am in the obessive/compulsive range of the thermometer and so far if I can I WILL take a pleasure as far and as long as I can. I remember at my first orgasm I started praying as the energy descended from the peak praying over and over"please don't let me go back". Really I am not making this up. This is where I am with the Norco although Norco is a narcotic and there is a physical component requiring that I taper of-I am going to get medical support for this issue.
I write this freely because I am retired and no longer worry if someone in "authority" should read this somehow. I am not a part of the working world. I shop at 10AM when the store is quiet. I learn how to live on my old workers annuity: Social Security and CCCounty pension. This feels like welfare because I don't struggle to get it. No, "IT" comes to me and no one is taking notes.
Now I am in the country and still looking for my new home. I find a vacancy at my childhood home. It is a very sunny day. Steve or at least my mate/companion-trusted but not very wordy. He is carrying a box full of belongings the box is huge covering his vision causing him to stagger I am very concerned but he does not want my help. I decide to walk along side him and to make sure that the box, the overladen box (Box???)does not go sideways become imbalanced therefore tripping my companion and causing the huge, filled to overflowing bos to topple him. We are wlaking under the huge elm trees that my grandfather planted and I love the shade and the majesty of these trees. I breathe so deeply relaxing at last. I am explaining to someone that my grandfather made all of this built the house, planted the trees, AND laid the sidewalks. I am standing on the sidewalks that my grandfather made!! Made long long before anyone thought of my entrance into the world. The baby is cranky and I am trying to direct her care while I continue to protect my companion from overload and loss of the the load of the huge box. As I walk looking down the sun shines through the tree leaves I "realize" that my grandfather laid these sidewalks and they are as good now as they were then back in the 30's and these sidewalks are now mine in that there is the blood. I "remember that my grandfather was considered a failure because he gambled with the marital money and lost it but I am standing on proof that he was not a failure rather a quiet unassuming man who cared more about his family, his private life. He didn't care about the world really, minding to world movements when necessary but really not caring, caring only to build a strong and wonderful home. He only cared about building a foundation and a retreat to keep him and the family safe in all weather.
Wow-the sweetest dream and a gift to this worn out body/soul/light that I am. I have been afraid that I am dying because I have been ill over a month and I continue to be ill-breaking out in welts again yesterday after a short trip see Aimee and Arvin for lunch and a money exchange. I was exhausted and in so much pain and sure that I must have cancer and my sister asked me to show her where the shingles were and there were spots all flared up and she convinced me to take a pain pill and go to bed. Much better-will make a medical appt with my doctor to discuss this and the urgency I feel to never again use the pain pills for anything but this type of serious pain.
I have been using Norco daily for at least three years-cumadin precludes use of aspirin
or ibuprofin,etc. I have developed a habit that must be broken and changed something that has come so clear during this physical ordeal. One day I was so sick and took a Norco for relief that I knew would come and I thought "why on earth am I using this strong medicine daily for stiff muscles, mild arthritic pain, etc? I changed that quickly and I no longer am willing to think about aches and pains of the aging battered physical self as necessarily requiring drug interruption. The trick is going to need the pain meds occasionally-using them and then moving away rather than saying to myself,"my hips are killing me I better have a medicine." Prayer and thought required here and I have dealt with this character drama. I have learned through the alcohol crisis that I am not an alcoholic rather I am in the obessive/compulsive range of the thermometer and so far if I can I WILL take a pleasure as far and as long as I can. I remember at my first orgasm I started praying as the energy descended from the peak praying over and over"please don't let me go back". Really I am not making this up. This is where I am with the Norco although Norco is a narcotic and there is a physical component requiring that I taper of-I am going to get medical support for this issue.
I write this freely because I am retired and no longer worry if someone in "authority" should read this somehow. I am not a part of the working world. I shop at 10AM when the store is quiet. I learn how to live on my old workers annuity: Social Security and CCCounty pension. This feels like welfare because I don't struggle to get it. No, "IT" comes to me and no one is taking notes.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
04/22/2010
Happy Birthday dear Buffy!!
The past few days I have been cringing over things I wrote earlier as Singing Sparrow now that I want to start writing astrology. I will have to work this out perhaps start a new site however I have not practiced character assassination or anything like that. I am simply reacting to the hateful judgment of someone who was once a friend even in the years that I knew she betrayed me more than once all the time demanding perfect allegiance from me. I just loved her mean girl cool and worked out that high school adolescent drama with her-umhh Jupiter in Scorpio in the 7th retrograde?? Yep my own mean girl drawing me to other mean girls.
Back to bed now. Getting better but only bed rest really works.
The past few days I have been cringing over things I wrote earlier as Singing Sparrow now that I want to start writing astrology. I will have to work this out perhaps start a new site however I have not practiced character assassination or anything like that. I am simply reacting to the hateful judgment of someone who was once a friend even in the years that I knew she betrayed me more than once all the time demanding perfect allegiance from me. I just loved her mean girl cool and worked out that high school adolescent drama with her-umhh Jupiter in Scorpio in the 7th retrograde?? Yep my own mean girl drawing me to other mean girls.
Back to bed now. Getting better but only bed rest really works.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
04/21/2010
Posting something that I decided not to post on Donna's site as it seems to self involved.
WOW! the continuing conversation here is remarkable.
Nikki-I just recalled that I quit my comfortable civil service job three times and did other things but in the end returned for the financial security offered by the job that I continued to believe in (social work in the welfare system). Now having passed the second Saturn return and moving smoothly through the 60's I am grateful,very grateful for the pension and Social Security that support or at least form a strong foundation for this part of life. HMMM-busy 2nd house including Uranus but Saturn rules the MC!!!
WOW! the continuing conversation here is remarkable.
Nikki-I just recalled that I quit my comfortable civil service job three times and did other things but in the end returned for the financial security offered by the job that I continued to believe in (social work in the welfare system). Now having passed the second Saturn return and moving smoothly through the 60's I am grateful,very grateful for the pension and Social Security that support or at least form a strong foundation for this part of life. HMMM-busy 2nd house including Uranus but Saturn rules the MC!!!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
04/18/2010
So the Chiron/Neptune conjunction is in my native 11th house thus my desire to reach out and connect with people on a higher plane than just that of the subjective personal experiences which are really my home base. That means that this will not be a permanent thing but I can use it as an inspiration to get going on what I have always wanted to do.
04/18/2010
Well laugh my head off!! I was inspired writing about spreading out and leaving Starlight News and the clique behind and commenting on how uplifting Donna Cummingham's site is and the machine did something showing my writing in a really different font and I didn't want to publish and now the words are lost!! Oh dear Mercury retrograde!!
More later but for now I must go and make bread and but the spaghetti sauce on to cook-making the Box family sauce that cooks all day and then gets meatballs-the sauce is almost puple by the end of the cooking. This was taught to my mother by an Italian woman in Long Beach, CA when I was a baby.
So weepy these days in recovery from the shingles. I just started to tear up thinking about all those beautiful women now gone on into history.
Off to bake now. Hope I can find my missing post.
More later but for now I must go and make bread and but the spaghetti sauce on to cook-making the Box family sauce that cooks all day and then gets meatballs-the sauce is almost puple by the end of the cooking. This was taught to my mother by an Italian woman in Long Beach, CA when I was a baby.
So weepy these days in recovery from the shingles. I just started to tear up thinking about all those beautiful women now gone on into history.
Off to bake now. Hope I can find my missing post.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
04/17/2010
Slept all afternoon and then got up to eat the poor mama's minestrone and rolls that I made this morning and wore myself our doing. Still the soup and the bread are comforting now and I was hungry.
Well I wanted to write on astrology but I am too tired.
Well I wanted to write on astrology but I am too tired.
04/17/2010
Mercury travels retrograde starting today-hmmmm!! We will see what all this means. I have been so out of things that I don 't even know where Mercury is ( blessedly I have instant access to this info thanks to the internet.
Well looked this up and WOW-Mercury at 12+ Taurus-lighting up my personality and my love of food and beautiful things-got a foam matress cover yesterday and heavenly comfort. It is that space age foam that is so heavenly (we will get one for Buffy next week). Today I am cooking Madelyne Kamin's garbage soup and some rolls to go along-money is tight but there is always food around if one has the eyes and heart to see it.
Also I plan yo buy the Nourishing Traditions cookbook. I need info on fermenting food. I am abandoning the vegetarian approach: I need to get free of guilt. I hate the way we treat animals and I hate killing them but I also know that my body seems to need meat.
More later I am tired again-shingles are retreating but I am still weak.
Well looked this up and WOW-Mercury at 12+ Taurus-lighting up my personality and my love of food and beautiful things-got a foam matress cover yesterday and heavenly comfort. It is that space age foam that is so heavenly (we will get one for Buffy next week). Today I am cooking Madelyne Kamin's garbage soup and some rolls to go along-money is tight but there is always food around if one has the eyes and heart to see it.
Also I plan yo buy the Nourishing Traditions cookbook. I need info on fermenting food. I am abandoning the vegetarian approach: I need to get free of guilt. I hate the way we treat animals and I hate killing them but I also know that my body seems to need meat.
More later I am tired again-shingles are retreating but I am still weak.
04/17/2010
Do you use Eris in your thoughts and work? I never have and yet AstroGraph Software blog goes into some detail on Eris. I have never used this heavenly body in my thinking or calculations but I am interested in seeing how She plays in the psychology of those whose charts I work with. I know many astrologers ignore these little heavenly bodies because they cannot be seen and yet Chiron makes my entire chart light up with his eternal sorrow and pain and explains (I think) why I worked so hard to make something of my life and to carry the news to my companions ( an almost exact T-square Mars 4 Taurus 1st house oppose Chiron in 5 Scorpio 7th house both square Saturn 5
Leo 4th house) traditional astrologers will go on and on about my cruelty and viciousness but I put all that behind me before I was 12 by seeing it by understanding where the urge to hurt others came from and making a sacred commitment to turn that darkness on myself rather than spread it around the world-I am not making this up this really happened one day when I had an urge to hurt a little one-I believe that this cruel and painful placement of Chiron activated in my consciousness when I was VERY young.
Okay of this enough but I was using my own personal experience to witness to the power of these little unknown because unseen heavenly bodies. I am interested in your experience especially now that Eris is highlighted in this Aries lunation.
And one last detail on my experience of Chiron-hurting of self is the second best option and the best option is to recognize these urges and to learn to forgive and love and to end the suffering of the world even if one must tramp along scarred and hurting.
This was sent to my astrologer friend who lives close to Washington D.C. I want to start writing more astrology and old-fashioned cooking. I have loved getting some of the subjective and personal stuff out but really who wants to read that?
Leo 4th house) traditional astrologers will go on and on about my cruelty and viciousness but I put all that behind me before I was 12 by seeing it by understanding where the urge to hurt others came from and making a sacred commitment to turn that darkness on myself rather than spread it around the world-I am not making this up this really happened one day when I had an urge to hurt a little one-I believe that this cruel and painful placement of Chiron activated in my consciousness when I was VERY young.
Okay of this enough but I was using my own personal experience to witness to the power of these little unknown because unseen heavenly bodies. I am interested in your experience especially now that Eris is highlighted in this Aries lunation.
And one last detail on my experience of Chiron-hurting of self is the second best option and the best option is to recognize these urges and to learn to forgive and love and to end the suffering of the world even if one must tramp along scarred and hurting.
This was sent to my astrologer friend who lives close to Washington D.C. I want to start writing more astrology and old-fashioned cooking. I have loved getting some of the subjective and personal stuff out but really who wants to read that?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
04/14/2010
Earlier I transferred a post from Starlight News but shut down the computer before I hit "publish post" and now my effort rests in the "edit posts' area and I can't get it out.
Watching Sarah Palin firing up her people and thinking of her 12 million earned since she left the Alaska governors chair. Real common of her.
Why doesn't anyone do a piece on the Teabaggers and the money behind them?? This is such a sham such a perverted expression of fear and anxiety. This is perverted by the likes of Dick Armey and the insurance companies and banks but no one will discuss this. It is as if the media wants to make sure no one understands what is going on.
Why doesn't anyone discuss the fact that the Clinton's now have wealth over $100 million and the fact that Palin is heading in that direction? I bet that the Obama's end up multi-millionaires as well
Watching Sarah Palin firing up her people and thinking of her 12 million earned since she left the Alaska governors chair. Real common of her.
Why doesn't anyone do a piece on the Teabaggers and the money behind them?? This is such a sham such a perverted expression of fear and anxiety. This is perverted by the likes of Dick Armey and the insurance companies and banks but no one will discuss this. It is as if the media wants to make sure no one understands what is going on.
Why doesn't anyone discuss the fact that the Clinton's now have wealth over $100 million and the fact that Palin is heading in that direction? I bet that the Obama's end up multi-millionaires as well
Monday, April 12, 2010
04/12/2010
Tiger Woods still in the news after the scandal of hia private life exposed: a sexual maniac involved with scores of women. The public was shocked we believed the PR,believed that he was so much better than us;i.e.,he was an athletic perfection ,he made a billion dollars,he was married to a perfect blond girl and they had perfect children and then we find that he is living a pornographic film and his life as we knew it was a sham.
Well he just lost the Master's and lost to a man, Mickleson, whose wife has been fighting cancer all year. Tiger reverted to Tiger-devastated that he placed 4th appearing to be shallow.
Someone said recently after the release of a NIKE ad using his deceased father's voice that his father abused Tiger hideously-forcing him to become Tiger Woods,never allowing him to be a child. The woman speaking, whose identity is lost to me, was very emphatic and I saw the Tiger story in a totally different light.
When discussing this with Steve I have said that Tiger is like King Midas: he can't have love in his life because everything he touches turns to gold. I saw even without the wise woman's guidance that the crazy sex/orgies was about trying to "feel" something.
I don't spend a lot of time thinking about Tiger Wood's but I wanted to say something this morning because he was scorned (rightfully scorned?)this AM by the good citizens on Joe Scarborough's show. He didn't wear well against the winner's deep embrace of his wife who has been receiving cancer care for a year. All poor Tiger knows is if he is perfect at golf that is all that seems to live for him.
I pray that a mentor will find a way to Tiger to help him find his soul-the world wants to eat him alive for revealing the truth of his perfection: perfection is unattainable and the appearance of perfection is destructive to real life. Perfection is the desire of ol'beelzabaub itself. Perfection does not exist and could only exist in death. Perfection cannot move,cannot love,cannot create. The appearance of perfection trapped Tiger Woods into falsity.
Well he just lost the Master's and lost to a man, Mickleson, whose wife has been fighting cancer all year. Tiger reverted to Tiger-devastated that he placed 4th appearing to be shallow.
Someone said recently after the release of a NIKE ad using his deceased father's voice that his father abused Tiger hideously-forcing him to become Tiger Woods,never allowing him to be a child. The woman speaking, whose identity is lost to me, was very emphatic and I saw the Tiger story in a totally different light.
When discussing this with Steve I have said that Tiger is like King Midas: he can't have love in his life because everything he touches turns to gold. I saw even without the wise woman's guidance that the crazy sex/orgies was about trying to "feel" something.
I don't spend a lot of time thinking about Tiger Wood's but I wanted to say something this morning because he was scorned (rightfully scorned?)this AM by the good citizens on Joe Scarborough's show. He didn't wear well against the winner's deep embrace of his wife who has been receiving cancer care for a year. All poor Tiger knows is if he is perfect at golf that is all that seems to live for him.
I pray that a mentor will find a way to Tiger to help him find his soul-the world wants to eat him alive for revealing the truth of his perfection: perfection is unattainable and the appearance of perfection is destructive to real life. Perfection is the desire of ol'beelzabaub itself. Perfection does not exist and could only exist in death. Perfection cannot move,cannot love,cannot create. The appearance of perfection trapped Tiger Woods into falsity.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
04/11/2010
shoalsister-oh!! that we could live in a world where the strong and dominant ones did not desire to play pissing contests with other ones of their ilk.
Wouldn't we love to live in a way that draws us together by our natures? Perhaps this type of uber ambition is necessary but god the damage done-the bees are sick and the insects are afraid to eat these days and don't even try to imagine what happens when we can;t breathe easily.
I wish that we could get the news about the earthworms out over our vast communication web-if earth worms work together so can we- no need to shake in fear,no need to take over other fields.
We are all awesome.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8604000/8604584.stm
Earthworms form herds and make “group decisions”, scientists have discovered.
The earthworms use touch to communicate and influence each other’s behaviour, according to research published in the journal Ethology.
By doing so the worms collectively decide to travel in the same direction as part of a single herd.
The striking behaviour, found in the earthworm Eisenia fetida, is the first time that any type of worm, or annelid, has been shown to form active herds.
“Our results modify the current view that earthworms are animals lacking in social behaviour,” says Ms Lara Zirbes, a PhD student at the University of Liege in Gembloux in Belgium.
More at the link….
The first one is a copy of what I was going to post over at Starlight News but it was too long so I posted here where no one but maybe my room mate will ever see it.
Oh God Liz Cheney tearing Obama a new one. What an absolute bitch pig-I truly hate her I think. She is mean a reflection on what I understand is her father's character.
That aside as we say: the second post is something that PatC. found that reduced me to tears. We can now see that earth worms are alive and having fun and are very serious. This touched me on the deepest levels: one with awe at the majesty of creation and two with wonder that we are evolving enough to see this
to see that there is no where to dump anything-all is life itself or god for the fundamentalists (and this daughter of Moscow,Kansas still continues "to believe in God" although I know that god is not a human being sitting somewhere sitting in judgement on creation.)
On the TV a report that a bridge district somewhere in the Bay Area is considering getting rid of toll takers in favor of electronic toll collections which they say will save them 16 million dollars in ten years. HMMM! wonder how much will be lost when working people lose their long held jobs even one as dangerous as toll collection (think of all the chemical fumes those workers live with on their jobs).
I made the most wonderful substitute for cheescake. The recipe is from the Moosewood cookbook although I made some modifications:
1) make a crumb crust with one package of grahams ground into very fine crumbs and i stick of melted unsalted butter pat this into a pie pan ( use a pyrex pan), No need to bake this.
2) beat 8 oz package of cream cheese or the neufschel cheese until light and fluffy and add 1/3 cup of honey,1 /2 cup of yogurt and vanilla to your taste at least 1 teaspoon and beat until everything is lovely and fluffy.
3)pour the cheese/yogurt into the crumb crust and set this into the refrigerator for at least eight hours or at least two days.
I served this in custard cups because there are no eggs and it is not baked so it does take time for all the ingredients to meld. This morning 48 hours later I was able to cut a slice and eat it for breakfast-delicious really and VERY filling. This is very delicious really and takes the place of cheese cake on many levels this is not a l ow calorie treat but it is easy and rich and wonderful.
Chicken breasts on sale so I will cut the breasts in to pieces bones and all the bones please-the bones keep the meat from getting all dry without falvor-and then I will "rub" the pieces down with a "rub" I make myself: 1 cup brown sugar with "lots" of chili powder,garlic powder, thyme,salt and pepper. I can't get more specific on details becuase the taste is so up to one's own tastes and the family's tastes all I can say is that I rub the mix on heavy and let the chicken set up in the refrigerator for at least an hour but all day is better. After this I bake the chicken at 350-425 depending on the day and when I want to eat. I think that the 425 works best. I have family members who love this and I have family members who think this is weird becauase it is so sweet to them say" Americans!! you think that ketchup and barbecue sauce are not sweet?" And I don't even start on the sweet and sour thing so popular in so many languages.
Whoops!! Sister wakes up and my mood changes and there goes the writing until some later point. We were kicking back on this stormy cold and windy Sunday. Really it was a very stormy day to point to Victorian imagination.
I watch way too much TV-crime dramas for the most part. Used to watch cooking shows but now they are all about commercial success and I can't stand the smugness that oozes from people who believe that they will become rich on my interest in fancy cooking.
Wouldn't we love to live in a way that draws us together by our natures? Perhaps this type of uber ambition is necessary but god the damage done-the bees are sick and the insects are afraid to eat these days and don't even try to imagine what happens when we can;t breathe easily.
I wish that we could get the news about the earthworms out over our vast communication web-if earth worms work together so can we- no need to shake in fear,no need to take over other fields.
We are all awesome.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8604000/8604584.stm
Earthworms form herds and make “group decisions”, scientists have discovered.
The earthworms use touch to communicate and influence each other’s behaviour, according to research published in the journal Ethology.
By doing so the worms collectively decide to travel in the same direction as part of a single herd.
The striking behaviour, found in the earthworm Eisenia fetida, is the first time that any type of worm, or annelid, has been shown to form active herds.
“Our results modify the current view that earthworms are animals lacking in social behaviour,” says Ms Lara Zirbes, a PhD student at the University of Liege in Gembloux in Belgium.
More at the link….
The first one is a copy of what I was going to post over at Starlight News but it was too long so I posted here where no one but maybe my room mate will ever see it.
Oh God Liz Cheney tearing Obama a new one. What an absolute bitch pig-I truly hate her I think. She is mean a reflection on what I understand is her father's character.
That aside as we say: the second post is something that PatC. found that reduced me to tears. We can now see that earth worms are alive and having fun and are very serious. This touched me on the deepest levels: one with awe at the majesty of creation and two with wonder that we are evolving enough to see this
to see that there is no where to dump anything-all is life itself or god for the fundamentalists (and this daughter of Moscow,Kansas still continues "to believe in God" although I know that god is not a human being sitting somewhere sitting in judgement on creation.)
On the TV a report that a bridge district somewhere in the Bay Area is considering getting rid of toll takers in favor of electronic toll collections which they say will save them 16 million dollars in ten years. HMMM! wonder how much will be lost when working people lose their long held jobs even one as dangerous as toll collection (think of all the chemical fumes those workers live with on their jobs).
I made the most wonderful substitute for cheescake. The recipe is from the Moosewood cookbook although I made some modifications:
1) make a crumb crust with one package of grahams ground into very fine crumbs and i stick of melted unsalted butter pat this into a pie pan ( use a pyrex pan), No need to bake this.
2) beat 8 oz package of cream cheese or the neufschel cheese until light and fluffy and add 1/3 cup of honey,1 /2 cup of yogurt and vanilla to your taste at least 1 teaspoon and beat until everything is lovely and fluffy.
3)pour the cheese/yogurt into the crumb crust and set this into the refrigerator for at least eight hours or at least two days.
I served this in custard cups because there are no eggs and it is not baked so it does take time for all the ingredients to meld. This morning 48 hours later I was able to cut a slice and eat it for breakfast-delicious really and VERY filling. This is very delicious really and takes the place of cheese cake on many levels this is not a l ow calorie treat but it is easy and rich and wonderful.
Chicken breasts on sale so I will cut the breasts in to pieces bones and all the bones please-the bones keep the meat from getting all dry without falvor-and then I will "rub" the pieces down with a "rub" I make myself: 1 cup brown sugar with "lots" of chili powder,garlic powder, thyme,salt and pepper. I can't get more specific on details becuase the taste is so up to one's own tastes and the family's tastes all I can say is that I rub the mix on heavy and let the chicken set up in the refrigerator for at least an hour but all day is better. After this I bake the chicken at 350-425 depending on the day and when I want to eat. I think that the 425 works best. I have family members who love this and I have family members who think this is weird becauase it is so sweet to them say" Americans!! you think that ketchup and barbecue sauce are not sweet?" And I don't even start on the sweet and sour thing so popular in so many languages.
Whoops!! Sister wakes up and my mood changes and there goes the writing until some later point. We were kicking back on this stormy cold and windy Sunday. Really it was a very stormy day to point to Victorian imagination.
I watch way too much TV-crime dramas for the most part. Used to watch cooking shows but now they are all about commercial success and I can't stand the smugness that oozes from people who believe that they will become rich on my interest in fancy cooking.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
04/10/2010
Haven't been here for days. The shingles really have pushed me around and even though they are drying up now they continue to hurt and now to itch in a strange way that that I cannot relieve but must ask family members to rub and massage. I do believe that this is the first time in my life that I have been so ill and disabled by illness. I have had respiratory and flu illnesses but never something that laid me out and reduced me to helplessness-yuk tired of this.
There was a piece on mothers in prison in Indiana (I think) with a program that allows them to keep their babies with them for the first year. One young mother in prison for stealing car license plates!! Of course most of the mothers are also African-American. What has my blood-pressure up is that the reporter had to point out that "some wonder" why law enforcement would be involved with childcare. And I would ask why are these young women in prison for drug and theft and drugs and why do they not get enough to live on and to go to school? I hate the fact that MSNBC is owned completely by GE and I am sure that the "some"mentioned are the executives of GE making sure that the insurance companies are covered.
I wonder what would happen if there was a report on NBC, ABC,CBS that explained to everyone how much our military movements cost and that we the taxpayers pay for this and the fact is that billionaires are being created because we have private military,private prisons,private everything that used to be provided by civil servants and soldiers.etc.
What could happen if the citizens could be made to see that while their jobs have been disappeared and/or downgraded those creating the business concerns to fill the "gaps"left by this trend are now billionaires and those working for them are working without any of the social protections that some struggled for decades to secure. This is what has been going on since the days of Reagan and why is no one talking about it? OHH!! could it be that now the entire media is owned by these new billionaires? HMMM!!!.
I wonder how we can get through to the Teabaggers. How can we help them see that they are being played by the very forces that are out for their Medicare,Social Security and pensions? No one in the mainstream points out that the entire thing is funded by insurance companies and Dick Armey is their spokesperson. UHM!! much organizing and communication needed and where does it come from?
I write from time to time on these issues but guess what?!! No one reads this stuff-I am one of millions on the internet in English. Why would the people I want to talk to be coming here? I am a spiritual housewife loving retirement, loving the opportunity for slow cooking and urban gardening, trying to make ends meet on the pension and Social Security and the loss of income for my roommate caught up in Schwarzenegger's California and the difficulty in finding other positions.
I remember my mother saying that she was opposed to the MLK holiday because Dr. King "wasn't as moral" as she wanted. My hair stood up (future blood pressure problems)and I said "Mama!! do you really believe that Dr King was less moral than those who planned his murder?" Well I know that my mother got the point because she was like that and I know that her friends "were like that" as well. I think that many of those in the Teabag movement are like my mother and her friends-they know things are wrong AND the only people talking to them are the Teabaggers, Dick Armey, Palin and all these creeps who are promising them a return to a collective life that makes sense.
At any rate I am afraid of what is coming. I know that bad, dark beings are gambling on the outcome-hoping I think for moral and spiritual collpase the easier to rope us in.
There was a piece on mothers in prison in Indiana (I think) with a program that allows them to keep their babies with them for the first year. One young mother in prison for stealing car license plates!! Of course most of the mothers are also African-American. What has my blood-pressure up is that the reporter had to point out that "some wonder" why law enforcement would be involved with childcare. And I would ask why are these young women in prison for drug and theft and drugs and why do they not get enough to live on and to go to school? I hate the fact that MSNBC is owned completely by GE and I am sure that the "some"mentioned are the executives of GE making sure that the insurance companies are covered.
I wonder what would happen if there was a report on NBC, ABC,CBS that explained to everyone how much our military movements cost and that we the taxpayers pay for this and the fact is that billionaires are being created because we have private military,private prisons,private everything that used to be provided by civil servants and soldiers.etc.
What could happen if the citizens could be made to see that while their jobs have been disappeared and/or downgraded those creating the business concerns to fill the "gaps"left by this trend are now billionaires and those working for them are working without any of the social protections that some struggled for decades to secure. This is what has been going on since the days of Reagan and why is no one talking about it? OHH!! could it be that now the entire media is owned by these new billionaires? HMMM!!!.
I wonder how we can get through to the Teabaggers. How can we help them see that they are being played by the very forces that are out for their Medicare,Social Security and pensions? No one in the mainstream points out that the entire thing is funded by insurance companies and Dick Armey is their spokesperson. UHM!! much organizing and communication needed and where does it come from?
I write from time to time on these issues but guess what?!! No one reads this stuff-I am one of millions on the internet in English. Why would the people I want to talk to be coming here? I am a spiritual housewife loving retirement, loving the opportunity for slow cooking and urban gardening, trying to make ends meet on the pension and Social Security and the loss of income for my roommate caught up in Schwarzenegger's California and the difficulty in finding other positions.
I remember my mother saying that she was opposed to the MLK holiday because Dr. King "wasn't as moral" as she wanted. My hair stood up (future blood pressure problems)and I said "Mama!! do you really believe that Dr King was less moral than those who planned his murder?" Well I know that my mother got the point because she was like that and I know that her friends "were like that" as well. I think that many of those in the Teabag movement are like my mother and her friends-they know things are wrong AND the only people talking to them are the Teabaggers, Dick Armey, Palin and all these creeps who are promising them a return to a collective life that makes sense.
At any rate I am afraid of what is coming. I know that bad, dark beings are gambling on the outcome-hoping I think for moral and spiritual collpase the easier to rope us in.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
04/06/2010
Better today but haunted by news of the coal mine explosion. As I said my father and grandfather had some experience of mining to make a living but they both hated it and my father was saved by entering the service and the exptended family moved to So California sort of Grapes of Wrath folk. I heard that one branch of the family had prostitutes which when I was young shocked me but now in my sixties I salute those mothers before me who did what they could to eat. I recognize the orneriness/the wildness in my own character in those women and I am not ashamed anymore.
Leftover chicken from last nights supper. The original meal was baked chicken with dressing made from the left over rolls from Easter dinner. The dressing was very tasty having been made from delicious bread and we ate more dressing than chicken so I was presented with almost all of the breast.
I cubed the breast meat and made a nice gravy from the leftover pan drippings and half a box of broth and when this was made into gravy i added some parsley and steamed vegetables, carrots, celery (sadly no mushrooms) and added them to the gravy. I will make some biscuits and will bake them on top of this chicken hash. I know that this will be very popular.
Everyone in the family is wanting to get thin so there is much less eating between meals and much less desire for junk food. this is so wonderful. Seems as though the push from the Obama White House is having a positive effect. This alone will get me to vote for him again. If my grandkids could get slim and therefore avoid Type 2 diabetes I would stand and cheer. These changes are so exciting because my daughter and her kids tune into the lowest hanging philosophy as it were, very shallow interests mostly in celebrity gossip, reality programs, products presented in the programs they watch. OOH what a bitch-I excuse the kids because they are still young but my beautiful daughter just seems unwilling to do any heavy lifting spiritually.
Enough for today at least for now. Things sound awful re: Afghanistan.
Leftover chicken from last nights supper. The original meal was baked chicken with dressing made from the left over rolls from Easter dinner. The dressing was very tasty having been made from delicious bread and we ate more dressing than chicken so I was presented with almost all of the breast.
I cubed the breast meat and made a nice gravy from the leftover pan drippings and half a box of broth and when this was made into gravy i added some parsley and steamed vegetables, carrots, celery (sadly no mushrooms) and added them to the gravy. I will make some biscuits and will bake them on top of this chicken hash. I know that this will be very popular.
Everyone in the family is wanting to get thin so there is much less eating between meals and much less desire for junk food. this is so wonderful. Seems as though the push from the Obama White House is having a positive effect. This alone will get me to vote for him again. If my grandkids could get slim and therefore avoid Type 2 diabetes I would stand and cheer. These changes are so exciting because my daughter and her kids tune into the lowest hanging philosophy as it were, very shallow interests mostly in celebrity gossip, reality programs, products presented in the programs they watch. OOH what a bitch-I excuse the kids because they are still young but my beautiful daughter just seems unwilling to do any heavy lifting spiritually.
Enough for today at least for now. Things sound awful re: Afghanistan.
Monday, April 5, 2010
04/05/2010
Happy Birthday Sandra. Haven't thought of her for years.
We had a party yesterday. There was heavy rain but we had a houseful with lots of food and drink although we forgot to open the wine. I made ribs and tri-tip and Aimee made potato salad and beans and i also baked rolls and desserts,chocolate cheesecake and carrot cake. We had friends and family and I loved it although my daughter was withdrawn and quiet and I wanted more from her. Buffy was ill with a stomach upset. We all took times going to see her and to bring her ginger ale.
So much the domestic and subjective. Finally getting beyond the shingles. Really knocked me on my butt as it were. Haven't had too much on my mind other than sleeping and staying in bed. I got really sick because i wouldn't kick back. The last straw was cleaning up around Steve's desk here in the bedroom and getting soooo sick while doing it. After that I was forced to stay in bed for about a week or at least five days.
Kitten Pookey( formerly yawaa,Mercy,Mercio-Buffy adopted him and gave him yet another name is meowing to go outside-wun and bird song today after yesterday's storm.
Made the barbecue sauce yesterday: 1 cup ketchup/1cup brown sugar/1 cup water/1/2 cup wortchestershire sauce/1/2 cup cider vinegar/1 tablespoon celery seed: cook the gooey sweet sauce for at least an hour by bringing to a boil and then turning down the heat to a simmer. The sauce is runny but thickens on the chicken/ribs etc-this is VERY popular.
Aimee brought her wonderful potato salad. So different from what I grew up on but I love it because of the care she uses to make it. She makes it plain with mayo only as dressing with eggs and celery and the potatoes some smashed and some still in pieces. Wonderful stuff and it sets off the spicy barbecue and the richness of the beans.
Today I have lots of leftover bread and celery so I imagine I will bake chicken and make dressing for the chicken. I have to avoid bread-just sits in my stomach and runs up the blood glucose. If I make the dressing flavorful and crispy hopefully the family will eat it.
Guess I could just dry out the bread and make bread crumbs.
Opening Day and the President threw the first ball-he is no baseball player but that is okay with me I have my beautiful Lincecum to pitch. We are so happy that baseball is up sick of football and basketball.
We had a party yesterday. There was heavy rain but we had a houseful with lots of food and drink although we forgot to open the wine. I made ribs and tri-tip and Aimee made potato salad and beans and i also baked rolls and desserts,chocolate cheesecake and carrot cake. We had friends and family and I loved it although my daughter was withdrawn and quiet and I wanted more from her. Buffy was ill with a stomach upset. We all took times going to see her and to bring her ginger ale.
So much the domestic and subjective. Finally getting beyond the shingles. Really knocked me on my butt as it were. Haven't had too much on my mind other than sleeping and staying in bed. I got really sick because i wouldn't kick back. The last straw was cleaning up around Steve's desk here in the bedroom and getting soooo sick while doing it. After that I was forced to stay in bed for about a week or at least five days.
Kitten Pookey( formerly yawaa,Mercy,Mercio-Buffy adopted him and gave him yet another name is meowing to go outside-wun and bird song today after yesterday's storm.
Made the barbecue sauce yesterday: 1 cup ketchup/1cup brown sugar/1 cup water/1/2 cup wortchestershire sauce/1/2 cup cider vinegar/1 tablespoon celery seed: cook the gooey sweet sauce for at least an hour by bringing to a boil and then turning down the heat to a simmer. The sauce is runny but thickens on the chicken/ribs etc-this is VERY popular.
Aimee brought her wonderful potato salad. So different from what I grew up on but I love it because of the care she uses to make it. She makes it plain with mayo only as dressing with eggs and celery and the potatoes some smashed and some still in pieces. Wonderful stuff and it sets off the spicy barbecue and the richness of the beans.
Today I have lots of leftover bread and celery so I imagine I will bake chicken and make dressing for the chicken. I have to avoid bread-just sits in my stomach and runs up the blood glucose. If I make the dressing flavorful and crispy hopefully the family will eat it.
Guess I could just dry out the bread and make bread crumbs.
Opening Day and the President threw the first ball-he is no baseball player but that is okay with me I have my beautiful Lincecum to pitch. We are so happy that baseball is up sick of football and basketball.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Holy Saturday 4/3/2010
Amazing week. The illness and pain and restlessness turned out to be shingles-they shingles broke through last Sunday. I went to Kaiser and saw a very young MD who recognized my condition immediatelt sharing that he had shingles when in med school.
I love Easter and was watching the Easter Vigil from Rome but I just cannot stand watching these rich old men. I cannot accept the memories of friends so poor receiving counsel from the priests to accept their poverty with gratitude and marriage with no birth control this from men whose every human, bodily need is met by a servant.
I think that for me it is better to pray in private and to go to mass over on College at Dwight Hall and just draw away from these rich old men who are facing their own undoing because they lack the courage of their own faith.
I love Easter and was watching the Easter Vigil from Rome but I just cannot stand watching these rich old men. I cannot accept the memories of friends so poor receiving counsel from the priests to accept their poverty with gratitude and marriage with no birth control this from men whose every human, bodily need is met by a servant.
I think that for me it is better to pray in private and to go to mass over on College at Dwight Hall and just draw away from these rich old men who are facing their own undoing because they lack the courage of their own faith.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
SundAY 03/28/2010
Hven't been here for days. Busy around the house and with going to Kaiser and with getting meds that others have said are killing me but they do manage to keep my heartbeat under control adn do seem to keep me under control as well.
Saw my doctor who was very involved in my Vicodin intake and we have an agreement that I will use three a day however that was not what I went in for: I was ill and my family was worried-I was obviously ill unable to carry on with pain in my back and a low fever. Well when I get to the doctor my vitals are beautiful BP 67/120 and pulse at 77 and body temp low 97+ so the 0D goes all corporate and starts Kaiser's latest trend on me with the lecture about using too much Vicodin and again suggesting. ,again, that I try the other long acting drug which was involved with Lisa's addiction( I forget the name but it is the drug that Limbaugh got caught hoarding. Bizarre little meeting. I am not arguing about the Vicodin and agree that I am using too much because when I use the pain pills I have energy and do not feel pain and therefore get things done. My good doctor also said that the problem with the plan she is laying out for me tends to make things worse because "patients"continue to use the Vicodin and end up using both narcotics. Well I again turned down the offer of the other narcotic even if it wouldn't get me high.
I turned down the hydocodin (?) and agreed to use only 3 Vicodin daily. I used Advil.etc. because those drugs got rid of the pain of serious knee problems which I still have. I loved Vioxx, loved it and would never have chosen Vicodin over Vioxx but guess what?? Vioxx caused people to fall down dead from heart issues.
Well I had a very weird Dr. visit aand still haven't been able to say to my DR."I
get VERY tired doing things that I used to do and "used to do" refers to months ago"and I was sick so sick that my family was worried about me. Instead I got this lecture on Vicodin because the FEDS are crazy on this subject and a man from Walnut Creek has a new program to help practitioners identify those with problems-he wants to make money and knows how to talk to corporations and get the head guys all excited.
As we have lived with all through this "War On Drugs"there is money to be made and these folks don't want to consider that we are different now=when I was little and the dentist was drilling on a cavity I had to bite on a block of wood rather than get novacaine. Well that reality is over now and now we use drugs and we like them and they make reality so that we can continue living with energy and looking young. I imagine that I am not a good spokeswoman for this reality because I have been a pot smoker for over forty years which makes me a hardened criminal I imagine and I have the scandalous history and even had a period in the 80's when I used cocaine in an immodest and destructive way although I will say that once I understood that Amy's father would not let her come home that summer I quit using the cocaine on the spot and chose to support my daughter who mostly hates me to this day for our poverty and bleakness. I will say that I was tired after making our living and trying to love her and support her but good god in heaven here she was in Oakland with no money after being on Maui and excelling at paddling and finally getting her academics together. Sher had some very good skills picked up from her father-working for what we want and watching how much we eat but Gerald's rejection broke her heart and she ended up on crack because I believe I was naive and thought that she was hanging out with a nice leftie boyfriend who was a little older than she was
You know what? I just don't want to go over all of this forever-I want to put this behind me and let new things in. Amy is 40 now she can take over with her life. As Joyce said once "you are the most,worst mother ever". Why would I stay there? Now I like to cook and garden and take care of the cats. I like to read and clean house and go for short trips and seek out streams with moss and ferns and bushes of berries. I am weary of going over my failures and I have consequently shut out most of those who knew me in my 20's-I failed them but as they say on the streets these folks were "not paying my rent" nor were they even in town
Saw my doctor who was very involved in my Vicodin intake and we have an agreement that I will use three a day however that was not what I went in for: I was ill and my family was worried-I was obviously ill unable to carry on with pain in my back and a low fever. Well when I get to the doctor my vitals are beautiful BP 67/120 and pulse at 77 and body temp low 97+ so the 0D goes all corporate and starts Kaiser's latest trend on me with the lecture about using too much Vicodin and again suggesting. ,again, that I try the other long acting drug which was involved with Lisa's addiction( I forget the name but it is the drug that Limbaugh got caught hoarding. Bizarre little meeting. I am not arguing about the Vicodin and agree that I am using too much because when I use the pain pills I have energy and do not feel pain and therefore get things done. My good doctor also said that the problem with the plan she is laying out for me tends to make things worse because "patients"continue to use the Vicodin and end up using both narcotics. Well I again turned down the offer of the other narcotic even if it wouldn't get me high.
I turned down the hydocodin (?) and agreed to use only 3 Vicodin daily. I used Advil.etc. because those drugs got rid of the pain of serious knee problems which I still have. I loved Vioxx, loved it and would never have chosen Vicodin over Vioxx but guess what?? Vioxx caused people to fall down dead from heart issues.
Well I had a very weird Dr. visit aand still haven't been able to say to my DR."I
get VERY tired doing things that I used to do and "used to do" refers to months ago"and I was sick so sick that my family was worried about me. Instead I got this lecture on Vicodin because the FEDS are crazy on this subject and a man from Walnut Creek has a new program to help practitioners identify those with problems-he wants to make money and knows how to talk to corporations and get the head guys all excited.
As we have lived with all through this "War On Drugs"there is money to be made and these folks don't want to consider that we are different now=when I was little and the dentist was drilling on a cavity I had to bite on a block of wood rather than get novacaine. Well that reality is over now and now we use drugs and we like them and they make reality so that we can continue living with energy and looking young. I imagine that I am not a good spokeswoman for this reality because I have been a pot smoker for over forty years which makes me a hardened criminal I imagine and I have the scandalous history and even had a period in the 80's when I used cocaine in an immodest and destructive way although I will say that once I understood that Amy's father would not let her come home that summer I quit using the cocaine on the spot and chose to support my daughter who mostly hates me to this day for our poverty and bleakness. I will say that I was tired after making our living and trying to love her and support her but good god in heaven here she was in Oakland with no money after being on Maui and excelling at paddling and finally getting her academics together. Sher had some very good skills picked up from her father-working for what we want and watching how much we eat but Gerald's rejection broke her heart and she ended up on crack because I believe I was naive and thought that she was hanging out with a nice leftie boyfriend who was a little older than she was
You know what? I just don't want to go over all of this forever-I want to put this behind me and let new things in. Amy is 40 now she can take over with her life. As Joyce said once "you are the most,worst mother ever". Why would I stay there? Now I like to cook and garden and take care of the cats. I like to read and clean house and go for short trips and seek out streams with moss and ferns and bushes of berries. I am weary of going over my failures and I have consequently shut out most of those who knew me in my 20's-I failed them but as they say on the streets these folks were "not paying my rent" nor were they even in town
Monday, March 22, 2010
03/22/2010
Morning after the vote to pass the Senate bill for changes in how health care is provided in this society. The fighting is not over and with Uranus entering Aries we can expect people wearing guns and shooting up places where those they hate gather. This will be set off by the hatred of authority and corporations, Pluto in Capricorn square the Uranus in Aries. I do believe though that Saturn in Libra will smooth over the desire for mass murder and don't forget astrologers that Saturn is ashamed of the corporate show-offs of Pluto in Capricorn and Saturn is exalted in Libra-Saturn at his best: soft spoken,firm, reasoned,fair. So Saturn ruler of Capricorn is disgusted right now and Uranus in Aries will "listen"to Saturn here and both will "turn" on Pluto.
Early morning cable tv (MSNBC) is all Republican I imagine to woo the office workers,Wall St folk,etc. Right now they are interviewing the creepy Dr Mr Bill Frist from somewhere in the South, Tennessee? Well he was on pushing his latest,potable water, thing. Sadly I imagine that if he and Brad Paisley are involved their efforts will be water for cash. Well let me not say that since Brad Paisley is a young country western artist. I was thinking of a paisley from S Africa or Ireland or somewhere else from history who was a screaming racist who tried to stop the flow of history-vague as I can be here obviously showing my age TEHEHEHEHE! I had never even heard of Brad Paisley and the music people that I know are white headed and often dead or just not working anymore.
Hope the SSA funds come up sooner rather than later.
Early morning cable tv (MSNBC) is all Republican I imagine to woo the office workers,Wall St folk,etc. Right now they are interviewing the creepy Dr Mr Bill Frist from somewhere in the South, Tennessee? Well he was on pushing his latest,potable water, thing. Sadly I imagine that if he and Brad Paisley are involved their efforts will be water for cash. Well let me not say that since Brad Paisley is a young country western artist. I was thinking of a paisley from S Africa or Ireland or somewhere else from history who was a screaming racist who tried to stop the flow of history-vague as I can be here obviously showing my age TEHEHEHEHE! I had never even heard of Brad Paisley and the music people that I know are white headed and often dead or just not working anymore.
Hope the SSA funds come up sooner rather than later.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
03/20/2010
Progressed chart: looks so much like my natal chart although the writing ia ao obvious these days: cannot figure out how to copy the chart and post it here. Cancer rising 1st degree Sag Moon 3 degree Leo Sun, Jupiter trine Mercury.
Reminds me of writing about housekeeping and love of cooking and really getting my consciousness of self out into the world and accepting that this self is small and insignificant,a peasant.
I loved my years journying with Jung and Miller and Nin and the childish dreams of getting educated and moving into some type of professional position as a therapist or a social worker.
Reminds me of writing about housekeeping and love of cooking and really getting my consciousness of self out into the world and accepting that this self is small and insignificant,a peasant.
I loved my years journying with Jung and Miller and Nin and the childish dreams of getting educated and moving into some type of professional position as a therapist or a social worker.
3/20/2010
Saturn in Libra probably my favorite season-comes every 29 years or so and flatters and informs my Gemini. My mother was Saturn in Libra and Kimn is Saturn in Libra,
This time I notice the support to my second house Gemini-almost poverty at this point trouble paying rent and buying food and paying utilities. Utilities are high because I have washer and dryer now but my life would be impossible is I didn't and the money would be spent at the laundry anyway.
I am at the point of looking at ways to save money on domestic things small change but it adds up (jeez!! as soon as I said small change I heard Tom singing/saying "small change got rained on with his own 38")and could make the difference between supper and no supper.
I will make my own laundry soap with a recipe a friend over the internet sent me-after some start-up costs the cost of Fels Neptha, washing soda, borax I am off to the races and can make five gallons of the soap quickly well in a morning and then will have it for quite sometime.
I starated using Dr Bronner's soap in place of bathroom cleaners. This came about when I realized that the sore on Bebe's little mouth must be coming from her insistence on drinking from the toilet (clean only). I don't know how I made that connection but there it was and then after all these years of NOT using the wonderful hippie soap because of the expense I realized that I should be diluting the soap by many times and I made up a bottle of diluted rose scented Dr Bonner's and I have been using that to clean the bathroom and, happiness!!Bebe's sore is gone. Dr. Bronner's is
VERY inexpensive if diluted properly. I also use the same solution for bathing and shampooing. The soap can feel a little sticky on my hair but I use a rinse of a couple of spoons of vinegar and the sticky is gone.
My thing now is to make homemade cat food. I did this once before when we were living on Oregon St and that experiment ended in a mess of heroic proportions what with ground up raw liver,supplements,etc. Everyone including cats were grateful when I gave up. Well now I have come upon recipes using chicken (whole) and fish and mild supplements and perhaps I can find the way to make cat food less expensive than commercial brands. I refuse to feed cats the food that gave Baby Jane cancer and gave her so much suffering before we "put her down".
The makers of commercial cat food say that they no longer use that additive and the Chinese government even killed some poor Chinaman but still now there is news of CVC(spg??)protein supplement that is deadly as well. For the family I cook home slow naturally because I am old and I was taught by my Depression WW II surviving elders how to cook and plan and even garden which I am just now beginning to try. I am not so worried about ;chemicals in our diet but my grandchildren eat a lot of crap for which i blame their mother, my daughter who is lazy and doesn't like to take care or make an effort. OOHH! that is mean I guess but I have been horrified that she would rather stay on welfare than stretch and grow and learn new things. She,I know,prefers the commercial food that I would not allow in our home but which her peers were eating.
Now,of course, the TV is full of the "news" that our children are deeply unhealthy and fat or rather the children of the working people,the children who spend their early lives in childcare with ruthless schedules. The children of the higher classes are healthy, thin and well educated but our children, the children who were the "salt of the earth" in my parents generation and even mine, are now burdened with ill health and broken families from their earliest years. I wonder if creeps like our native billionaires even had an idea of how quickly their factory sweeteners,their factory proteins,etc would clear out the over population problem?? We wonder what changed the Romans so quickly some suspect lead poisoning from their plumbing. I wonder if our descendants will wonder about our rapid turn around from seven plus billion to roughly one billion? Will it be from our sickening,literally sickening foodstuffs?
I find it so sad that when people are "discovered" they are in radiant good health with wonderful teeth and strong bones and wonderful muscles and beautiful sexuality and perfect height weight ratios and good manners,etc and in one generation they are destroyed. I am not romantic here I know that people are vulnerable to infection and broken bones and the culture that worked for millinia will not get them through school in these times and on and on but I do know that trying to feed people in Utah on food made in New Jeresy is deadly. I do know that raising babies to schedules that wear out their parents, with one parent nuclear families is destroying our children and our families. We will be undone by our own weight as it were (n have no idea what that really means but I always like it.).
This time I notice the support to my second house Gemini-almost poverty at this point trouble paying rent and buying food and paying utilities. Utilities are high because I have washer and dryer now but my life would be impossible is I didn't and the money would be spent at the laundry anyway.
I am at the point of looking at ways to save money on domestic things small change but it adds up (jeez!! as soon as I said small change I heard Tom singing/saying "small change got rained on with his own 38")and could make the difference between supper and no supper.
I will make my own laundry soap with a recipe a friend over the internet sent me-after some start-up costs the cost of Fels Neptha, washing soda, borax I am off to the races and can make five gallons of the soap quickly well in a morning and then will have it for quite sometime.
I starated using Dr Bronner's soap in place of bathroom cleaners. This came about when I realized that the sore on Bebe's little mouth must be coming from her insistence on drinking from the toilet (clean only). I don't know how I made that connection but there it was and then after all these years of NOT using the wonderful hippie soap because of the expense I realized that I should be diluting the soap by many times and I made up a bottle of diluted rose scented Dr Bonner's and I have been using that to clean the bathroom and, happiness!!Bebe's sore is gone. Dr. Bronner's is
VERY inexpensive if diluted properly. I also use the same solution for bathing and shampooing. The soap can feel a little sticky on my hair but I use a rinse of a couple of spoons of vinegar and the sticky is gone.
My thing now is to make homemade cat food. I did this once before when we were living on Oregon St and that experiment ended in a mess of heroic proportions what with ground up raw liver,supplements,etc. Everyone including cats were grateful when I gave up. Well now I have come upon recipes using chicken (whole) and fish and mild supplements and perhaps I can find the way to make cat food less expensive than commercial brands. I refuse to feed cats the food that gave Baby Jane cancer and gave her so much suffering before we "put her down".
The makers of commercial cat food say that they no longer use that additive and the Chinese government even killed some poor Chinaman but still now there is news of CVC(spg??)protein supplement that is deadly as well. For the family I cook home slow naturally because I am old and I was taught by my Depression WW II surviving elders how to cook and plan and even garden which I am just now beginning to try. I am not so worried about ;chemicals in our diet but my grandchildren eat a lot of crap for which i blame their mother, my daughter who is lazy and doesn't like to take care or make an effort. OOHH! that is mean I guess but I have been horrified that she would rather stay on welfare than stretch and grow and learn new things. She,I know,prefers the commercial food that I would not allow in our home but which her peers were eating.
Now,of course, the TV is full of the "news" that our children are deeply unhealthy and fat or rather the children of the working people,the children who spend their early lives in childcare with ruthless schedules. The children of the higher classes are healthy, thin and well educated but our children, the children who were the "salt of the earth" in my parents generation and even mine, are now burdened with ill health and broken families from their earliest years. I wonder if creeps like our native billionaires even had an idea of how quickly their factory sweeteners,their factory proteins,etc would clear out the over population problem?? We wonder what changed the Romans so quickly some suspect lead poisoning from their plumbing. I wonder if our descendants will wonder about our rapid turn around from seven plus billion to roughly one billion? Will it be from our sickening,literally sickening foodstuffs?
I find it so sad that when people are "discovered" they are in radiant good health with wonderful teeth and strong bones and wonderful muscles and beautiful sexuality and perfect height weight ratios and good manners,etc and in one generation they are destroyed. I am not romantic here I know that people are vulnerable to infection and broken bones and the culture that worked for millinia will not get them through school in these times and on and on but I do know that trying to feed people in Utah on food made in New Jeresy is deadly. I do know that raising babies to schedules that wear out their parents, with one parent nuclear families is destroying our children and our families. We will be undone by our own weight as it were (n have no idea what that really means but I always like it.).
Friday, March 19, 2010
3/19/2010
Still do not have the cash or credit to get the power needed for the new monitor so only have Steve's wonderful power book (refurbished, bought with student money at the beginning of the semester for $500 after his I Book was killed when one of our cats knocked over a huge glass of iced tea and drowned it. Blessedly we had a dollar just at that moment.)which is eating into my writing time and really eats into the jumping up to document some inspiration or outrage but so it is.
Right now we are so broke that my daughter,much more broke than we are is providing food to get us through the weekend. Yep!! that is the case. Also called left a message with the landlord that I will have a $900 check on Monday and the other $200 will have to wait until the 30th and this is for March.
We are promised a check for Steve's 12/2009 earnings. Looks like the state is starting to pay closer to timely but with always whittling away at the amount agreed upon. This time deducting from the grand total of $640 to something around $550. Creepy the way Schwarzenegger has been so careful to pinch only the lowly,the poor, the needy. This governor and his helpers such as Pete Wilson that mean, little man doing all that they can to prove that government cannot be trusted.
W@atching 24 which I watched only in the beginning and once I recognized the propaganda for what it is I never watched again but I grew curious. Still propaganda,disgusting. I think that screeching Cheney girl,Liz (?)should be hired to read a breathless commentary.
I love NCIS even though that too si about torture and snipers,etc but in that show there is the occasional aside to keep us grounded in a moral universe and there is a development of interesting beautiful people. 24 is pure cliche as one would expect from those locked into their third chakra-all ambition and desire for more,more,more.
I once had an experience when meditating: I was resting after having done a chakra cleanse when someone was in the room with me. Someone said Clymela look!! I turned my head to the right and there was a handsome ,young man dressed in ancient style or Mid-Eastern style. ;He had a deep red robe and a cream colored gown. He was pointing to his belt which had a huge,gold circle pendant and this was enclosed by some type of black binding. He kept pointing at the "belt" saying look,look,look!! I never have understood what he was pointing at. At that time I was concerned with my lazy 1st and 2nd chakras and my over developed 6th and 7th and corded 5th. In other words I was not grounded enough and I was unable to speak my mind. This was just after the break-up with Roland and I had Naomi for supervisor, my daughter was using crack cocaine and I was just as broke as I am now although I sure didn't have Steve in my life.
I have eaten so much shit from others for being broke all the time for asking for cash when things were awful. Thankfully now with Steve I realize how much I have done for others, how large is my extended family,how I picked up stakes and went to help my mother during my father's last illness because my mother asked me to and on and on. With Steve I see myself in kinder light and consequently I am more grounded of course age helps too.
Right now we are so broke that my daughter,much more broke than we are is providing food to get us through the weekend. Yep!! that is the case. Also called left a message with the landlord that I will have a $900 check on Monday and the other $200 will have to wait until the 30th and this is for March.
We are promised a check for Steve's 12/2009 earnings. Looks like the state is starting to pay closer to timely but with always whittling away at the amount agreed upon. This time deducting from the grand total of $640 to something around $550. Creepy the way Schwarzenegger has been so careful to pinch only the lowly,the poor, the needy. This governor and his helpers such as Pete Wilson that mean, little man doing all that they can to prove that government cannot be trusted.
W@atching 24 which I watched only in the beginning and once I recognized the propaganda for what it is I never watched again but I grew curious. Still propaganda,disgusting. I think that screeching Cheney girl,Liz (?)should be hired to read a breathless commentary.
I love NCIS even though that too si about torture and snipers,etc but in that show there is the occasional aside to keep us grounded in a moral universe and there is a development of interesting beautiful people. 24 is pure cliche as one would expect from those locked into their third chakra-all ambition and desire for more,more,more.
I once had an experience when meditating: I was resting after having done a chakra cleanse when someone was in the room with me. Someone said Clymela look!! I turned my head to the right and there was a handsome ,young man dressed in ancient style or Mid-Eastern style. ;He had a deep red robe and a cream colored gown. He was pointing to his belt which had a huge,gold circle pendant and this was enclosed by some type of black binding. He kept pointing at the "belt" saying look,look,look!! I never have understood what he was pointing at. At that time I was concerned with my lazy 1st and 2nd chakras and my over developed 6th and 7th and corded 5th. In other words I was not grounded enough and I was unable to speak my mind. This was just after the break-up with Roland and I had Naomi for supervisor, my daughter was using crack cocaine and I was just as broke as I am now although I sure didn't have Steve in my life.
I have eaten so much shit from others for being broke all the time for asking for cash when things were awful. Thankfully now with Steve I realize how much I have done for others, how large is my extended family,how I picked up stakes and went to help my mother during my father's last illness because my mother asked me to and on and on. With Steve I see myself in kinder light and consequently I am more grounded of course age helps too.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
3/17/2010
St Patrick's day and I will soon be cooking corned beef and cabbage and potatoes and soda bread or maybe sweet wheat bread since Steve doesn't like raisins.
Courtney moved upstairs but I still cook for them or at least include them in dinner and they do the washing here. Arvin and Amy live in Berkeley although Arvin comes over here on most weekends.
Sweet wheat bread is sort of biscuit dough with brown sugar and moalsses and it is cooked in a 9x5 pan. I remember how disappointed I was when I learned that soda bread was simply a modified big biscuit.
I am interested to hear that Dennis Kucinich will vote with the Dems on the "healthcare bill". Wonder what was said on the plane trip with the President and Kucinich and his wife. I love Kucinich with his serious consideration of progressive issues and his persistence: he is comfort for all of us nerds or those of us who have felt rejected enough to feel like nerds.
I am angry these days with politics, with what is passing and not passing what is said and not said. I am so disappointed in Obama. I suspect that he is really Republican down deep at least he seems to have little interest in working people,in progressives.
I am so disappointed that no one,no one will talk the progressive line. This seems to be the "year" of little dribbling chickens scurrying around running from the big bad chicken hawk.
I must be getting old-I am just as disappointed with television right now. Wish I could go lay down and watch a Rockford rerun or Hawaii-5 or that Hawaii program that Tom Selleck. I long for some decent escapism but the current cultural weather doesn't offer much.
Courtney moved upstairs but I still cook for them or at least include them in dinner and they do the washing here. Arvin and Amy live in Berkeley although Arvin comes over here on most weekends.
Sweet wheat bread is sort of biscuit dough with brown sugar and moalsses and it is cooked in a 9x5 pan. I remember how disappointed I was when I learned that soda bread was simply a modified big biscuit.
I am interested to hear that Dennis Kucinich will vote with the Dems on the "healthcare bill". Wonder what was said on the plane trip with the President and Kucinich and his wife. I love Kucinich with his serious consideration of progressive issues and his persistence: he is comfort for all of us nerds or those of us who have felt rejected enough to feel like nerds.
I am angry these days with politics, with what is passing and not passing what is said and not said. I am so disappointed in Obama. I suspect that he is really Republican down deep at least he seems to have little interest in working people,in progressives.
I am so disappointed that no one,no one will talk the progressive line. This seems to be the "year" of little dribbling chickens scurrying around running from the big bad chicken hawk.
I must be getting old-I am just as disappointed with television right now. Wish I could go lay down and watch a Rockford rerun or Hawaii-5 or that Hawaii program that Tom Selleck. I long for some decent escapism but the current cultural weather doesn't offer much.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Sunday 03/14/2010
whew!! What a mess. I am depressed today!! Money is thin once more and the "boys" have entered sexual maturity early, they are only seven months, and "marked" our blankets and mattress. Steve scurried out to get some wet food to replace the dry food in case one of them is having urinary tract problems. Won't know for a couple of days the actual width of this problem but god it has been years since I lived with the scent of cat urine, the strong kind from males. I have had females and no the only female I ever had a problem with that way was the notorious Anna who lived to be twenty one and who would not shut up and who shat upon my pillow,right in the center,when I moved us from Oakland to Marin. I had gone out dancing that evening and when I returned there was my present from the ever smart,wise and powerful Anna who knew that I had made a mistake.
I ran away from my beloved Harwood St because me best friend had a problem with the landlady and had to move and every time that my friend came over the landlady went crazy and I didn't know what to do because another friend's offer to live with her in San Anselmo-what a mistake. I tried to return to school and was so shocked and disoriented and such a mess due to alcohol and poverty and immaturity and regret that I failed which is so sad but over now for years. AND....the smell of cat piss brings this all up-whew.
I am amazed that in the state of Texas they have a man in charge of school books who believes that the earth is ten thousand years old and who is deleting mention of Thomas Jefferson because Jefferson wrote in the idea of separation of church and state.This is so outrageous and I wrote about this over on Starlight and got roasted for denigrating all of Texas and everyone who lives there which I specifically did not do and now I am just leaving Starlight behind-F--k the snooty boougie girls. I grow weary of the little minded, prattling women who idol worship Nancy and are not even astrologers. I will continue to talk with Pat C. who admits that she has also been attacked and hurt and so has turned to gardening,etc to achieve a greater balance.
I recall giving an astrology calss for the same type of woman who complained about the amount of reading,etc required to achieve a beginners level understanding. I was surprised by that wondering what they thought would be required to become fluent in an entire discipline. I also gave up on that preferring to make my living seperate from that world.
More later I pray.
I ran away from my beloved Harwood St because me best friend had a problem with the landlady and had to move and every time that my friend came over the landlady went crazy and I didn't know what to do because another friend's offer to live with her in San Anselmo-what a mistake. I tried to return to school and was so shocked and disoriented and such a mess due to alcohol and poverty and immaturity and regret that I failed which is so sad but over now for years. AND....the smell of cat piss brings this all up-whew.
I am amazed that in the state of Texas they have a man in charge of school books who believes that the earth is ten thousand years old and who is deleting mention of Thomas Jefferson because Jefferson wrote in the idea of separation of church and state.This is so outrageous and I wrote about this over on Starlight and got roasted for denigrating all of Texas and everyone who lives there which I specifically did not do and now I am just leaving Starlight behind-F--k the snooty boougie girls. I grow weary of the little minded, prattling women who idol worship Nancy and are not even astrologers. I will continue to talk with Pat C. who admits that she has also been attacked and hurt and so has turned to gardening,etc to achieve a greater balance.
I recall giving an astrology calss for the same type of woman who complained about the amount of reading,etc required to achieve a beginners level understanding. I was surprised by that wondering what they thought would be required to become fluent in an entire discipline. I also gave up on that preferring to make my living seperate from that world.
More later I pray.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
3/10/10
Happy Birthday Pamela.
Yesterday I heard the most amazing conversation regarding the return of the Black Madonna. I didn't realize that there was a collective movement but She showed up in my life when I was in my twenties still.
One evening I was doing some "active imagination" work and suddenly a naked wild woman showed up accompanied by a huge,big bellied guy with an elephant head. I was terrified that I was breaking out in psychosis even though She assured me that I was not losing my mind but was in fact beginning the healing process.
The elephant man moved to massage my vulva and entire 1st and 2nd chakra region which also terrified me. I feared that my experience of molestation and even rape and the condemnation that came when I tried to talk about what had happened to me and unbeknown to me the rejection from my mother when I too turned up pregnant. At that time I had no idea that this had happened to my mother when she was 20-that was the dark secret of pain and remorse and regret and limitation coming from my mother that I did not understand. No I sinply "got it" and gave up early and this ended by long wandering journey with me pregnant at age 15 feeling that I had been hunted down by the boyfriend who was the father of the baby.
At any rate here I was on my little divan after my little girl was asleep and my black and white cat was resting and I was relaxing into a meditative state and these creatures showed up telling me that they loved me and that they had come to "heal" me. I was so terrified that I yelled at them. They were surprised but agreed immediately to leave-they also expressed their desire to help and initiate my healing.
This was the first "visit". During my late twenties and early 30's I came to know this "Mother" through more "active imagination" I traveled through the countryside in my imagination to get to Her. She lived at that time in a red rock cave, really a compound. I loved to go there and talk to her about my issues and to rest in a quiet alcove carved out over the centuries. I was always aware of life going on around us but it was always one on one with Her and I.
I wonder if I am being pretentious in capitalizing Her Mother, etc.but I just want to tell everyone what I have seen and accepted and yesterday listening to Matthew Fox regarding the Black Madonna I felt that I was electrified. I have over the years in maturity settled down in love with Our Lady of Guadalupe who Fox called the Brown Madonna.
One Sunday, during my mid-thirties I wanted to quit smoking and was having such a hard time and I prayed and She showed up where I was sitting behind Shakespere & Co on Dwight (oh!! dear reader I am describing an active imagination)feeling defeated because all of my peers whom I admired and who had been to my house to eat,etc had rejected me and were shunning me. She came by and was just outraged that I was suffering so and demanded in her kind way that I stand up and look at her and do what she showed me to do. She inhaled deeply and then exhaled deeply right into my face and asked that I repeat this and we did this on and on. She also said out loud that "they" should never have done this to me.
The outcome of this meeting was that I stopped smoking for a year AND I kept quiet about what I had seen and experienced-never mentioning this encounter for years and even when I did no one in my circle understood.
There is more and I will write this out over the coming weeks but right now I want to say that I joined the Roman Catholics in order to officially come closer to social acceptance in my devotion to Our Lady. Even there I encountered the deep social cleavage-I was hurt by it and I once hurt someone else publicly with it. I eventually left the church over the social slights and the confusion that arose in my mind such as when it was time to clean the church in preparation for Easter. We were invited to come clean and to bring food to share. Well I was so excited for the opportunity to mingle and share work (Neptune in the 6th house retrograde)and when I got there I saw that only the Spanish speaking people came to clean and share food. Where were all the wealthy, showy English as the first language folk? I was shaken and confused. My experience prepared me to share EVERYTHING to walk across social, cultural differences but obviously that didn't appear to be important in the Church,etc. Then came the new Pope and I was out of there taking my Sacred Heart and Our Lady of Guadalupe statues with me.
The Sunday that the new priest at St Joseph the Worker said in the Sunday bulletin that all gay,lesbian,trans-gender Catholics should now go to Mass in the church on College where they would feel more "comfortable" I knew that "It" was over for me.
I have tried to return to the church because I love the Mass and the candles-the rituals but I can't now with the new condemnation from Rome and then from the uptight priest at St Joseph the Worker. My Mother is about LOVE and acceptance. There is no room for the things that hurt us when She is present and this includes license to act out every excess and also inhibitions that would keep us from the deepest longings of our human hearts. HMM I need an editor here I think. I am trying to say that neither license nor inhibition is required in Her Presence-the urge is to Wholeness, to Fullness could never be perfection-perfection is in the mind not in the world.
Yesterday I heard the most amazing conversation regarding the return of the Black Madonna. I didn't realize that there was a collective movement but She showed up in my life when I was in my twenties still.
One evening I was doing some "active imagination" work and suddenly a naked wild woman showed up accompanied by a huge,big bellied guy with an elephant head. I was terrified that I was breaking out in psychosis even though She assured me that I was not losing my mind but was in fact beginning the healing process.
The elephant man moved to massage my vulva and entire 1st and 2nd chakra region which also terrified me. I feared that my experience of molestation and even rape and the condemnation that came when I tried to talk about what had happened to me and unbeknown to me the rejection from my mother when I too turned up pregnant. At that time I had no idea that this had happened to my mother when she was 20-that was the dark secret of pain and remorse and regret and limitation coming from my mother that I did not understand. No I sinply "got it" and gave up early and this ended by long wandering journey with me pregnant at age 15 feeling that I had been hunted down by the boyfriend who was the father of the baby.
At any rate here I was on my little divan after my little girl was asleep and my black and white cat was resting and I was relaxing into a meditative state and these creatures showed up telling me that they loved me and that they had come to "heal" me. I was so terrified that I yelled at them. They were surprised but agreed immediately to leave-they also expressed their desire to help and initiate my healing.
This was the first "visit". During my late twenties and early 30's I came to know this "Mother" through more "active imagination" I traveled through the countryside in my imagination to get to Her. She lived at that time in a red rock cave, really a compound. I loved to go there and talk to her about my issues and to rest in a quiet alcove carved out over the centuries. I was always aware of life going on around us but it was always one on one with Her and I.
I wonder if I am being pretentious in capitalizing Her Mother, etc.but I just want to tell everyone what I have seen and accepted and yesterday listening to Matthew Fox regarding the Black Madonna I felt that I was electrified. I have over the years in maturity settled down in love with Our Lady of Guadalupe who Fox called the Brown Madonna.
One Sunday, during my mid-thirties I wanted to quit smoking and was having such a hard time and I prayed and She showed up where I was sitting behind Shakespere & Co on Dwight (oh!! dear reader I am describing an active imagination)feeling defeated because all of my peers whom I admired and who had been to my house to eat,etc had rejected me and were shunning me. She came by and was just outraged that I was suffering so and demanded in her kind way that I stand up and look at her and do what she showed me to do. She inhaled deeply and then exhaled deeply right into my face and asked that I repeat this and we did this on and on. She also said out loud that "they" should never have done this to me.
The outcome of this meeting was that I stopped smoking for a year AND I kept quiet about what I had seen and experienced-never mentioning this encounter for years and even when I did no one in my circle understood.
There is more and I will write this out over the coming weeks but right now I want to say that I joined the Roman Catholics in order to officially come closer to social acceptance in my devotion to Our Lady. Even there I encountered the deep social cleavage-I was hurt by it and I once hurt someone else publicly with it. I eventually left the church over the social slights and the confusion that arose in my mind such as when it was time to clean the church in preparation for Easter. We were invited to come clean and to bring food to share. Well I was so excited for the opportunity to mingle and share work (Neptune in the 6th house retrograde)and when I got there I saw that only the Spanish speaking people came to clean and share food. Where were all the wealthy, showy English as the first language folk? I was shaken and confused. My experience prepared me to share EVERYTHING to walk across social, cultural differences but obviously that didn't appear to be important in the Church,etc. Then came the new Pope and I was out of there taking my Sacred Heart and Our Lady of Guadalupe statues with me.
The Sunday that the new priest at St Joseph the Worker said in the Sunday bulletin that all gay,lesbian,trans-gender Catholics should now go to Mass in the church on College where they would feel more "comfortable" I knew that "It" was over for me.
I have tried to return to the church because I love the Mass and the candles-the rituals but I can't now with the new condemnation from Rome and then from the uptight priest at St Joseph the Worker. My Mother is about LOVE and acceptance. There is no room for the things that hurt us when She is present and this includes license to act out every excess and also inhibitions that would keep us from the deepest longings of our human hearts. HMM I need an editor here I think. I am trying to say that neither license nor inhibition is required in Her Presence-the urge is to Wholeness, to Fullness could never be perfection-perfection is in the mind not in the world.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
03/05/2010
What an incredible week-so much activity,so much emotional engagement.
I became aware this past week that I have come to understand that I have retired, that I am in the midst of a major life transition. I first noticed this when I was in one of the offices that I worked in for years and then saw a woman I had known for years-I felt such emptiness and I realized that I loved being Miss Stewart/Box. I loved having a social-working identity that because of my one-up position gave me a feeling of
confidence that I had never had before I had that job. I was afraid for a day or two wondering what I would do now-no going back and no starting over.
What happened yesterday: I was sitting here condemning myself for Lisa and Shawn, for the aborted marriages, for the estrangement from my parents. This is a ritual that i practice daily in some form and yesterday while in the middle of this ritual I had a new thought!! "Stop judging yourself for decisions you made earlier with the consciousness you have now!! You did the best you could then and you did not know what you know now!!" I saw so clearly how judging my past by today's consciousness is so cruel to me and is truly a sin against life. I saw/felt this so deeply that I remind myself to move out of the cave whenever I find myself back in that bat cave. I know that I will be different from this point-there is a logic and mercy in this thought that I have not known to this point. The logic is so clear and I understand why it is a sin against life to continue condemning the young girl/woman that I was from this point-it hurts me to stay in these memories and it keeps me from living now because I am frozen in horror of what "I" did-where is this "I"who acts and who judges?
I think that the love I feel for and from this litter of kittens is involved in this. I love these little beings and they seem to be love itself. This is so wonderful for me and for Steve and for Buffy. We love to watch them and to play with them. I know that my feeling "heart" is so much lighter because of the feelings I have for the little kittens.
I became aware this past week that I have come to understand that I have retired, that I am in the midst of a major life transition. I first noticed this when I was in one of the offices that I worked in for years and then saw a woman I had known for years-I felt such emptiness and I realized that I loved being Miss Stewart/Box. I loved having a social-working identity that because of my one-up position gave me a feeling of
confidence that I had never had before I had that job. I was afraid for a day or two wondering what I would do now-no going back and no starting over.
What happened yesterday: I was sitting here condemning myself for Lisa and Shawn, for the aborted marriages, for the estrangement from my parents. This is a ritual that i practice daily in some form and yesterday while in the middle of this ritual I had a new thought!! "Stop judging yourself for decisions you made earlier with the consciousness you have now!! You did the best you could then and you did not know what you know now!!" I saw so clearly how judging my past by today's consciousness is so cruel to me and is truly a sin against life. I saw/felt this so deeply that I remind myself to move out of the cave whenever I find myself back in that bat cave. I know that I will be different from this point-there is a logic and mercy in this thought that I have not known to this point. The logic is so clear and I understand why it is a sin against life to continue condemning the young girl/woman that I was from this point-it hurts me to stay in these memories and it keeps me from living now because I am frozen in horror of what "I" did-where is this "I"who acts and who judges?
I think that the love I feel for and from this litter of kittens is involved in this. I love these little beings and they seem to be love itself. This is so wonderful for me and for Steve and for Buffy. We love to watch them and to play with them. I know that my feeling "heart" is so much lighter because of the feelings I have for the little kittens.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
03/02/2010
Weird day. Took little Princess to the Vet for sterilization-there was rain and gray all over the place and we had to pay up front but I could only pay $100 of the $187+. the rest will be due tomorrow when I pick her up- I wanted to pay by check but they have a rule: no check for first visit. I understand but if I could have paid by check it would have passed because I would have money in there by the time the check was presented.
The gd was washing and heard a weird sound, the sound of an entire load of water pouring onto the kitchen floor. the drain hose had been knocked loose and the water was gushing out onto the floor.
The gd was washing and heard a weird sound, the sound of an entire load of water pouring onto the kitchen floor. the drain hose had been knocked loose and the water was gushing out onto the floor.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
02/27/2010
There has been a huge,8.8,quake in Chile. This is, I think, the biggest quake I have ever heard of. also, I had no idea that Chile was so far east in longitude-always think of South as being straight down from California but I was wrong about the longitude.
My sister has said about twenty times that "it is really cloudy out". some days I can cope and then on days like this one I feel like screaming. These little warnings of dementia can sometimes drive me straight up the wall. She seems incapable of initiating conversation although she can follow along pretty well and we can have very good conversations regarding our shared childhood and stories of relatives but if left to herself we would just go over and over "it's cloudy today,sure is a beautiful day and on and on until I get up and change the focus. Well she is my sister and has no one else so I do it and Steve does it and the rest of MY family does it. Her son does nothing-oh no- he does include her on his group cell phone list.
My sister has said about twenty times that "it is really cloudy out". some days I can cope and then on days like this one I feel like screaming. These little warnings of dementia can sometimes drive me straight up the wall. She seems incapable of initiating conversation although she can follow along pretty well and we can have very good conversations regarding our shared childhood and stories of relatives but if left to herself we would just go over and over "it's cloudy today,sure is a beautiful day and on and on until I get up and change the focus. Well she is my sister and has no one else so I do it and Steve does it and the rest of MY family does it. Her son does nothing-oh no- he does include her on his group cell phone list.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
2/23/2010
How different our lives are than those who signed 2/23/1910, I of course wasn't there but I do remember the history stories.
Breakfast of miso soup and brown rice-yum how wonderful and filling. Increasingly moving away from meat and milk and eggs and cheese and moving towards grains and rice and vegetables and fruits. Miso is wonderful-warm and soothing and nourishing.
Added up B's cigarette cost-minimum of $350 a month!! Can't imagine her quitting when with the dementia she can't remember what she is doing from one five minutes to the other.
She contributes $500 a month toward the household but most of that is used to finance the cigarette thing. The addiction to tobacco is a significant factor in our monthly budget.
AND I thank god/goddess/goodness that I quit years ago.
El Cerrito farmer's Market today!! looking forward to the wonderful porduce at reasonable prices although not the cheap prices of earlier times still the prices are so MUCH better than Safeway/Luckys/Andronicos,etc.
Breakfast of miso soup and brown rice-yum how wonderful and filling. Increasingly moving away from meat and milk and eggs and cheese and moving towards grains and rice and vegetables and fruits. Miso is wonderful-warm and soothing and nourishing.
Added up B's cigarette cost-minimum of $350 a month!! Can't imagine her quitting when with the dementia she can't remember what she is doing from one five minutes to the other.
She contributes $500 a month toward the household but most of that is used to finance the cigarette thing. The addiction to tobacco is a significant factor in our monthly budget.
AND I thank god/goddess/goodness that I quit years ago.
El Cerrito farmer's Market today!! looking forward to the wonderful porduce at reasonable prices although not the cheap prices of earlier times still the prices are so MUCH better than Safeway/Luckys/Andronicos,etc.
Monday, February 22, 2010
02/22/2010
Happy Birthday George Washington. This is the morning that we take the Princess to the vet for her procedure and shots. Next month we start with the boys. Serious expense here but one that cannot be avoided. I am praying that California pays Steve for past work-summer work earnings and December work. I know that the state is really pushing one of his clients who is actually quite ill to take twelve nits rather than the nine that he is really capable of doing. He is a wonderment-a veteran who fell into evil ways and then converted in prison or as he says "Jesus saved my life". At any rate this conversion has taken him through higher education and into a masters program in one of the seminaries on Holy Hill behind UC. I can see on his face how exhausted he is-he turns a gray cast I imagine because he has only one lung now and various other disabilities and he needs more rest than he is getting. He is an asst. pastor at a church close to us.
Steve's other client said that she couldn't work with Steve because he is not available enough but I can see by what they were working on that she has lost her way with her doctorate from UC. Steve said that "she is too involved with being disabled to write at this time." She is one of the gardening people and I miss her but didn't know her really well.
I am going to plant potatoes this week. I have a rejected bicycle hauler that is just the correct size for holding the bags of potting soil I will use. what I have to do today after leaving Princess at the vet is look up the sources here for planting potatoes cannot use the commercial ones must use those for planting only. I want to go over to the garden business just under the ramp to go to Costco-they have a planting soil that is black pellets and the things raised in this stuff just grow so huge and happy.
I noticed that the sage I planted last year is still small like a midget but it has turned into a bush with a strong core-the sage leaves are fairly mild.
I dreamed that I met this wonderful woman, a bond therapist, that I had been wanting to meet. she had knowledge that I craved and she was visiting in my home and the sun was shining. I had an appointment with her at her office/home. I went downtown and the business district was so wiped out hardly anything left (Telegraph Ave?). I wanted to get my hair cut in a certain way and although I did get my hair cut I wasn't happy with it, the cut did not flatter me or my hair. I get advice from her to it cut from underneath. Well I went into one business to get coffee and a snack and see that in the background people with money are getting the old type of food and service but they are all leaving. I realize that I am late for my appointment I should have been there at 12 noon but it is now 12:25. As I am leaving the restaurant I pass a young man with a suitcase of dead birds that he had hunted and is bringing to the restaurant for the wealthy folk to eat after the kitchen prepares them and then I encounter a goat which wants to follow me and I pet the goat who has a warm,full belly and although I like the goat I cannot take him with me and motion to his owner for the the owner to take over (oh!! Pluto in Capricorn-good omens here that I will not be taken in by the fascist dodo coming our way). In good dream fashion I am anxious to get to her house even though I have already been there. I am quite anxious to get there and decide to spend some family money to pay for a cab. I go to the cab area much like Shattuck used to be and there are no cabs. I see a young man who could be a cabbie but he says no hi is not a cabbie. I somehow finally procure a cab which is a huge black limousine thing and off we go. We are rear-ended and then we read-end someone very confusing. I get to my wonderful therapist but she is already preparing for her next person and I am regretful but she is not rejecting me and helps me with my appearance so that I fit in better and I am planing on going back home.
Steve's other client said that she couldn't work with Steve because he is not available enough but I can see by what they were working on that she has lost her way with her doctorate from UC. Steve said that "she is too involved with being disabled to write at this time." She is one of the gardening people and I miss her but didn't know her really well.
I am going to plant potatoes this week. I have a rejected bicycle hauler that is just the correct size for holding the bags of potting soil I will use. what I have to do today after leaving Princess at the vet is look up the sources here for planting potatoes cannot use the commercial ones must use those for planting only. I want to go over to the garden business just under the ramp to go to Costco-they have a planting soil that is black pellets and the things raised in this stuff just grow so huge and happy.
I noticed that the sage I planted last year is still small like a midget but it has turned into a bush with a strong core-the sage leaves are fairly mild.
I dreamed that I met this wonderful woman, a bond therapist, that I had been wanting to meet. she had knowledge that I craved and she was visiting in my home and the sun was shining. I had an appointment with her at her office/home. I went downtown and the business district was so wiped out hardly anything left (Telegraph Ave?). I wanted to get my hair cut in a certain way and although I did get my hair cut I wasn't happy with it, the cut did not flatter me or my hair. I get advice from her to it cut from underneath. Well I went into one business to get coffee and a snack and see that in the background people with money are getting the old type of food and service but they are all leaving. I realize that I am late for my appointment I should have been there at 12 noon but it is now 12:25. As I am leaving the restaurant I pass a young man with a suitcase of dead birds that he had hunted and is bringing to the restaurant for the wealthy folk to eat after the kitchen prepares them and then I encounter a goat which wants to follow me and I pet the goat who has a warm,full belly and although I like the goat I cannot take him with me and motion to his owner for the the owner to take over (oh!! Pluto in Capricorn-good omens here that I will not be taken in by the fascist dodo coming our way). In good dream fashion I am anxious to get to her house even though I have already been there. I am quite anxious to get there and decide to spend some family money to pay for a cab. I go to the cab area much like Shattuck used to be and there are no cabs. I see a young man who could be a cabbie but he says no hi is not a cabbie. I somehow finally procure a cab which is a huge black limousine thing and off we go. We are rear-ended and then we read-end someone very confusing. I get to my wonderful therapist but she is already preparing for her next person and I am regretful but she is not rejecting me and helps me with my appearance so that I fit in better and I am planing on going back home.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
02/21/22010-sunday
Isaiah 3:1-14
Judgment on Judah and Jerusalem
1 For behold, the Lord, the LORD of hosts,
Takes away from Jerusalem and from Judah
The stock and the store,
The whole supply of bread and the whole supply of water;
2 The mighty man and the man of war,
The judge and the prophet,
And the diviner and the elder;
3 The captain of fifty and the honorable man,
The counselor and the skillful artisan,
And the expert enchanter.
4 " I will give children to be their princes,
And babes shall rule over them.
5 The people will be oppressed,
Every one by another and every one by his neighbor;
The child will be insolent toward the elder,
And the base toward the honorable."
6 When a man takes hold of his brother
In the house of his father, saying,
" You have clothing;
You be our ruler,
And let these ruins be under your power,"
7 In that day he will protest, saying,
" I cannot cure your ills,
For in my house is neither food nor clothing;
Do not make me a ruler of the people."
8 For Jerusalem stumbled,
And Judah is fallen,
Because their tongue and their doings
Are against the LORD,
To provoke the eyes of His glory.
9 The look on their countenance witnesses against them,
And they declare their sin as Sodom;
They do not hide it.
Woe to their soul!
For they have brought evil upon themselves.
10 " Say to the righteous that it shall be well with them,
For they shall eat the fruit of their doings.
11 Woe to the wicked! It shall be ill with him,
For the reward of his hands shall be given him.
12 As for My people, children are their oppressors,
And women rule over them.
O My people! Those who lead you cause you to err,
And destroy the way of your paths."
Oppression and Luxury Condemned
13 The LORD stands up to plead,
And stands to judge the people.
14 The LORD will enter into judgment
With the elders of His people
And His princes:
" For you have eaten up the vineyard;
The plunder of the poor is in your houses.
I have always loved Isaiah-that is where we have the dream of beating our swords into plows as well but this passage is from the Russian Orthodox liturgy. and it says better the consequences of greed and selfishness than I ever could-and this spirit is found everywhere in magazines and on TV and in the newspapers. I have been profoundly caught up in this which is why I am always running out of money. the best teacher of the blessing of simplicity and modesty was Robert who while utterly insane around sex and women and men lived quietly within his boundries and when he died left his house and the entire inheritance from him mother of $32,000 (which sadly John stole because John was the only one together enough in the Capricorn sense of that word to have the credit to take over the house and to demand that Gerald surrender all rights to all of Robert's estate to cover the expenses of flying Gerald over here,etc.)
Lately I am reading 'Our Lady OF The Red Thread" a Russian Orthodox Empress type woman a painter and writer. I am also reading Old Babushka from a link on the Our Lady of The Red Thread site. I have been drawn again to more mystical spiritual processes especially now that I am clear in my anger with organized religion and the childish (perhaps only my childish understanding)interpretation of god.) I love reading about living on a deeper level of dedicating our lives to our deepest values-I am more at peace with my own personal life and the fact that I am happy now even though I made horrible mistakes when young. I am living my life as close as I can to the demands of modesty, humility,frugality, family, support of the future in the young people. I am learning to back away somewhat from the anger of politics the better to be "here" when more crazy folk fly their planes into office buildings,etc and believe me people are being manipulated to that end by forces I don't understand.
Judgment on Judah and Jerusalem
1 For behold, the Lord, the LORD of hosts,
Takes away from Jerusalem and from Judah
The stock and the store,
The whole supply of bread and the whole supply of water;
2 The mighty man and the man of war,
The judge and the prophet,
And the diviner and the elder;
3 The captain of fifty and the honorable man,
The counselor and the skillful artisan,
And the expert enchanter.
4 " I will give children to be their princes,
And babes shall rule over them.
5 The people will be oppressed,
Every one by another and every one by his neighbor;
The child will be insolent toward the elder,
And the base toward the honorable."
6 When a man takes hold of his brother
In the house of his father, saying,
" You have clothing;
You be our ruler,
And let these ruins be under your power,"
7 In that day he will protest, saying,
" I cannot cure your ills,
For in my house is neither food nor clothing;
Do not make me a ruler of the people."
8 For Jerusalem stumbled,
And Judah is fallen,
Because their tongue and their doings
Are against the LORD,
To provoke the eyes of His glory.
9 The look on their countenance witnesses against them,
And they declare their sin as Sodom;
They do not hide it.
Woe to their soul!
For they have brought evil upon themselves.
10 " Say to the righteous that it shall be well with them,
For they shall eat the fruit of their doings.
11 Woe to the wicked! It shall be ill with him,
For the reward of his hands shall be given him.
12 As for My people, children are their oppressors,
And women rule over them.
O My people! Those who lead you cause you to err,
And destroy the way of your paths."
Oppression and Luxury Condemned
13 The LORD stands up to plead,
And stands to judge the people.
14 The LORD will enter into judgment
With the elders of His people
And His princes:
" For you have eaten up the vineyard;
The plunder of the poor is in your houses.
I have always loved Isaiah-that is where we have the dream of beating our swords into plows as well but this passage is from the Russian Orthodox liturgy. and it says better the consequences of greed and selfishness than I ever could-and this spirit is found everywhere in magazines and on TV and in the newspapers. I have been profoundly caught up in this which is why I am always running out of money. the best teacher of the blessing of simplicity and modesty was Robert who while utterly insane around sex and women and men lived quietly within his boundries and when he died left his house and the entire inheritance from him mother of $32,000 (which sadly John stole because John was the only one together enough in the Capricorn sense of that word to have the credit to take over the house and to demand that Gerald surrender all rights to all of Robert's estate to cover the expenses of flying Gerald over here,etc.)
Lately I am reading 'Our Lady OF The Red Thread" a Russian Orthodox Empress type woman a painter and writer. I am also reading Old Babushka from a link on the Our Lady of The Red Thread site. I have been drawn again to more mystical spiritual processes especially now that I am clear in my anger with organized religion and the childish (perhaps only my childish understanding)interpretation of god.) I love reading about living on a deeper level of dedicating our lives to our deepest values-I am more at peace with my own personal life and the fact that I am happy now even though I made horrible mistakes when young. I am living my life as close as I can to the demands of modesty, humility,frugality, family, support of the future in the young people. I am learning to back away somewhat from the anger of politics the better to be "here" when more crazy folk fly their planes into office buildings,etc and believe me people are being manipulated to that end by forces I don't understand.
sunday 02/21/2010
Okay times are times of tight budgets as I have been writing. This morning I made up a batch of season mix for roasting some nuts to supplement our diet with protein for today because i have several packages of nuts- frozen left overs from the holidays
I used the following mix:
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon ancho chili powder
1/2 teaspoon-New Mexico chili powder
1/4teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1//4 teaspoon regular salt
This is good just sprinkled on the thawed nuts but I am also planning now to roast some cashew peices and to then sprinkle the nuts with the mix while the nuts are warm.
so in love these days. Living with my partner Steve is wonderful-we are on an adventure together. He is the only person with whom I have been able to freely discuss my deepest aspirations and desires. Even when he doesn't agree or has a hard time following he is so gentle and yet so solid that I have always felt free to just talk and write away.
I used the following mix:
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon ancho chili powder
1/2 teaspoon-New Mexico chili powder
1/4teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1//4 teaspoon regular salt
This is good just sprinkled on the thawed nuts but I am also planning now to roast some cashew peices and to then sprinkle the nuts with the mix while the nuts are warm.
so in love these days. Living with my partner Steve is wonderful-we are on an adventure together. He is the only person with whom I have been able to freely discuss my deepest aspirations and desires. Even when he doesn't agree or has a hard time following he is so gentle and yet so solid that I have always felt free to just talk and write away.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Friday 02/19/2010
What a wonderful thing. I discovered the site "vegetarian on the cheap" full of good recipes but even more dedicated to living frugally which is what I must do now. while I know how to live frugally I have not been focused nor committed to actually living frugally as a way of life in fact I have been cooking Martha Stewart like on my pensioner's budget.
What is so thrilling to me is that this comes at the end of Mars retrograde through Leo ending at the very base of my chart-I have come up with something creative to address the problem of not having money to stretch all month. I used to know how to do this the making menus and bulk shopping but over the years I "forgot". I gave up housekeeping to become the bread-winner and frankly I was too tired to maintain that well run cupboard.
We were spending sooo much money running every other day to the supermarket down the hill to get the ingredients for what we were wanting to cook/eat that day and of course picking up items we never intended to buy and by the end of the third week we are totally out money and the cupboard is getting bare. Time to change and here it is and I am full of gratitude today and I am visioning an entire new way of life here. Forget the Martha Stewart/Gourmet way of life. I have never "had money"but I sure wanted money and a glossy life although of course no one has a glossy life not even those who can afford the best organic produce in the land.
What is so thrilling to me is that this comes at the end of Mars retrograde through Leo ending at the very base of my chart-I have come up with something creative to address the problem of not having money to stretch all month. I used to know how to do this the making menus and bulk shopping but over the years I "forgot". I gave up housekeeping to become the bread-winner and frankly I was too tired to maintain that well run cupboard.
We were spending sooo much money running every other day to the supermarket down the hill to get the ingredients for what we were wanting to cook/eat that day and of course picking up items we never intended to buy and by the end of the third week we are totally out money and the cupboard is getting bare. Time to change and here it is and I am full of gratitude today and I am visioning an entire new way of life here. Forget the Martha Stewart/Gourmet way of life. I have never "had money"but I sure wanted money and a glossy life although of course no one has a glossy life not even those who can afford the best organic produce in the land.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thursday 02/18/2010
There is a site Our Lady of the Red Thread of devotion to Our Lady. I feel closest to this Lady of all the published connections that i have come across. My first 'visitation" came in 1975 when I was working for the county and Gerald was coming to see Amy. I was still rattled by the guilt over abandoning Lisa and Shawn and then my marriage to Gerald. I wrote a poem that day entitled "Holy Mother Of Tears". I knew nothing about Mary and I didn't ,yet, understand Jung referring to the majesty of the Assumption of Mary. I had been raised Protestant with no reference to the Feminine except in our mothers, sisters, selves,aunts and cousins and grandmothers and was totally unprepared for a visit from Our Mother but that is what happened. Not anything magical no Presence,etc but a full grown ,full fleshed understanding of the Holy Mother of Tears, of Her presence in my life. Truthfully there has been no other religion or faith besides her in my heart-I didn't realize this as I tasted Buddhism,meditation,etc. I eventually joined the Catholics under the protection of the old civil rights/human rights priests and nuns but had to exit when the new priest taking father George's place issued a Sunday bulletin advising "all gay,bisexuals,lesbian and transgender to seek church at Newman Hall where they would be welcome. Broke my heart and was the beginning of the end for me although I still miss certain rites such as Ash Wednesday and the getting of ashes and I continue to love the mass and the music-have a bookmark for the Anonymous 4 from Stanford-my soul vibrates to that sound.
I have discovered a wonderful way to serve the clemtines and other oranges: slice fully ripe ones that are sweet and juicy sprinkle with salt and chile sauce. I love Trader Joe's jalapeno hot sauce but if I am out Crystal hot sauce works very well. when I first started eating this no one believed me but when I serve it up they all really li8ke the combination. I got the idea from Mexican's and the way they serve fruit salad with citrus and red pepper the heat of the chili somehow makes the fruit sweeter.
I plan to make the squash and lentil soup today even though the beautiful fog will probably burn away and there will be warm,sunny weather.
the oven is broken won't heat up only up to 275 degrees-yuck.
I have discovered a wonderful way to serve the clemtines and other oranges: slice fully ripe ones that are sweet and juicy sprinkle with salt and chile sauce. I love Trader Joe's jalapeno hot sauce but if I am out Crystal hot sauce works very well. when I first started eating this no one believed me but when I serve it up they all really li8ke the combination. I got the idea from Mexican's and the way they serve fruit salad with citrus and red pepper the heat of the chili somehow makes the fruit sweeter.
I plan to make the squash and lentil soup today even though the beautiful fog will probably burn away and there will be warm,sunny weather.
the oven is broken won't heat up only up to 275 degrees-yuck.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
02/16/2010
I am wanting a new house. One with a much larger kitchen with gas range and tall ceilings and tall windows like a house I once visited in San Francisco the stood on a hill in the Noe Valley area. I want three bedrooms and at least 1&1/2 baths. I don't know where I want to live-San Francisco or Berkeley although El Cerrito and Albany are possibilities.
I live on the street so to speak and I need the feeling of being out with people who are busy. Well that is untrue I am almost a recluse I spend so much time at home but when I need something in the world I walk or use the bus which contains a lot of interaction with people I don't know and I learn a lot about how people are seeing things as far as fashion,etc.
I want to change how I have been living. I am now retired. the part of my life as a householder,etc. is over and while I remain the breadwinner,etc I am changing- no longer so willing to be the one doing the heavy lifting, letting go a little.
This thought keeps coming and I feel weary when I think of packing and moving, of cleaning up this place after emptying.
Wanting change not knowing what-Mars retrograde at the end of the retrograde season -3+ Leo-exactly square my natal mars-so I want a change and want more room and elegance and space in my life through images of the expanded home-lots of light and sunshine white and blue space between that which is related.
I live on the street so to speak and I need the feeling of being out with people who are busy. Well that is untrue I am almost a recluse I spend so much time at home but when I need something in the world I walk or use the bus which contains a lot of interaction with people I don't know and I learn a lot about how people are seeing things as far as fashion,etc.
I want to change how I have been living. I am now retired. the part of my life as a householder,etc. is over and while I remain the breadwinner,etc I am changing- no longer so willing to be the one doing the heavy lifting, letting go a little.
This thought keeps coming and I feel weary when I think of packing and moving, of cleaning up this place after emptying.
Wanting change not knowing what-Mars retrograde at the end of the retrograde season -3+ Leo-exactly square my natal mars-so I want a change and want more room and elegance and space in my life through images of the expanded home-lots of light and sunshine white and blue space between that which is related.
Monday, February 15, 2010
02/15/2010
Stil love writing out 2010-wonder what is up with that-this is a three year?
Someone else writing that Haiti and DC are weather manipulation. I have thought of that especially Haiti-I know that big corporations want Haiti as a slave island. They want to take over the land and force the people into wage slavery-that is why Aristide was not allowed to work for his people and only fat jerks like Baby Doc,etc were allowed.
I noticed once again the attempt to present the survivors as marauding killers ready to rape and pillage in order to take everything for themselves just as some of the press during Katrina attempted to present the survivors in the sports arena as raping, killing marauders only later admitting in little passages on back pages that that was NEVER true.
I daily witness so much propaganda that I imagine most of what is going on right now is the attempt to get us to go to war against each other. I am not at the point of believing that the "Illuminati"are doing "it" but I have observed that the TV will be full of stories about the "Last Days"m that we have televised arguments between this(Obama) administration and the Bush administration. Someone is up to mind-control. I see it daily,hear it wonder where we are headed.
Someone else writing that Haiti and DC are weather manipulation. I have thought of that especially Haiti-I know that big corporations want Haiti as a slave island. They want to take over the land and force the people into wage slavery-that is why Aristide was not allowed to work for his people and only fat jerks like Baby Doc,etc were allowed.
I noticed once again the attempt to present the survivors as marauding killers ready to rape and pillage in order to take everything for themselves just as some of the press during Katrina attempted to present the survivors in the sports arena as raping, killing marauders only later admitting in little passages on back pages that that was NEVER true.
I daily witness so much propaganda that I imagine most of what is going on right now is the attempt to get us to go to war against each other. I am not at the point of believing that the "Illuminati"are doing "it" but I have observed that the TV will be full of stories about the "Last Days"m that we have televised arguments between this(Obama) administration and the Bush administration. Someone is up to mind-control. I see it daily,hear it wonder where we are headed.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
02/13/2010
I still don't understand just how this program works: the immediately proceeding post was a copy of my offering as a comment in Hecate one of my favorite, go there daily sites. I was startled and delighted to find the Merton poem there and I was startled and delighted with Merton's poem just delighted. I wanted to capture the poem and my response to it.
Early morning-I love to write in the dark before anyone else gets up. steve gets up but has his own writing to do sp he writes in hiw room and I write in mine.
No change in the money house so I will bake bread today and make soup and write and watch the Olympics although there has been a death of a young luge driver and I am not so enchanted at the moment but the athletes are so lovely, so strong and focused and they draw me away from my own worries.
WELL!! Scientist, no doubt working for Nestles, are thinking that eating chocolate my help prevent strokes. HEHEHE!! I can see it now sitting here trying to write while my hand is in a pile of chocolate.CURRENT MOON
moon phases
Friday, February 12, 2010
Friday Poetry Blogging
O Sweet Irrational Worship
by Thomas Merton
Wind and a bobwhite
And the afternoon sun.
By ceasing to question the sun
I have become light,
Bird and wind.
My leaves sing.
I am earth, earth
All these lighted things
Grow from my heart.
A tall, spare pine
Stands like the initial of my first
Name when I had one.
When I had a spirit,
When I was on fire
When this valley was
Made out of fresh air
You spoke my name
In naming Your silence:
O sweet, irrational worship!
I am earth, earth
My heart's love
Bursts with hay and flowers.
I am a lake of blue air
In which my own appointed place
Field and valley
Stand reflected.
I am earth, earth
Out of my grass heart
Rises the bobwhite.
Out of my nameless weeds
His foolish worship. 00
Early morning news: the assholes believe that this monster winter is proof that there is no climate change going on. Inofe,DeMenthe (spg??)two idiots who are rightwingers. Inoffe is an MD wonder how this hater ever got through medical school. Well I imagine that I am sounding like a hater myself right now and I imagine that I am at least towards these extreme right-wingers and their Jesus who is coming back. Their- what is it? one hundred forty five thousand going home to Jesus? I wonder if they even realize what a small number of humans that is? Do they honestly think that they will get the call? and why would one want a heaven so heavily segregated and so hopelessly cruel-I mean only a few grains of sand chosen from the entire beach!!
I am a Mother lover. My Mother supports us all strong in the wisdom that we will all end up with the fruits of our labors. My Mther
Early morning-I love to write in the dark before anyone else gets up. steve gets up but has his own writing to do sp he writes in hiw room and I write in mine.
No change in the money house so I will bake bread today and make soup and write and watch the Olympics although there has been a death of a young luge driver and I am not so enchanted at the moment but the athletes are so lovely, so strong and focused and they draw me away from my own worries.
WELL!! Scientist, no doubt working for Nestles, are thinking that eating chocolate my help prevent strokes. HEHEHE!! I can see it now sitting here trying to write while my hand is in a pile of chocolate.CURRENT MOON
moon phases
Friday, February 12, 2010
Friday Poetry Blogging
O Sweet Irrational Worship
by Thomas Merton
Wind and a bobwhite
And the afternoon sun.
By ceasing to question the sun
I have become light,
Bird and wind.
My leaves sing.
I am earth, earth
All these lighted things
Grow from my heart.
A tall, spare pine
Stands like the initial of my first
Name when I had one.
When I had a spirit,
When I was on fire
When this valley was
Made out of fresh air
You spoke my name
In naming Your silence:
O sweet, irrational worship!
I am earth, earth
My heart's love
Bursts with hay and flowers.
I am a lake of blue air
In which my own appointed place
Field and valley
Stand reflected.
I am earth, earth
Out of my grass heart
Rises the bobwhite.
Out of my nameless weeds
His foolish worship. 00
Early morning news: the assholes believe that this monster winter is proof that there is no climate change going on. Inofe,DeMenthe (spg??)two idiots who are rightwingers. Inoffe is an MD wonder how this hater ever got through medical school. Well I imagine that I am sounding like a hater myself right now and I imagine that I am at least towards these extreme right-wingers and their Jesus who is coming back. Their- what is it? one hundred forty five thousand going home to Jesus? I wonder if they even realize what a small number of humans that is? Do they honestly think that they will get the call? and why would one want a heaven so heavily segregated and so hopelessly cruel-I mean only a few grains of sand chosen from the entire beach!!
I am a Mother lover. My Mother supports us all strong in the wisdom that we will all end up with the fruits of our labors. My Mther
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